Dismantling Ourselves
by EspoirDio
Summary: A long and probably sad "The Place" story, that I finally dare to tackle. Niles/C.C. as always. Their past, their present, their future. Read and find out!
1. Prologue

**Hello, Hello!:) I'M BACK! lol And I am sooooo excited to be back. lol This sounds so ridiculous...my break wasn't even 2 weeks long...but I literally had to force myself NOT to write. lol So today I start with my huuuuge new project: Dismantling Ourselves. It sorta kicks off in season 5**..**as it is about C.C. in "The Place" and Niles' support, if you want. There will be a lot of original stuff happening here...and even in later chapters I will try not to use the main storyline that much**, **but we'll see. This clearly is Niles/C.C., as I don't ship anything else at the moment...and this might be a bumpy ride. I hope you'll be with me though and, as always, your feedback is NEEDED! You've seen the amazing things your suggestions can do. I need to do 2 quick shout-outs here:**

**SamandDianeFan10: I started working on your request...so far I've got 1 page. I will finish it asap- work permitting though!;)**

**rx9872: I wanted to answer your question about Lauren's e-mail but I can't PM you. lol Coz you have deactivated that function. :/ **

**Anyway, read and review please! Oh and veery belatedly HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!:)**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own any of the characters... :/  
**

**Dismantling Ourselves**

Prologue:

This is the beginning of our story, or maybe it is the end. Who knows? We broke each other until only tiny pieces were left, so now it is all the same. Now there are different ways of putting us together again, the result might be wrong, but it is still us. Completely dismantled.

I try to remember what it felt like, how I felt when it happened. But it's hard. Every time I try, I get lost in the lingering traces of memories. They weave countless storylines, but which do I follow? Which is the truth and which has been altered by hope, suspicion, pain?

No, I must focus, cannot risk to get lost again because time is precious nowadays, when I'm caught between forgetting and remembering.

The best way to describe how I felt when it happened is that the ground was pulled from under my feet. Everything I knew just suddenly disappeared and I was left with nothing. I dread to think what would have happened, if it hadn't been for the persistent nagging of the butler's voice. The only source of something familiar...albeit not comforting. But clear through the fog that numbed my brain.

I remember now the reason: Maxwell Sheffield, Broadway producer, the man of my dreams, married to another woman.

I was a Broadway producer too once...before it happened. Before my input as business partner became less and less important, before I became useless. It was hard living alongside a woman who was everything I was taught not to be and who had everything I wanted.

But maybe this isn't the truth...it seems impossible now to think I spent half my life chasing an illusion. No, this won't do. Instead, why don't I call it the story of how I fell in love with the butler?

So welcome to the beginning or the end, whichever you choose it to be! Listen to us now before we forget again.

After all, everyone loves a good story...


	2. Chapter 1

**Hello guys!:) I'm sorry for this late-ish update. I started writing on chapter 1 a while ago...disliked it...deleted it all and started again. And then I got sick yesterday...some sort of annoying bug...so yeah...today is still feel shitty but am recovering, so here's the first chapter. ;) Thanks so much for all the lovely reviews, it means a lot considering that the Prologue was so short. I hope you'll be enjoying the rest of this...and keep reviewing!**

**I want to dedicate this especially to negs, who puts up with my whining and my "I cannot write at all." phases and is just a constant source of inspiration and joy. :) **

**Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine...sadly...  
**

Chapter 1:

He caught her at the doors leading to the office, doors which had just been slammed shut in front of her nose. He couldn't see her face, but her body posture was enough to tell him that something had severely changed. The usually so determined woman now stood before him with slumped shoulders.

"Miss Babcock?" he quietly asked and resisted the urge to reach out and touch her.

"It's over..." she breathed in a voice so unfamiliar that he wasn't sure if she had spoken at all.

Niles had lately been busy fighting his own battles and had just merely noticed that C.C.'s old eye twitch had returned, and was now cursing himself for not recognising the magnitude of the situation.

"I don't want to be alone..." she whispered, her voice high-pitched despite its quietness.

This time he did touch her, his hand applying gentle pressure on her shoulder and turning her around to face him. Her blue eyes were slightly widened and staring past him with barely concealed panic.

"Grandmamma?" she asked "Please don't... I don't wanna be alone."

"I'm here," he told her, though he wasn't entirely certain that she could actually hear him.

His first instinct, to alert his boss and the former nanny, was now overridden by the overwhelming need to ensure that C.C. would make it. He carefully wrapped an arm around her, closely monitoring her response to the intimate touch, and when she didn't seem to mind he slowly guided her to the living room. Once she sat on the couch, he moved away to retrieve the telephone but her anxious whimpering soon drew him back to her side.

"It's alright, I'm just gonna make a quick call," he told her, sitting down again and began to dial the number of the Presbyterian hospital.

As he lifted the phone to his ear he became acutely aware of a small hand that was clinging to his shirt. It was a touch so fragile and familiar (despite the fact that it had never happened before) that it took him a moment to realise that someone had picked up and was now impatiently requiring his attention.

"Yes, this is Niles Brightmore. I have a situation... my friend suffered a breakdown and I don't know how to behave." he sighed, taking a deep breath, for is voice had been trembling. "No, Ma'am, I cannot judge the severity because I'm not a professional, that's why I'm calling you!" he snapped tersely, before continuing more softly "she... I cannot explain it...she doesn't recognise me...she mumbles to herself, yet she seems to need my physical contact. Yes, I'll bring her in and please call Dr. Bort, her therapist! Tell her it's about Miss Babcock, she'll know...thank you."

He carelessly threw the phone on the coffee table and helped C.C. to her feet.

"We're just going to go for a little drive," he informed her and opened the closet to grab her coat.

After she had put it on he linked their arms and led her out through the front door. The air outside smelled fresh from rain and Niles had to keep quite a firm grip on her to prevent her from stepping into puddles. She willingly moved into the car but needed help fastening the seatbelt and once he had checked that everything was in place, he closed the door, rounded the vehicle and sat down also. On the drive to the hospital his tension only grew. C.C. had started whispering again, mentioning her grandmother and begging someone called James for forgiveness.

"We're almost there." he told her over and over again, unsure of what else to do with the frightened woman by his side.

As soon as the car was parked, Niles jumped outside and assisted C.C. again, and without bothering to lock up, they headed to the entrance. The atmosphere in the hospital was hectic and next to him C.C. had begun to shake.

"I'm Niles Brightmore, I called in earlier about Miss Babcock." he said to the receptionist, strumming his fingers against the marble of the counter.

"What's wrong with her, Sir?"

"I still cannot tell you, that's why I brought her here, damnit!" he half-yelled.

"I'm gonna ask you to have a seat, Sir, there is a queue and a suspected waiting time of an hour."

"But she needs help." he pressed, tears springing to his eyes.

"I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do." Niles had just turned around; ready to give up, when a thought occurred to him.

"Not even for C.C. Babcock, the Broadway producer? I'm not sure that you want to be responsible for having rejected her. Her family will slap such a lawsuit on you; you won't know what hit you. So can we please see a doctor now? Money isn't an object."

The young woman in front of him clearly looked nervous and while he was still pondering the rightfulness of his behaviour, she finally wavered and gave in.

"Thank God for that annoying Babcock snobbery." he muttered to himself, as the receptionist hurried off to get someone.

A couple of minutes later a doctor arrived and when C.C. didn't react as he addressed her, he led her away, probably to an office to examine her in private. In the meantime, Niles took a seat and resigned himself to waiting. He spent several minutes listening to the conversations of other patients, but found that it only served to increase his nervousness. So instead he picked up a magazine and began to rifle through it. While it helped to keep his fidgeting hands busy, it didn't distract him enough to forget about the current situation. Finally he saw, from the corner of his eyes, a familiar person who was approaching the reception with quick, determined strides. Her dark hair had been pulled up into a stern bun that he had seen countless times and a pair of black glasses was balancing on the bridge of her nose, completing the look. Dr. Bort, therapist to C.C. and Grace, had always scared him a little if he was honest with himself. He had silently acknowledged that she was the right person to deal with C.C., as they were both alike in nature. Maybe there was also some sort of mother complex going on... whatever the reason it seemed to work and C.C. hadn't been able to avoid a confrontation with the therapist. Niles had never understood, however, how even young Gracie could have such a good and beneficial relationship with the brunette, scared and frightened as she had been upon starting therapy. But Niles didn't want to question her ability; he merely listed these reasons to justify his careful approach to the woman who was currently in a heated debate with the receptionist. Coat over his arm he slowly moved closer but just as he opened his mouth to make his presence known, Dr. Bort walked away, following the receptionist. Niles sighed, seeing his chances of getting an explanation dwindling and kept walking behind them in, what he considered to be a safe distance. The journey to the doctor's office took a while as they marched through numbers of corridors that all looked alike. White, neat, unfriendly. But finally they seemed to have arrived at their destination and Niles waited outside the room that the receptionist and the therapist had just disappeared into. Their muffled voices reached his ear and he resisted the temptation to press it against the wall. Eventually the waiting got to him, as more and more questions and concerns rose to the surface, and he lifted his hand to knock on the door. Following the curt invitation to come in, he hesitantly opened the door and found himself observed by three pairs of eyes. But the light-blue ones that he had been hoping to see weren't among them. Their owner sat slumped in a wheelchair, looking outside the window and this sight in itself evoked a sickening cramp in Niles' stomach.

"How can I help you?" the doctor asked a little coolly.

"This is the gentleman who brought Miss Babcock here," the petite, blond receptionist filled him in, though he still looked less than pleased by the interruption.

"I'm Niles Brightmore, the Sheffields' butler. I see Miss Babcock on a daily basis." he offered politely.

"He also causes her more harm on a daily basis than anyone else." Dr. Bort snapped and Niles looked at her in surprise.

He may not have found her to his liking but never once had she displayed such unprofessional behaviour.

"Dr. Bort, I can assure you that I'm very concerned about Miss Babcock." he tried but she waved it off dismissively.

"You might be saying that now but have you ever wondered before what your behaviour does to her? I am her therapist, I know, and as long as I am in charge of her treatment you will not be allowed to see her. Good day!"

Niles was stunned, to say the least and with a completely destroyed self-esteem he left the hospital and returned to the Sheffields.

On his way home it had begun to rain again, only this time it only added to the misery Niles was experiencing. The nerve of that doctor, after he had done everything in his power to ensure that C.C. got to the hospital and received the care she needed. But still the words persistently gnawed at his heart and when he entered the Sheffield residence he was in a foul mood indeed.

"Ah Niles, how nice of you to stop by." he was greeted by Maxwell who looked less than happy.

Niles ignored him, for the time being, and simply hung up his coat.

"No of course I haven't been neglecting my duties, Sir, as a matter of fact I've been cleaning the entire house and that's why you haven't seen me all day." Max continued, mockingly taking on Niles' tone.

"You want to know what really happened? While you were in the office ogling your wife, I was at the hospital with Miss Babcock. It says a lot about what kind of person you are when you do not even notice the absence of your business partner! You haven't even noticed, have you, how she has slowly been withdrawing ever since you married Fran! You didn't go any easier on her and you bloody well knew of her feelings! Her job was everything Miss Babcock clung on to and that too was taken away from her today when your wife so carelessly slammed the door shut in your face. Why didn't you notice? Why are you so selfish?"

And with that having been said, he walked into the kitchen, leaving a completely stunned Maxwell behind.

Fran found the butler in the kitchen hunched over a carton of Ben&Jerry's an hour later.

"Scarecrow?" she asked softly, with surprisingly much sensitivity for the usually so blunt woman.

"Did Mr. Sheffield send you?" he asked shortly.

"Niles, have we met?" she asked, laughing but became serious again when she noticed how sad he looked.

Slowly she drew up a chair next to him and sat down, patting his arm.

"Max was really upset... he took your words to heart a lot. It sure never seemed as if he cared a great deal about her, but she meant a lot more to him than he let on." she told Niles, her gentle brown eyes fixing him with a knowing glance.

"Subtlety is an acquired skill, Mrs. Sheffield." he told her dryly and sighed.

"What happened at the hospital, sweetie?"

"Well, Miss Babcock broke down completely...became delusional... and I panicked... so I drove her to the next best hospital and called Dr. Bort. But when I tried to find out what had happened to Miss Babcock, her therapist stopped me...said that I had caused her great harm already and that she wouldn't allow me anywhere near her."

"Well, she does have a-" Fran began, but one look from Niles stopped her straight away.

"None of us paid attention..." he heavily said.

"You are a goyim, so I'll explain the concept of "guilt" to you." Fran said, with a big smile "It will fester and grow, give you sleepless nights in which you wonder what you could've done to prevent this. And it won't go away until you do something to wash your hands clean again."

"And the aim of this uplifting speech would be?" he asked sarcastically.

"You will go back to the hospital tomorrow, Niles. You won't take "no" for an answer from that doctor and you'll find out how C.C. is doing. That's the only way you can avoid all of this pain."


	3. Chapter 2

**Hello, Hello!:) This update is a little bit more regular, as I tried my best to get it finished today. We're still in the set-up part of this story and it'll get muuuuuuch more interesting from Chapter 4 onwards, but believe me when I say that this is necessary. Thanks to you who are reading and reviewing this as it is a bit different from the usual stuff I write, but I SO hope your patience will be worth it. Now, I will try to update asap...but it's kinda my birthday party on Tuesday, so I won't guarantee anything!;) Review pleaase, make me happy!:)**

**Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine, I just have an unhealthy obsession...  
**

Chapter 2:

Niles awoke the next morning to the annoying, shrill sound of his alarm clock. His eyelids fluttered open and he got a peak of what appeared to be a rather grey day. Having got little sleep throughout the night, he gave in to the tiredness, closed his eyes again and stretched his limbs in a satisfying way. Soon the interruption was forgotten as the lingering warmth of his bed sheets enveloped him once more and he slowly drifted off. Just a couple more minutes sleep...he'd simply have to hurry up when preparing breakfast. _6 a.m._ His blue eyes focused on the large black numbers again and he pulled himself up in bed so that his back was resting against the headboard and began to massage his shoulders. Now he really had to rise, at least if he didn't want to give his boss any more reason to be angry. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed he got up and headed into the bathroom for a shower. The warm water caressed his body yet it failed to bring the usual relaxing effects, for his mind was now wide awake and still processing the events of the previous day. C.C. wouldn't appear at the breakfast table and there would be none of their usual banter. It probably would've hit him stronger, had they not been experiencing a kind of drought before her admission to hospital. When Maxwell and Fran had got married, he had secretly hoped that C.C. would come to her senses and realise that she didn't stand a chance. Of course, he had hoped that she would seek comfort in the next available man- though he hated to admit it- and maybe it was because of that, that his insults had become meaner and more personal. It would've been a miracle; of course, had the socialite fallen in love with the butler, but even so... her complete lack of understanding, her continuous degradation and absence of shame where Maxwell was concerned had irked Niles, not least because she was an intelligent woman. Different positions in life were one thing, but he would always fail to understand why a woman, such as her, who didn't allow herself to be dominated by anyone, would sink to such a low level for this man. A man who didn't appreciate her beauty, her spirit, or her complexity. Niles sighed, resting his head in his hands, as the warm water continued to massage his neck at a gentle pressure. It was all so damn easy to think about it that way. But was he really any better? If he thought all these things about her, why on earth hadn't he told her? Why had he never made her feel beautiful or...important?

_"I don't want to be alone."_

She had sounded so scared... He swallowed, trying to ban the images and her voice from his head but it didn't work. He had been selfish, discouraged by her behaviour and by the lack of effect his harsh words seemed to have, he had finally withdrawn. And now she had lost it. Squaring his shoulders he roughly wiped away the tears that had mingled with the water and shook his head. This was exactly what Fran had talked about. Festering guilt. Not healthy and not useful if he wanted to play any part in aiding C.C.'s recovery. Ensuring that the soap had been washed off of his body, he switched off the water and left the shower, towelling himself dry. After a quick shave, he slipped into his work clothes, combed his hair and brushed his teeth, and headed downstairs to prepare breakfast.

Normally he enjoyed that time of day when he was alone in the kitchen, with the entire household still asleep or the faint echo of footsteps the only reminder of their existence. It gave him time to think, time he quite often used in planning a new prank or a zinger for C.C. Sometimes she had even joined him in the kitchen, showing up surprisingly early for someone who was supposedly just the business partner. Never before had he considered that, or the fact that she willingly spent time with her acclaimed nemesis. But now it struck him, as well as the strong desire to see her now, to hear some insult that would soon turn into their daily banter.

The air was filled with the sizzling of the bacon and sausages he was just frying in the pan, when he heard the faint swing of the kitchen door, signalling someone's arrival, yet he refused to turn around.

"Good morning," Maxwell stiffly said, the intonation rising, thus challenging Niles to reply.

"Morning," he acknowledged, still focusing on preparing breakfast.

He felt guilty enough about C.C.'s current situation, so the last thing he needed was more on his conscience simply for losing his temper with his boss on the previous day. Letting out a breath he hadn't noticed he'd been holding, he finally put everything on a plate, relieved now that Maxwell had moved on to the dining room.

"Good morning, Niles." Another shrill tone reached his ears, oddly alike to that of his alarm clock.

"Good morning, Mrs. Sheffield." he greeted politely, with a smile that looked as if he had a toothache.

"Whatcha still doing here? Shouldn't you be seeing C.C.? Meanwhile, I love that you made breakfast." she rambled on, happiness flowing easily, as if nothing at all had happened.

"I have to wait until my lunch break." he answered, filling water into the kettle.

"Ya really wanna torture yaself till then? Why dontcha just talk to Max? I'm sure he'd let you go early."

"Mrs. Sheffield, bearing everything in mind, I doubt that it would be appropriate for me to seek his help." Niles answered formally and Fran narrowed her eyes.

"Why I ever voluntarily married into a family of Brits I'll never understand." she muttered, rolling her eyes.

She turned around to leave for the dining room, but Niles gently caught her wrist.

"I'm just not myself at the moment." he apologised, eager to make peace with her.

"I know," she said sincerely, taking his hands in hers "that's why I'm telling ya not to wait till lunch."

He nodded and accepted her genuine smile, before letting her go to join her husband.

* * *

Nonetheless, Niles waited until his lunch break officially started. Maybe Fran was right and it was the British stubbornness, but secretly he knew that it also had to do with a deep-rooted fear of returning to the hospital and witnessing the state C.C. was in. He took his time when taking off his apron and made sure that the kitchen was left in a clean and orderly state, before heading to the front door and out of the house. The Presbyterian hospital was abuzz again with the everyday commotion of patients and doctors, but Niles knew better this time and didn't approach the reception to make his presence known. Instead he headed straight for the room C.C. had been kept in the last time. He had just lifted his hand to knock when a voice stopped him.

"Mr. Brightmore, I thought we had understood each other yesterday."

He lowered his hand and, with a resigned sigh, turned around to face Dr. Bort. "I did understand you perfectly, but you didn't give me a chance to explain."

"Explain what? Your sudden epiphany that your actions towards Miss Babcock were damaging? Maybe you've finally grown up."

"You have no right to address me in such a way. Of course, I realise that my actions have been wrong but you don't understand why... you don't understand how I... Look, none of this matters. All I know is that I have to see Miss Babcock, I have to make sure that she's alright. You cannot possibly keep me from doing so!"

"I'm afraid I can, Mr. Brightmore. As the therapist treating her I have exactly that right, because I believe that seeing you might only aggravate her further."

"What do you mean "further"? What happened? Is she ok?"

"I have to admit, this act is really quite touching..."

"It is not an act. I am concerned about her, I have to see her."

"Why Mr. Brightmore?" she asked sharply and he took a step back.

He swallowed, the answer to that simple question had immediately flown to his lips, yet he forced not to let it slip any further. He wouldn't confess this, not here and certainly not to Dr. Bort, who apparently had decided to become his worst nightmare.

"I don't know," he yelled, desperation obvious in his tone and eyes "I just have to see her. Please, I'm going insane, let me see her."

"Not until you answer that question." she said coolly, her grey eyes calculating.

"I...have to... please..." was all he managed, but she shook her head.

"If you're ready to talk just schedule a meeting with me. Maybe then I'll see it fit that you talk to Miss Babcock."

And with that the conversation was over.

* * *

Nobody really paid close attention to the man, shaking with anger, that was walking through the hospital in determined strides. Partly because everyone was so accustomed to that sight and partly because they didn't know that it was very uncharacteristic of Niles Brightmore to behave like this. He drove around town for a while, his knuckles white because his grip on the steering wheel was so firm. He couldn't go back to Fran and Maxwell, to the people who knew him well and would have been concerned. So instead he harshly parked the car in front of a fairly inconspicuous building and jumped out. The sign at the door was golden but had lost its glamour over the years, yet it filled Niles with satisfaction to see the name Jason Matthews. Anger was rippling off him as he walked into the waiting room that was completely empty.

"I'm here to see Mr. Matthews." he said curtly to the secretary, who put her glasses down and eyed him.

"Do you have an appointment?"

"No, I don't. Just give him my name, that's all he needs."

"I'm sorry, Sir, without an appointment it is impossible to-"

"Didn't you hear what I said?" Niles yelled, his voice exploding with frustration.

"Niles, my man. Lovely to see you again." A voice interrupted from behind, at whose sound he visibly relaxed. "Excuse us, Shirley." Jason Matthews continued and, placing an arm around Niles' shoulders, both men walked away and into the office.

* * *

Dr. Bort pensively chanced a look at her watch and with a sigh took a final sip of her coffee. She was spending too much time at the hospital, too much time trying to help one patient, but she had been forced to set priorities, and bringing C.C. Babcock back was certainly one of them. The empty cup was discarded in the bin and the click of her heels could be heard as the young woman returned to room 514. Slowly she pushed the door open, careful not to scare her patient, but to her surprise the room was empty.

"Miss Babcock?" she called softly and in return heard a whimpering from behind the bed.

She rounded it quietly and swallowed when she found the blonde woman on the floor, in a puddle of her own urine. Messy strands of blonde hair had been ripped out of a ponytail and perfectly manicured nails were digging into her skull.

"Don't hurt me," she begged, in a high, fragile voice.

"Come here," Dr. Bort said calmly, pushing a strand of dark hair behind her ear, while reaching out for C.C. with the other hand.

With surprisingly much strength her patient suddenly lunged at her, throwing her to the floor and straddling her.

"I told you to watch your back, D.D.!" she exclaimed proudly, an evil grin distorting her features.

"Ok, I give up...you won." The therapist played along and C.C. slowly moved away.

But then all her movements halted, her eyes went wide and with a deep voice, that sounded much more like her own than that of a child, she said with great intensity: "Help me."

* * *

"So Niles, you're sure that you want to do this? I mean... I'm not sure as to your motives but this could cost you...a lot...and in your profession..." Jason's voice trailed off.

"I've told you before, money is not an issue," Niles growled, slowly losing his patience "I want you to dig up everything you can on Angelica Bort and if you find any reason to stop her from treating C.C. Babcock, I will pay for the law suit."

And with that he rose to his feet, the faint trace of anger still glistening in his eyes. Guilt was indeed very ugly...


	4. Chapter 3

**Hello folks!:) Thank you so, so much (once again) for your lovely reviews!It is very encouraging to see that you are still reading this!;) Luckily for you, this is the final "set-up" chapter and we fully plunge into a more interesting storyline in the next chapter. I hope you're looking forward to it. ;) In the meantime, I do hope you will enjoy this chapter also, as I do kinda like it!;) Read and review, please, and let me know if you're bored and, of course, any ideas that you have are always welcome!**

**Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine...but I do own a lovely new pair of Babcock style pearl-earrings, thanks to my lovely friends!:)  
**

Chapter 3:

Even though he felt some sense of satisfaction for having set things in motion, it took a while for that anger he had been experiencing to evaporate completely. Only when that had happened, at some point in the middle of the night, was he capable of logically evaluating his choices. And there was doubt...how could there not be? After all, in order to be able to see C.C. again, he was willing to eliminate the only person that could really help her. Maybe that was why, despite his best efforts, he didn't manage to get much sleep that night either.

* * *

The alarm clock awoke him early in the morning at the usual hour, but this time, when his deep-blue eyes snapped open, the light had returned to them. Overnight he had reached the conclusion that something else needed to be done. Jason was working to help him and now Niles needed to do something as well. He picked up the phone book that was kept on his nightstand and began leafing through it until he found the list of therapists. Dr. Bort's number was easily found and he dialed it, certain that someone would pick up, seeing as it served as the emergency line also.

"Dr. Bort's office?" a female voice said and Niles smiled.

"Yes, hello, my name is Niles Brightmore, I wanted to schedule a meeting for later on today with Dr. Bort."

"I'm sorry, Sir, but the doctor currently works a lot at the hospital so her time is limited and this afternoon is completely booked out with appointments."

"I am aware of the situation at the hospital, that's why I'm contacting you. Dr. Bort requested a meeting with me, I'm sure if you talk to her she'll be able to confirm it."

He stopped then, chewing on his lips pensively. It wasn't entirely the truth but as long as the secretary passed on the message, he was certain that Dr. Bort would be curious enough to schedule a meeting.

"Very well, Mr. Brightmore. Let me just take your details and once I've spoken to her, I will ring you back."

* * *

For Angelica Bort it was the beginning of another busy day, as it had been the case since she'd started working on C.C. Babcock's breakdown. Unbeknownst to Niles she also lay awake at night, thinking about her patient. That was a risk, of course, that came with every job in which one engaged in active interaction with other people, but was most common in the field of psychiatry. No therapy sessions, no classes and certainly no rational knowledge could stop you from pondering a patient's state, unless one understood very well how to separate the work life from the personal one. For Dr. Bort, however, this wasn't the case and definitely not where C.C. Babcock was concerned, they had long since passed that line. She sighed and looked at her image in the mirror that showed her just how tired she really was. Miss Babcock had had the breakdown two days ago and was still as heavily affected as on the first day. No matter what Dr. Bort tried she couldn't force her patient to stay in one period of her life long enough to talk. It was scary for her, and horrendous for any close friend or family member, to see the strong woman broken like that into the small pieces that made out her existence. She knew small details of C.C.'s life, most of them involving the Sheffield family, the butler and the nanny, but her knowledge concerning C.C.'s childhood or any period in between was fairly limited. Maybe she would need the butler's help to make a start in the treatment of this particular patient. But she didn't like it and she didn't trust him and that was why a large part of her was determined to ignore the truthfulness of his words and the honest concern in his eyes. She had just finished getting ready when her telephone rang.

"Yes?" she asked absent-mindedly, while searching for her keys.

"Hello, Dr. Bort. I had a call from a Niles Brightmore, asking to schedule a meeting with you today. He said you had told him to contact you, but I just wanted to double-check."

"Yes, Clarice, I am indeed familiar with a Mr. Brightmore."

"So should he come and find you at the hospital?" Clarice asked.

"Yes, tell him to meet me in the cafeteria at 12 o'clock!"

And with that she hung up, having resigned herself to needing Niles' help. She skilfully slid the pin into place that held her hair in her trademark bun and applied red lipstick. Finding the keys she had been looking for on the kitchen counter, she picked them up by the key ring and walked to the door. Locking it she closed it behind her with a quiet thud, cursing the noisy click of her heels that echoed throughout the marble halls. The same routine every day and no husband or children to come home to, she had steadfastly refused to feel sorry for herself and instead surrounded herself with a number of patients. They might cost her many sleepless nighst but they also ensured that she had always something to think about, thus numbing the loneliness other women in her situation were likely to experience. Repression certainly didn't treat a therapist any differently and Bort was rather aware of the irony. She had walked a couple of blocks from her apartment when she noticed the yellow flash of a cab out of the corner of her eyes. She stopped and struck out her hand just in time and the car screeched to a halt. Moving her handbag to her left arm she opened the door and slipped inside.

"Presbyterian hospital." she said, and quietly thanked God for the unwillingness of the taxi drivers to chat this early in the morning.

She, herself, wasn't particularly talkative and her nagging thoughts kept drawing her back to the topic of C.C. Babcock and Niles Brightmore. She couldn't even count anymore the number of times the Broadway producer had simply mentioned, or fully talked about the butler. And quite frankly she was fairly appalled by the pranks he had played on her, pranks that had not only endangered C.C.'s mental and physical well-being, but also threatened her reputation. All these petty little things annoyed Bort a great deal and also served as strong evidence for the level of loyalty she felt for a woman who was merely supposed to be a client. Her grey eyes were staring out of the window, though not focusing on anything particular and so the world whipped past in blurry shapes and a combination of colours. She remembered the first time C.C. had talked about Niles, impatience and jealousy very obvious in her tone. But later on the mood had become darker, that was when the insults had first started. It was the first time that Bort didn't have to fight for every word, because it had practically spilled out of her. Anger, pain, frustration, all of which were understandable and had drawn Bort to the conclusion that either the butler would be fired soon, C.C. would quit or the whole thing would implode in itself. Now she hated to see that the latter had been the case. Angelica Bort also knew that despite C.C.'s claims of loving Maxwell Sheffield, she felt something for the butler as well. However, it had sneaked up on her so quietly and slowly that she might not have realised it herself. But Bort had seen it nonetheless. It was there in the many anecdotes she was suddenly willing to share, present in the way her eyes lit up whenever she told her about a verbal battle that she had won and obvious in the excitement in her tone. Sure, she was displaying a similar behaviour when it came to Maxwell, however the intensity was lacking, almost as if she was forcing these feelings onto herself. Then, the past couple of months before her breakdown, C.C. had suddenly ceased to mention the butler altogether. Their conversations had been brief, mostly filled with unimportant details about her career and whenever Bort had brought up the butler, C.C. had merely shaken her head in almost a pained resignation.

The taxi came to a gentle standstill and Bort shook her head, trying to clear it, as her eyes fixed on the numbers next to the dollar sign. Somehow she had to bring C.C. Babcock back, if only to calm her down to stay long enough in one age to talk to her. And now, having sorted her thoughts, she was almost certain that the butler was the key. Even if he didn't know it yet...

* * *

Niles had been in a cool and determined mood ever since Dr. Bort's secretary had rung him back. The meeting at 12 would be his chance to gain her trust and he would do his best to do so. At 11.30 he finished his lunch preparation and left the bowls and plates with salad and sandwiches on the counter, neatly marked. Hanging up his apron, he headed for the front door, but was stopped by Fran on the last meters.

"Niles? Where ya going?" she called.

"Back to the hospital, I have a meeting with Dr. Bort." he explained, while putting on his coat.

"Oh good, maybe ya can talk her into seeing C.C. this time. Ya know, Maxwell has been really worried."

Niles raised one immaculate eyebrow at that and Fran's face grew determined.

"Will you stop being so stubborn, mistah? My husband may not be good with words but he's got a good heart. C.C.'s more than just his business partner –oy...never thought I'd be saying that- he wants her to get better just as much as you do."

"Oh really? How come he's never even visited her then?" Niles questioned.

"Ok...maybe not as much as you do..." Fran backtracked "And there's something else-"

"Mrs. Sheffield, I really have to go. I doubt that I will persuade Bort of my credibility when I arrive late." Niles said, opening the door.

"Just talk to Max, Niles, he misses his friend too."

He sighed, trying to hide the stab of guilt behind the neutral British mask he wore so well.

On his way to the hospital he kept pondering what to say to Dr. Bort, which words would be enough to demonstrate the urgency he felt? But he was far too nervous to memorise any of the words he was thinking of and decided to just trust his instincts. As he strode into the cafeteria he wiped his hands on his pants several times, not wanting the therapist to realise how nervous he was. He found her sitting by a corner table, pensively sipping on a cup of coffee.

"How is Miss Babcock doing?" he asked instantly, not really expecting an answer.

"Have a seat," the woman replied, though not unfriendly.

"Thank you for meeting me." Niles said politely, giving her a quick smile.

"It's quite alright, I figured you had an answer to my question."

He sighed, frowning and then placed his index and middle fingers against his palms, trying to rub away the headache.

"I cannot answer that question, I'm afraid. All I know is that I cannot function without knowing how Miss Babcock is doing. As you know I am the Sheffields' butler...but every day, no matter what I do, I find myself thinking about her. I've snapped at my boss, I have been distant with the kids...I'm just not myself anymore..."

"Ironic, isn't it?" Bort observed coolly "Neither is Miss Babcock."

"Look, I honestly care about this woman, despite what she may have said...no, wait, let me rephrase that," he hurried to say, seeing his chances dwindling by the dark look the therapist had given him "what she told you is true, of course, but despite my actions...I do...I do care about her."

There it was again, that fresh pain in his eyes, completely open and for everyone to see. It clawed at the brunette's well-guarded heart but she stuck to her determination not to let him off the hook so easily.

"Mr. Brightmore, what I propose is the following. I want you to tell me everything you know about Miss Babcock's childhood and maybe, if I find the information to my satisfaction, I will let you know a couple of things in return."

Niles sighed but decided that it was better than nothing.

"There isn't much that I know and I doubt that you haven't heard it all before," he began and nodded when she gestured for him to continue "she's rich, of course, belongs to a wealthy family and is incredibly proud of that name."

As he talked, Bort extracted a notebook from her purse and scribbled something down. While Niles found this encouraging he was wrong in his belief, however, that she was recording new information, for instead she had merely noted how curious it was that he would mention her social class first.

"Her parents are divorced... have been for quite some time, though I cannot give you any accurate details there. She has an older sister, D.D., and an older brother, Noel. She never really mentions her sister, but is quite close...and fairly competitive with her brother. I know nothing about her mother...Stuart Babcock, however, I've met. Their relationship seems to be strained and Miss Babcock was desperately trying to impress him...it looked like a deep-rooted problem that goes way back. She was raised primarily by a nanny and they lived in a large estate when she was growing up. That's all I know about her childhood." he finished and Bort snapped the notebook shut with a dismissive gesture.

"There's one more thing though, when I brought her here, she mentioned someone called "James" and also her grandmother a lot." Niles added and when he saw the therapist's eyes light up approvingly, he knew that he had struck gold.


	5. Chapter 4

**Hello, Hello!:) I'm the happiest writer to have people like you reviewing and trusting me with this story ;) And in celebration of that (lol) we now enter C.C.'s childhood. I hope you find it enjoyable and maybe a little bit more exciting than the previous set-up chapters. ;) Drop me a line and let me know what you think!**

**Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine, just toying with them as I love to do!;)  
**

Chapter 4:

After Niles Brightmore had left, Dr. Bort had ordered another coffee and pensively considered her next move. Theoretically she wasn't all the wiser, only in terms of facts that might explain the butler's hostile attitude towards her patient, but at least she had a vague idea of which names to mention that might possibly trigger C.C.'s memory. Of course she had given him information in return, although he hadn't looked particularly elated about it. Bort couldn't really blame him; after all, sometimes it was harder to know the truth than worry about something without possessing real knowledge. As she raised the coffee mug to her lips she realised that no liquid was there anymore to reach her mouth, and so she set it back down on the table and rose to her feet.

C.C. Babcock's room was located on the top floor of the hospital building. One could enjoy a lovely view of the bordering park and the skyscraper landscape of New York City, yet Bort nor her patient, had had a chance yet to enjoy it. When the brunette opened the door she found her patient, much to her relief, sitting peacefully in bed playing with the blanket.

"C.C.?" she softly asked, having learned from earlier encounters that the woman didn't respond well to her formal title anymore.

"Are you a doctor?" the former producer asked curiously.

Bort tried to calm her breathing down even more, mentally noting that C.C. seemed in an excellent state to be interviewed.

"Yes, I am." she replied with a gentle smile and pulled up a chair next to the bed.

"I feel a bit sick, is that why I'm here? I don't like it...it's boring. Will mommy and daddy pick me up soon?"

Dr. Bort sighed thoughtfully and then suddenly realised the excellent opening.

"Yes, my dear, that's why you're here. Your parents will be back soon. Why don't you tell me a little bit about them? Their clothes looked really pretty."

"My mommy's always beautiful," C.C. bragged proudly "her hair is like threads of gold, coz it shimmers in the sun."

"That's true...where do you live C.C.?"

"We all live in a mansion...no...wait...daddy calls it an estate...in..." she scrunched her knows, trying to think "R-O-C-H-E-S-T-E-R...that's in New Hampshire...and D.D. and Noel live there too."

"Are these your siblings?" Bort asked, already knowing the answer.

"Mmh..." C.C. replied, nodding vigorously.

"Are they nice? Do you get along with them?"

"Well...," she began, her eyes focusing on something in the distance.

_Flashback:_

"_Just climb up, come on, it's fun." C.C. whispered into her sister's ear, eyes shining with glee. _

_"But mommy said we're not allowed-" _

_"Coward," C.C. hissed, drawing away and giving the older blonde girl a cool look. _

_"I'm not a coward, I prove it to you." D.D. contradicted, sticking out her tongue and climbed up on the banister. _

_"That's it," C.C. breathed in awe, a sly smile playing on her lips "now glide down, trust me, it's fun." _

_Her sister's blue eyes filled with fear fixed hers for a moment, but then she let go and slid down. Suddenly there was a scream and then a crash and C.C.'s heart seemed to stop. She risked one glance at D.D. who was lying at the foot of the staircase, weeping, and then she tore off in the opposite direction, far away from the footsteps that had been drawing closer. She had just managed to smooth out her skirt and sit down at the miniature table next to her dolls, when her father's angry voice boomed through the silence of the large house. _

_"Chastity Claire, come down here at once!" _

_She sighed, feeling nervous, and continued with her make-believe tea party. She heard his heavy steps approaching, could practically feel his anger before he had even entered the room, but bravely she held up the little tea pot and filled the cups. _

_"Chastity, I expect you to answer when I call you." Stuart Babcock said, standing in the doorway. _

_C.C. lifted her head a little to face him, confusion written all over her face. _

_"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you." _

_"Why is your sister lying on the floor, crying because she snapped her wrist?" he questioned and C.C. opened her mouth in the best shocked way she could. _

_"Is she hurt?" _

_"Well, of course she is, stupid girl. Didn't you listen? She broke her wrist! You can't play innocent with me; Deirdre told me that it was you who made her slide down the banister." _

_C.C. clenched her fist around the cup she was holding, as the word "traitor" longed to slip past her lips. _

_"She's making it up. She's just clumsy and upset coz she got caught...she's lying." she then exclaimed exasperatedly. _

_"When will you stop treating this as a joke, Chastity?" her father said, sitting by her side and roughly gripping her arms "Your sister just got hurt because of your actions. Don't you have a heart?" _

_C.C. gasped and tears sprang to her eyes, feeling almost as if he had slapped her in the face. _

_"I didn't do anything." she insisted stubbornly. _

_"I swear to God, girl, if you don't start telling the truth soon I'll-" _

_"Daddy, you're hurting me." she now whimpered as his nails painfully dug into her skin. _

_"Stuart," a sharp voice said from the door and he released his daughter "what do you think you're doing?" _

_He whirled around, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "I just had to call the doctor, because your precious Chastity is responsible for another one of Deirdre's mysterious accidents." _

_"I didn't do anything, mummy," C.C. begged, her light-blue eyes glistening with tears "D.D.'s a liar..." _

_"It's alright, angel." B.B. replied, rushing over to cradle her daughter against her chest "Your father just need to learn to control his temper. Of course you'd never hurt your sister." _

_C.C. wrapped her arms around her mother's neck and buried her face against her shoulder in that special spot that always smelled sweetly of perfume. Stuart turned around to leave and check on his older daughter, but when taking one final look in the room he saw that C.C. had begun to smile. _

_

* * *

_

"_So anyway, D. says she doesn't want to talk to you again." Noel finished his report and eyed his younger sister who was sitting on the window sill, knees drawn to her chest. _

_"She always says that," C.C. commented "but it's her own fault, really. How can you be so stupid to fall off a banister? A baby can slide down it..." _

_"Don't you feel sorry at all?" he asked, cleaning his perfectly round-shaped glasses on his cardigan._

_"Why? You're just as bad as daddy...I didn't hurt her, I've got nothing to do with it." _

_"Yes, but you pressured her. D. worships you and you know it, she's like your puppet." Noel explained patiently and C.C. rolled her eyes. _

_"You're insane..." _

_"Daddy was furious," he stated and watched how his sister's eyes suddenly clouded with sadness. _

_"I know...he hates me...he's always hated me..." and she gazed out the window over the vast garden that belonged to the Babcock estate. _

_"He's just protective of Deirdre and if these "accidents" keep happening," he paused for effect "what else do you expect?" _

_"Mummy will sort it out," she sighed, trying to shake the sadness. _

_"Yes, but only coz you've got her wrapped around your little finger. She would never doubt her angel." _

_"But daddy doesn't buy it, I know." C.C. sighed, resting her head on her knees. _

_"Hey Chas, do you wanna play a game?" Noel suddenly asked, knowing very well what cheered his sister up._

_ And as if on cue her head snapped up as she fixed him, her eyes sparkling with mischief. _

_"What did you have in mind?" _

_"I bet you five pieces of candy that you cannot get D. to talk to you again within 1 day." _

_"Five pieces? Please," C.C. scoffed, pretending not to care. _

_"Alright then, if you're so sure. Ten pieces of candy. You have 24 hours to get D. to talk to you again, just as before." _

_"It's a deal," C.C. said, shaking his hand and gracefully hopped from the window sill "let's go to your room." _

_"Why?" _

_"To pick out the candy that you're going to owe me very soon." _

_He shook his head in amusement and followed his sister whose strides were full of confidence again. _

_

* * *

_

_It was late at night, and long since passed her bedtime when C.C. sneaked down the stairs to get a glass of milk. She had almost reached her destination when raised voices caught her attention and lured her in the direction of the library. _

_"I'm telling you the girl is trouble and if you keep coddling her like that it won't do her any good." _

_"She's 5, Stuart, how do you expect me to treat her?" _

_"Age is just a number where that girl is concerned...she's calculating, sly... and you're a fool for underestimating her." _

_"Stop yelling at me, Stuart." her mother begged "We're fighting again...every night..." _

_"And we'll continue until you get that girl under control." _

_Tears were now pooling in C.C.'s eyes and she lowered her head. _

_"Miss Chastity," a deep voice addressed her and she whirled around to find Nanny Bobo standing behind her. _

_Rapidly the little girl blinked until the tears were gone and she felt certain again that her voice would be steady. _

_"I want a glass of milk," it wasn't a request, but rather a command. _

_But despite the arrogance the little girl seemed to be displaying the elderly Nanny continued to smile at her warmly and held out her hand. _

_"Come on, I take you to the kitchen." _

_C.C. suppressed a squeal and took the outstretched hand, finding comfort in the gentle touch almost immediately. The kitchens were her favourite area of the house, along with the library, just that the kitchens were much more exciting, because she wasn't supposed to play there. Her parents were firm in their rules that servants and Babcocks shouldn't mix, only, of course, to offer their services. While that message had been burned into C.C.'s brain from very early on, she didn't pay much attention to it, not when the servants were so funny and different and there was so much to explore. Now the kitchens were dark and deserted and C.C. hopped onto her favourite chair and waited patiently for the nanny to bring her the glass of milk she had asked for. _

_"Mummy and daddy were fighting again," she dropped, trying to keep her tone neutral. _

_"You shouldn't be out of bed," Nanny Bobo said sternly in return. _

_"Couldn't sleep," C.C. shrugged "I lost a bet today... Noel keeps gloating." _

_"What bet?" the woman asked, sitting down on a chair by C.C.'s side and placed the glass of milk in front of her. _

_"To make D.D. talk to me again...she's still refusing..." C.C. explained, taking a sip. _

_"Well, she did get quite badly hurt. But I think she's just disappointed in you..." _

_"It's not my fault," C.C. snapped, instantly defensive "I didn't push her." _

_"I overheard you talking to your brother today...you might not have pushed her, but you asked her to do it even though she was scared." _

_C.C. remained silent, simply taking sips of her drink. _

_"I wish she would talk to me...it's so dull without her..." _

_The elderly woman smiled tenderly at the young child, who always caused complications but had won over her heart nonetheless. _

_"She will in time, Miss Chastity," she replied, resting her hand on top of C.C.'s and giving it a gentle squeeze "just remember what it feels like to lose someone you love. Think about that next time you persuade her to do something against her will." _


	6. Chapter 5

**Hi guys :) Is anyone still reading this?lol I kinda hope so...but I'm enjoying this too much to stop now. ;) We're still exploring C.C.'s childhood a bit so I'm hoping that you'll enjoy this!;) Leave me a review please and let me know if I'm just writing this for myself...lol**

**Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine, I'm just having a lil fun with them!;)  
**

Chapter 5:

Dr. Bort had noted everything C.C. had disclosed, even the most unimportant aspects had been written down in minuscule detail. She had been working with the blonde long enough to know that she certainly wasn't an angel, but had guessed that the sarcasm and bitterness had come over the years, while this might still be true, she had now come to realise that C.C. apparently had been a hellcat from a very early age onwards. But this still amused her more than anything. Now, on the second day of their official therapy, C.C. had asked her to sit down on her bed, because she wanted to share a story with her. Bort observed how excited she seemed to be, unable to sit still or hide her happiness.

"You asked me last night what I liked to do, right? And remember how I told you that I like eavesdropping and winning bets against Noel?"

"I remember," Bort said, smiling softly.

"I forgot something!" C.C. blurted out, her eyes lighting up even further.

"What is it?"

"I love going to functions." The blonde said, nodding passionately.

Bort frowned slightly, a bit unfamiliar with the ceremonies and events that were important to the upper classes.

"Yeah, daddy does business there and mummy and I get all pretty. I can wear the finest dresses and people look at me and compliment me!"

"So you attend these events as a family?"

"Yes," C.C. muttered, sulking.

"What's wrong?" Bort questioned, her curiosity peaked.

"D.D. doesn't like em, she ruins everything..." C.C. complained.

_Flashback:_

"_Babette, is this really necessary?" Stuart Babcock asked, pinching the bridge of his nose. _

_"Honey, last week you asked me to attend this business dinner with the Dallersons, is it really too much to ask you come with us tonight?" _

_"That was business...tonight is just for dull people who have no idea what to do with their lives." _

_B.B.'s brilliant blue eyes grew sad and pained as her body posture stiffened. _

_"Is that what you think of me? A mindless dummy who attends these functions to fill a void?" _

_"Deirdre, Chastity, please leave." Their father's tired voice came, resigned but none of the girls missed the slight edge to it either. _

_"I hate these stupid parties," D.D. complained, once the door was closed behind them "mommy and daddy always fight when we have to go." _

_"Don't be stupid," C.C. snapped "mommy and daddy always fight. I think that these functions are fun." _

_"You just like the attention," D.D. replied, sticking out her tongue. _

_"And you're just jealous because everybody is looking at me." _

_Her sister looked as if she was about to retort, but then thought better of it and left her alone in the corridor. C.C. pressed her ear to the door in a very unladylike fashion, but her curiosity needed to be stilled. _

_"You just don't understand how bored I am," her father was saying. _

_"Well, that's tough because you didn't ask once how I was feeling last week! As a matter of fact, I don't think you even care about my feelings anymore." _

_"Please, Babette, just snap out of it, don't you think you're being a bit dramatic?" _

_"You call this dramatic? I think I'm pretty calm considering you just insulted my way of life." _

_"Maybe my mother was right... you aren't any different from the people you surround yourself with. These vicious, superficial harpies!" _

_"That they may be," B.B. spat, her voice close to breaking "but they are my only friends nonetheless!" _

_Then C.C. heard her father's footsteps and just managed to hide behind one of the many statues that were decorating the halls of the Babcock estate. She sighed, took a deep breath, and checking that he was nowhere in sight, she hesitantly knocked on her parents' bedroom door. When she got no reply, she opened the door and entered. Her mother was sitting by the dresser, her hair pulled up but the front few strands were cascading down in curls and framing her face. Tear stains on her cheek combined with her red eyes gave her the look of beautiful sadness. _

_"Mommy?" C.C. asked quietly, while tugging on her skirt. _

_But B.B.'s eyes were focused on something far away and she didn't seem to hear her daughter. Any normal child would've grown incredibly frightened, but young C.C. had experienced this situation many times before, and so swallowed down her tears. With great care she climbed upon her mother's lap, treating her as one would a fragile Ming vase. _

_"I love you, mommy." she told her bravely, wrapping her small arms around her and held her, as if trying to absorb her sadness. _

_But when she pulled away, B.B. Babcock still hadn't moved. Now growing slightly more panicked, C.C. shifted around on her mother's lap, so she could reach for the hairbrush. She pulled it through her hair roughly, smoothing out the tangled mess that were her curls. Placing the brush down again, she picked up a couple of clips and shoved them into her hair. _

_"See, mommy, now I'm as pretty as you!" she exclaimed proudly, though her high-pitched voice gave away her tension. A weak smile graced B.B.'s features, and encouraged by that, her daughter continued. _

_Opening the little chest where the make-up was kept, she screwed open the red lipstick and applied it thickly. Then she dipped her finger in purple eye-shadow and applied it to her lids as she had seen her mother do a million times. _

_"I'll go with you to the party." she told her "Look, I'm all ready to go!" _

_All of a sudden a laugh bubbled up from deep inside B.B. and her eyes became alive again. _

_"You silly little girl," she scolded, chuckling "just look at your face!" _

_"I was just trying to look like you." C.C. explained, her face slowly easing into a smile. _

_"Well, we'll get you all cleaned up," her mother promised, pulling out hand wipes "then we pick out a dress and then I show you how mommy does her make-up!" _

_C.C. nodded in agreement, hopping up and down excitedly on B.B.'s lap._

_

* * *

_

_Dinner was a relatively quiet affair, as all children noticed the absence of their father. Noel merely glanced at the empty seat and then busied himself eating. C.C. sat next to her mother and tried to keep her distracted, going so far as to even kick D.D. under the table, when she showed signs of crying. When dinner was over she left her mother in the care of Noel, who endlessly droned on about his butterfly collection. Knowing that she only had a small window of opportunity, she ran down the corridor and into her room. Her closet was large, already having the size of two small rooms, and she ran her hands over the many different fabrics, until she stopped by a midnight blue dress. Diamonds were sewn on the bodice that ended in a sweetheart neckline, and the skirt was puffy and large, stopping just below her knees. It was a brand-new acquisition, that had been tailor made for her. Standing on her tiptoes to reach it, she took it off its hook and ran all the way back to the dining room._

_"Got the dress!" she announced and glared at Noel who had rolled his eyes. _

_"Let's wait for your sister, so I can help you both together." B.B. suggested but C.C. shook her head impatiently. _

_"Nanny Bobo is helping her and you promised to show me how to do make-up." she insisted, pouting. _

_"You're right, my angel." B.B. soothed, not even registering C.C.'s triumphant grin "Noel, would you be a dear and change into a suit? And tell Deirdre where we are." _

_"Yes, mother." he replied formally and then left for his bedroom._

_Back in her parents' quarters C.C. was putting on her dress after having freshened up. _

_"Beautiful," her mother gushed and patted the chair in front of a large mirror, signalling her to take a seat. _

_C.C. hopped on it with ease, her feet dangling off the edge. _

_"Now, first I am going to do your hair," B.B. explained, combing her daughter's hair until it was tamed and could be pulled up to sit in a loose bun. "Now for your make-up...we use a little eyeliner," she said, kneeling down in front of her daughter "so close your eyes and sit still." _

_C.C. did her best to follow the instructions, though it was difficult not to blink when she felt the heavy tip of the pen on her eyes. _

_"Good girl!" B.B. praised "And now a bit of silver eye-shadow and you'll look like a princess." _

_This time, when C.C. opened her eyes and saw her reflection in the mirror, she gasped. Feeling utterly transformed and beautiful, she seemed to realise for the first time just how alike she and her mother were in looks. _

_"No lipstick for you though, young lady." B.B. said sternly and drew C.C. from her reverie. _

_"Oh please!" her daughter whined. _

_"No, you know that your daddy doesn't like it." _

_"But you use it," C.C. argued stubbornly. _

_"Well, I am a grown-up." B.B. said but grew softer at her daughter's pout "Ok, maybe a little lip gloss." _

_Once she was done C.C. played in her mother's room until she, too, was ready to go. Side by side and giggling happily they walked to the front door, where the servants waited to help them into their coats. She hummed happily, fastening her wrap around her shoulders and then caught her mother stealing nervous glances at the door. Apparently they were running late and there was no sign of her father or her siblings. _

_"I'll go check on them," she offered and raced off to her sister's room. _

_She was just about to run inside, when she heard her father's warm voice. _

_"You look stunning, Deirdre." _

_C.C. peeked through the slight gap in the doorway and saw the pride in his smile. _

_"We have to go now, mommy is waiting." she interrupted and D.D. nodded and hopped off her chair. _

_"You should knock first before entering a room, Chastity." Her father criticised and C.C. sighed. _

_Nevertheless her eyes were expectantly glued to his face, waiting for a compliment of her own. _

_"And do wipe off that lipstick..." he ended, walking past her and her shoulders slumped. _

_The party was held at the Johnston estate, which was even larger than the Babcock's. Hundreds of guests were entertained in the many rooms and there was plenty of food to choose from. Entering the main hall with her family, C.C. instantly reveled in the appreciative glances she gained. It seemed that not everyone was so ignorant as not to notice her beauty. She smiled politely at them and even curtsied as her mother had taught her. _

_"Isn't she adorable? Is that your youngest one?" a group of women chattered excitedly as they gathered around C.C. _

_Stuart shook his head and set off in the opposite direction, his son in tow, hoping to do some business. But D.D., C.C. and B.B. remained where they were, the mother answering questions, C.C. smiling and D.D. looking decidedly uncomfortable. _

_"You will have to come and sit at our table," and elderly man said, who had joined the group "I'm sure there are so many stories concerning these little darlings you will want to share." _

_C.C. watched her mother closely and saw how her chest swelled with pride and felt drunk with happiness. _

_"Yes, she could sit on my lap," another gentleman offered "you'd like that, wouldn't you? I know my granddaughter is absolutely crazy about it." _

_C.C. chanced one last look at her mother and saw that she was still smiling, so she nodded eagerly. _

_"Of course I'd like to, Sir." she said and winced when she felt D.D.'s elbow in her ribs. _

_"Are you insane?" her sister whispered quietly "You can't just go and sit on people's laps!" _

_"Why not?" C.C. asked, still smiling. _

_"Because we don't know them. I'm the older one, you should listen to me, I've heard so many stories." _

_"Oh shut up, you don't know what you're talking about. It'll be just like sitting on daddy's lap." _

_"This isn't daddy though," D.D. pressed but C.C. ignored her. _

_Instead she followed her mother, the ladies and gentlemen to their table and did as had been asked of her. If felt comfortable and good to be admired and secretly she thought that her sister's behaviour had been ridiculous and dramatic. What was so wrong if they all wanted to look at her? D.D. was only jealous, she decided. But as the evening progressed and the wine flowed, everyone seemed to lose their inhibitions and she was losing her patience a bit for the man's hands, on whose lap she was sitting, kept drifting back to her thighs, no matter how often she shifted. She bit her lip and forced herself to sit still, she couldn't possibly cause a scene, not when her mother seemed so happy. Her sister, however, had other plans and purposefully knocked over a glass of wine that spilled all over C.C.'s dress. She shrieked and jumped off the man's lap, cursing at the stains that were appearing. _

_"What did you do that for?" she yelled. _

_"It was an accident." Her sister said, though she didn't even try to sound sincere. _

_"Deirdre, look how clumsy you are!" B.B. scolded angrily "Now Chastity's dress is ruined. I really cannot take you along to these events, can I?" _

_Hearing the commotion Stuart Babcock approached looking fairly displeased. _

_"What happened?" he asked. _

_"Look what Deidre did, look!" B.B. yelled, roughly pulling C.C. around to face her father "That dress was worth thousands!" _

_"I'm sure it was only an accident," her father soothed. _

_"Accident? Your daughter is useless, that's what's going on here." _

_"Don't you dare talk like that! She's standing right in front of you!" Stuart barked, his tone rising in volume. _

_An awkward silence ensued and C.C. could, once again, feel all eyes upon her, only this time she didn't enjoy it one bit. _

_"I'm completely humiliated," her mother sobbed and ran out of the hall. _

_"Let's go." Stuart said and the children sadly trudged behind him. _

_"I was only trying to help," D.D. quietly whispered as they walked through the large corridor "I told you to be careful." _

_"I don't need your help, I can look after myself." C.C. snapped, angry at her sister for causing another argument between their parents. _


	7. Chapter 6

**Hello, Hello. Managed to update again. :) I have to send a HUGE thank you to samanddianefan10 for leaving a review as it cheered me up SO MUCH. It's good to know that at least you're still reading this. lol Right, chapter 7 will be the last one dedicated to C.C. and in chapter 8 our beloved butler will make an appearance again. Did anyone else miss him?lol Anyway, please leave me a review and make me happy, tell me if this is complete crap or acceptable. Also, this chapter features 2 things that C.C. actually mentioned in the show. Can you spot them? You can request anything if you do and I'll give you a cookie! lol **

**Disclaimer: The fabulous Miss B. isn't mine...I only wish.  
**

Chapter 6:

Dr. Bort was quite happy with the way the therapy progressed. Her patient was beginning to open up, more than she had ever done in a session when she had been her adult self. But just when Bort was starting to get hopeful, C.C. became more private and decidedly moodier. And there wasn't much that the therapist could do to change that.

"C.C., why don't you tell me what's been bothering you?" she asked, this time standing by the window, as to give the woman some space.

"It doesn't matter in anyway," C.C. sulked.

"It does to me." Bort insisted "Does this have anything to do with your parents?"

At this C.C. lifted her head and looked at her with light-blue eyes that were filled with deep sorrow. "Daddy won't be home for Christmas..."

_Flashback:_

"_Miss Chastity, hurry up, please! You're making everyone late!" she could hear Nanny Bobo's voice calling her from downstairs. _

_But seeing as her mother was still in bed and her father away on business, she did nothing and merely flopped back down on her bed, eyes glued to the television screen. "Lost in Space" was on and nowadays C.C. preferred the fictional life of the characters to that of her own. She heard footsteps approach after a while and buried her face in the softness of the pillows. _

_"Miss Chastity, it's time for school." The Nanny said, this time slightly less patiently. _

_"This is almost over," C.C. replied absent-mindedly, with a dismissive wave of her hand. _

_Nanny Bobo didn't say anything to that but merely marched towards the television and promptly switched it off. C.C. scrambled to sit up right, her arms crossed in front of her chest, and her cheeks reddening by the second. _

_"I will tell mother of this! You have absolutely no right to do that!" she said in a dangerously low voice. _

_"Fine, you tell her. But I'm sure she'll understand that it needed to be done in order to get you to school, now come along!" the older woman said, no understanding left in her tone anymore. _

_C.C. merely gave her an angry look and then picked up her bag from the floor and trudged downstairs to meet her siblings. _

_"Told you it wouldn't work," Noel teased triumphantly. _

_"Shut up," she hissed, snatching her coat out of the butler's hands and putting it on. _

_She hated school, loathed it with a passion. It wasn't a matter of intelligence, for young C.C. excelled in almost every subject, especially in math. It was a question of finding friends. The situation at home had got a lot worse, her parents spent most of their time apart and the few hours when they actually were together, they were only arguing. So naturally C.C. had looked forward to leaving the house behind for several hours a day, but now she wasn't sure anymore where she felt more alone. Everyone around her seemed to make friends so easily, but then again, all those girls were much prettier than she was. _

_She didn't talk to anyone on the drive to the school, still upset about Bobo's lack of understanding. And finally the large Victorian building loomed in the distance and C.C. felt as if her stomach was tied in a knot. A few minutes later and they had arrived and she could practically feel D.D.'s excitement growing, while Noel kept checking his watch. The chauffeur opened the door and waited patiently until the two girls had stepped outside, then he wished them a good day and slipped back inside the car, ready to drive their brother to his school. As her sister skipped through the wrought-iron gate, C.C. walked slowly, keeping behind until she too, entered school territory. Three girls almost instantly joined her side, chatting happily and walking with her to class. These were the people C.C. surrounded herself with, the only ones who would be near her but not out of affection, no, their motives were different, by far. Gillie and Martha, two not particularly smart individuals were eager to be friends with her because of all the treats this entailed. C.C. could offer them movie tickets, sweets and all the toys they wanted and none of them were too shy to ask for it either. Magdalene, the third one was clever and very quiet. But fate would have it that her parents weren't rich and she only attended this prestigious school because of a scholarship. Calculating as she was, she had soon figured out that the best trick to keep bullies at bay, was to be part of a clique. And while C.C.'s wasn't that high in status, it was certainly better than nothing. At first it had been both simple and fun, C.C. mused as she passed Martha the bracelet she'd been asking for, because the girls could be as easily manipulated as puppets. She had enjoyed the power, of course, but had also given in to the belief that just maybe they would come to like her for herself after a while. But now she realised that this had been nothing but an illusion. Though, of course, she was too proud to admit her mistake and cut the ties for good. _

_

* * *

_

_As Christmas time approached C.C. spent more and more time on her own, the only person who could get her to talk was her brother Noel. It was almost as if he was her only source to the outside world, seeing as he kept her informed of all the goings-on in the house and didn't try to sugar coat it, as her sister had attempted. The dislike towards D.D. had grown since the disastrous events of the last social function and C.C. blamed her entirely for the deterioration in their parents' relationship. She didn't even try to hide it either, but treated her sister with such coolness that would later on become connected with the Babcock name. _

_"Miss Chastity, your mother wants to know what your plans are for the weekend." Nanny Bobo inquired, knocking on her door. _

_The letters of the book she'd been reading swam before her eyes as she tried to remember. _

_"This weekend?" she finally gave in, frowning at the nanny. _

_"Yes, you know that your mother asked you to invite friends, she fears you're lonely." _

_C.C. sighed but tried not to give the older woman the satisfaction of seeing her weak. _

_"I'll ask them tomorrow..." she muttered. _

_It took a lot of coaxing but eventually she managed to persuade Magdalene, Martha and Gillie to spend Saturday at the Babcock estate. Snow had been falling for over a week, covering the grounds and freezing the world in a Winter Wonderland. All four girls were playing in the snow, but C.C. was magically drawn towards the frozen lake that glistened in the sunlight. Crouching down she touched its surface, but instantly pulled her hand away as if she'd been burned. Contenting herself with barely looking she found a spot where the ice wasn't covered with snow and smiled in surprise that she could see the water's depth clearly. It flowed and moved, bringing bubbles to the surface, almost as if the ice merely served as protection and didn't hinder the life within. C.C. knew her mother's warning, had heard it a million times, that she shouldn't walk on the ice, that it was too fragile to hold her but now she began to doubt it. And so she rose to her feet again and carefully placed one foot on the lake. She felt a tingle of fear but controlled herself and slowly inched forward. She had just become more confident when odd sounds attracted her attention. It was as if the ice moaned and creaked under the weight of her body and suddenly, with an almighty crash it gave in, swallowing her. The water chilled her bones, paralysed her as it reached even the most hidden parts of her skin. She tried to call for help but none of her friends budged. Neither Martha nor Gillie seemed to notice and continued playing, whereas Magdalene watched. Eventually C.C. stopped fighting, her lungs burning as if she'd swallowed acid and she closed her eyes as black dots clouded her vision. _

_She didn't know who it was that saved her, until she was sitting in a bathtub, being washed by one of the maids. Only then did her senses slowly return and she found her mother by her side and saw her father thanking Nanny Bobo, whose clothes were completely drenched. _

_"We told you not to go on the lake, Chastity." he then scolded, entering the room. _

_But his eyes were warm and filled with worry and for the first time C.C. felt his love for her. _

_"Where are you sending Bobo?" she asked, her teeth chattering. _

_"To warm up, otherwise she'll catch a cold." B.B. said. _

_

* * *

_

_However, much to C.C.'s dislike, by Christmas Day the situation between her parents had returned to normal and, despite her mother's pleas, her father had scheduled a business trip beginning 24__th__ December. It was a glum event, that C.C. would only partly remember, as the rest would better be left forgotten. Her sister was crying a lot, her brother was being pragmatic as always and her mother was drunk by noon. C.C. tried her best to enjoy the marvelous dinner the cooks had prepared, but not even the turkey, covered in cranberry jam would taste nice. Not when misery had enveloped the Babcock estate in its veil. In the evening Noel sat on the couch, completely lost in one of his books, while D.D. was playing with her dollhouse. C.C., sitting on the steps that led upstairs and to her escape (should she want to), observed her mother. B.B. was half lying in one of the overstuffed armchairs, her chin sinking to her chest as she dozed off repeatedly, while the cocktail glass in her left hand shook dangerously, almost spilling the contents on the expensive carpet. C.C. liked her mother more like that, she thought, asleep and silent, it certainly beat the bitter comments and insults she had flung towards her father before. Her father who couldn't be there for Christmas, who would rather be away on business. _

_"Miss Chastity, don't you want to open one of your gifts before you go to bed?" Nanny Bobo asked, taking a seat next to her. _

_"No, I don't care." she shrugged and heaved a sigh. _

_They continued to just sit next to each other in silence as the fire cackled comfortably in the background. _

_"I tried to find a present for you, for saving my life." C.C. said, addressing her knees "But I didn't know what to buy." _

_"That's quite alright, Miss Chastity. You didn't have to buy me anything." _

_C.C. nodded, but didn't press the point that she had really wanted to. Slowly she rose to her feet, deciding that she might as well go to bed. To her surprise Nanny Bobo mirrored her actions and then softly pulled her into an embrace. _

_"Merry Christmas, Miss Chastity." she said warmly, stroking her back._

_ And for some inexplicable reason C.C. felt tears sting in her eyes. _


	8. Chapter 7

**Hello, Hello. Final chapter addressing C.C.'s childhood. The next one will take place again in the present tense and, as promised, Niles will appear ;) Thanks to those who are patiently sticking with it. I kinda feel that I should add here that I don't hate Stuart lol I actually have a huge soft spot for him which is...quite something, considering he appeared in 1 episode. But I have my own reasons for the events of "Ode to Barbra Joan" and I'm trying to slowly explain them. Anyway, leave me a review...I'm so stressed out about my dissertation I could use some friendly words. **

**This chapter is particularly dedicated to the amazingly lovely Lauren Lane, who's turning 50 today. :) She is one half of the wonderful duo we all adore and I couldn't imagine anyone else in the role of C.C.! She's an incredibly talented actress and a genuine,charming, quirky person whom I greatly admire!:) One day I'll make it to Austin...**

**Disclaimer: The fabulous Miss B. isn't mine, as much as I wish she was. ;)**

Chapter 7:

As the days progressed, Bort felt that she was hitting more and more barriers. C.C. Babcock was becoming more private again, and Dr. Bort assumed that this change had to do with the more painful nature of the memories that were currently resurfacing.

"C.C., why don't you tell me what happened after Christmas?"

But she stubbornly shook her head.

"Did Nanny Bobo look after you?"

Something changed in the expression in her eyes. It was ever so subtle and had Bort blinked, she would've missed it.

"You're angry with her, why?" she asked and C.C. fixed her with an icy stare.

"They made everything worse," she said.

"They?" Bort repeated.

"Curious, meddling servants, overstepping the line…"

_Flashback:_

_C.C. sat on her favourite spot on the windowsill, gloomily staring outside. The memories of the recent events still so fresh in her mind, that she was having severe difficulties suppressing her tears. After another gruelling fight between her parents, C.C. had tried to cheer up her mother again. But this time, no matter what she did or how hard she tried, her mother wouldn't emerge again from her depressed state, leaving C.C. to feel utterly scared and powerless. Finally, she had given up and sneaked out of the room, her shoulders slumped, a clear sign of defeat. It was later on when the tears had subsided, and she had filled the painful void with candy, that she recalled what her father had muttered. _

_"Why didn't I leave when I had the chance?" _

_She had been pondering over it ever since. Now a soft knock sounded and C.C. lifted her head. _

_"Yes?" she called quietly, half hoping that whoever it was, would go away again and leave her. But no such luck. _

_"Why Chas, are we all miserable again?" Noel asked dryly, stepping into the room "Now there's a surprise." _

_She rolled her eyes, irked by his mockery and determined not to let him get away with it. _

_"Just because you'd rather surround yourself with dead animals doesn't mean that the rest of us have to be so ignorant too." _

_To her annoyance he merely chuckled and sat down on her bed.  
_

_"Just look at it like this, Chas, when mother and father divorce there will finally be silence again in the house. Not to mention the presents we'll inevitably get, when they're trying to make it up to us." _

_"That's easy for you to say, you'll soon be sent to boarding school. You'll be gone." C.C. sighed, frowning at him. _

_He flashed a brilliant smile and crossed his arms above his head. _

_"Have you mentioned these ingenious visions of the future to D.D.?" she asked and Noel's face sobered. _

_"Of course not! She'd be bawling her eyes out in an instant! But not you, you're made of tougher stuff, you can take it." _

_She remained silent, oddly pleased by his compliment yet not entirely happy either. While D.D.'s crying certainly annoyed her, she had also noticed that people soon comforted her, as if the tears of a little girl were enough to melt the coldest man. This hadn't happened to her and maybe that was why Noel's praise meant so much to her. _

_"Daddy said something that confused me," she voiced, shifting on the windowsill so that her legs were now dangling over the she continued to fill her brother in about the curious utterance. "Do you know what he meant?" _

_Noel had sat up while she'd been talking and was now making a conscious effort to avoid her eyes. _

_"No, he was angry. It probably doesn't even make any sense." he stated evenly. _

_"Now look me in the eye and say that." C.C. growled, hopping off the windowsill. _

_"C.C., it doesn't matter." he firmly told her and now she definitely knew that something was wrong. _

_"Noel, you just said that I'm the strong one, so stop treating me like a baby now and tell me the truth." _

_He sighed and nervously cleaned his glasses. _

_"A while ago," he began "mother and father decided to have a divorce." _

_"How long ago?" C.C. probed, her mouth dry. _

_"Just before you were born." _

_"What does that mean?" _

_"Mother found out she was pregnant and begged father to say... and he did, because he tried to avoid rumours or open conflict that may damage the reputation of the business." _

_"If I hadn't been born they'd be divorced now?" she asked just to clarify and Noel nodded. _

_"Look, Chas, it doesn't matter. I don't want you to-" _

_"Thank you, Noel." she said curtly, turning her back on him. _

_He sighed, wanting to reach out and touch her shoulder but didn't, because the hostility that was rippling off her scared him. _

_"I'll be in my room." he told her quietly and left. _

_C.C. let out the breath she'd been holding when she heard the door close behind him. It was her fault that her parents had stayed together, that they'd put each other through the hell of the love and the hate they felt. Her nails were painfully digging into her arm, but at least the sting was sharp enough to stop her from shaking. If only she hadn't been born..._

_

* * *

_

_After she had gained knowledge of the reason why her parents had stayed together, she spent a lot of time keeping out of trouble. As a matter of fact, she behaved like a model daughter: calm, sweet, polite. But only her sister D.D. seemed to appreciate the change. It was late one night and C.C., restless and unable to sleep, decided to slip out of bed. It was completely dark in her room, only the moonlight, shining in through the window, illuminated the scene. She pulled open the heavy oak door and stepped into the complete blackness of the corridor. Her careful steps seemed to echo in the hall, as she tiptoed through the estate. She didn't know where she was headed until she arrived in front of the kitchens. Working the handle she discovered that the door wasn't locked and, smiling happily, she sneaked inside. C.C. walked to the fridge and poured herself a glass of milk, but then she noticed a quarter of cheesecake and grabbed that too. Sitting down by the counter she began munching away happily, until the sudden light flooding into the room startled her. _

_"Miss Chastity!" the head butler scolded, his finger still resting on the light switch. _

_C.C., mouth full of cheesecake and the glass of milk raised to her lips, didn't speak. _

_"What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night." he continued, moving towards her. _

_"Obviously she was hungry," one of the cooks interjected, who had been standing behind the butler. _

_"I couldn't sleep," she finally muttered, washing the cake down with some milk. _

_"But you shouldn't be here now, Miss." The butler spoke up again. _

_"James, cut the kid some slack! You know how them toffs have been fighting." _

_C.C. watched how the butler shot the cook a dirty look and although she wasn't familiar with the terms he had used, she knew that he had meant her parents. _

_"It's alright, he's right," she said quietly and instantly felt both pairs of eyes on her "And I'm the reason why." _

_"Well, Miss Chastity, I am aware that you are a special child, with all due respect-" _

_"She's a right hellcat." The cook laughed and C.C. smiled at him. _

_"But I highly doubt that you have done anything to cause... the current situation." James continued undeterred. _

_C.C. sighed and bit her lip, not wanting to disclose the reason in fear of turning even the servants against her. _

_"Mommy doesn't stop crying," she said instead and a glum silence followed. _

_"Listen, do you like that cake?" the cook asked, pointing at her plate and she nodded "Why don't you make one for your mother? I'm sure that would cheer her up, sweets contain happiness hormones, you know?" _

_"I can't bake though, that's your job." she said, matter-of-factly. _

_"I'd make it with you," he said, grinding his teeth at her arrogance. _

_"Alright," she agreed with sudden eagerness, determined to do anything in her power to make the situation better. _

_"I don't think that's wise, Jeremy, we're not supposed to-" _

_"Go to bed then, if you're afraid." he challenged and the old butler sighed. _

_"Goodnight, Miss Chastity." he said with an apologetic look and then, pulling his robe tighter around his body, walked away. _

_"Now that we've got rid of him," Jeremy continued, his eyes twinkling with mischief "go and wash your hands, roll up your sleeves and then we'll begin."_

_They worked the entire night until the cake had been created that was almost perfection. C.C. watched how the cook evened out the 6 layer chocolate cake, smoothing the surface carefully and then, after he had tied a red ribbon around it he let her write "For Mommy" on it. She finally went to bed very early in the morning, but with a sense of achievement and pride. Later on that day she dressed nicely in one of her favourite dresses and even let Nanny Bobo do her hair and then she entered the dining room where the cake had already been placed on the table. Excitement made her fidget until her mother arrived, sitting down at the opposite end of the table. _

_"Look what I made for you, mommy." C.C. eagerly announced and jumped off her chair, pointing at the chocolate cake. _

_Her mother's eyes widened and for a moment C.C. thought that the cook's plan might have worked, but then her mother said: "Chastity, it's dangerous for little girls to play in the kitchen." _

_"I wasn't alone though," she blurted out, trying to defend herself "Jeremy helped me." _

_"Jeremy?" her mother's forehead crinkled in confusion. _

_"Yes, one of the cooks," C.C. nodded eagerly. _

_Now B.B. looked at her almost coldly. _

_"Chastity, what have I been telling you? You do not mingle with the domestic staff. We're above them! Just imagine what would happen if people found out that my daughter has been baking...with a servant no less." _

_For a moment the previous night flashed before C.C.'s eyes, all the effort and all the fun they'd had, but she didn't dare to argue and merely hung her head in shame. _

_"I'm sorry, mother." she whispered. _

_But she didn't get a reply, there merely was the light tinkling of the bell and then Nanny Bobo's deep voice filled the room. _

_"You called, Ma'am?" _

_"Yes, take that away and bring my daughter to her room." _

_C.C. kept her eyes on the floor the entire time as she left the dining room and followed the nanny. She sensed that the older woman wanted to say something, but she felt far too ashamed to accept her good-hearted words. Now she had disappointed her mother too... what had she been thinking trusting that man? She should've known better. But her anger wasn't directed at herself anymore, it was directed at him. _

_"I want him fired," she quietly said, but with a deep-rooted fury. _

_"Miss Chastity-" Nanny Bobo tried to argue. _

_"No, you will do as I say." C.C. cut her off._

_

* * *

_

_Two months later her parents filed for divorce. C.C. remembered the day vividly, because she could still hear D.D.'s crying and Noel's comforting words and the servants' whispers about herself, the girl who took it all without displaying any emotions. She stood at the window on the day her father left, feeling even more alone in the big house now. She watched how her mother cried when she hugged and kissed her children and how her father took them away without so much as a glance back at the estate. From now on it would only be her and her mother, or as her father had said: _

_"You can keep your little angel."_


	9. Chapter 8

**Hello, Hello!:) Thanks for the reviews, they were quite encouraging. Now Niles is back and he's making an important decision!;) This chapter is slightly shorter, but not less important. I hope you enjoy it and please keep leaving me reviews!;)**

**Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine...although Dr. Bort almost feels like I created her. lol  
**

Chapter 8: 

Niles Brightmore enjoyed the finer things in life. He loved nothing more than a good soak in the Jacuzzi, or helping himself to his boss' cigars and brandy. He enjoyed a good gossip session over some self-made cheesecake with the biggest Yenta in town, his best friend, Fran Fine. But above all these things he valued a sparring match with his acclaimed nemesis, C.C. Babcock, the wittiest and sharpest woman he knew. And maybe it was because of the lack of her company that Niles felt as if every day dragged by in the same meaningless routine. It had been 44 days precisely since he had last seen her and with every day that passed he was losing more and more pieces of himself. Begrudgingly he came to admit that the woman defined him, that she had influenced him more than he had realised. How could he be Niles the snarky butler after all, if there was no aloof, smart socialite to challenge him? This realisation, the fact that he so utterly depended on her, had been more difficult to come to terms with than his love for her. His attraction and later on the depth of his feelings for her had been dealt with. Had been accepted as inevitable in the given circumstances. But he couldn't function without her and he had come to experience this in the fullest now. 44 days... but not one day longer. It was this determination that swiftly carried him up to his boss' office, knocking carelessly as he already strode into the room.

"Yes Niles, what is it?" his voice was curt and the brown eyes that were still scanning the piece of paper in front of him indicated that this interruption wasn't appreciated at all.

Niles sighed, suddenly nervous again, for he had only just smoothed things out with Maxwell.

"Mr. Sheffield, there is something I am going to ask you. And I need your attention as a friend, not as an employer."

Now the brown eyes found his, no longer hidden by a pair of reading glasses."Yes?"

"From now on I will only work part-time." Niles stated evenly.

"That implies that you've worked full-time before, old man." Maxwell chuckled but the seriousness on the butler's face silenced him.

"I will work part-time, Sir," Niles continued "and it will be up to me which part of the day I am going to work here. The other half I will be in the hospital with Miss Babcock. I am partly responsible for this mess and I was a bloody fool to let Dr. Bort scare me off."

Maxwell was about to say something, disliking the confidence with which he was being addressed but then a memory stirred.

_"Look how he cares about her, Max. Look how he's willing to put his own well-being aside for her. That, my dear, is love." _

He let his thoughts linger with Sara, his late wife, and smiled at her wisdom, her insight about people's feelings- an area in which he was quite disastrous. It was with these memories in mind that he softly replied: "You do that, old man."

Niles looked at him surprised, for he certainly hadn't expected such an easy victory.

"Thank you, Sir," he stammered, moving back towards the door again "and if you don't mind, I'd rather be going now."

Maxwell nodded, smiling gently and then returned his attention to his contracts. He had been fortunate enough to find happiness again with Fran, if anything, Niles deserved the same.

* * *

The butler kept his word and left the house immediately, hailing the first taxi that he saw. He didn't have a plan of action per se, but somehow he knew that everything would fall into place once he saw her. He found her room with ease, the number had been engraved in his memory and he had mentally walked down the corridor to it several times. No nurse was in sight and so he slipped into the room, finding that C.C. was lying on the bed, fast asleep. His heart skipped a beat and ached at the same time upon seeing her. Slowly he approached, sitting down on the chair by her side and just contented himself drinking her in. She looked tired, but he was glad to find no other signs of distress on her face. Carefully he reached out and touched her cheek, aware of the risk that he might wake and startle her, but it had been too long and he had to make sure that she was still there.

"You know, C.C., this reminds me of my heart attack," he quietly told her "when you stayed by my side the entire time. Everyone was so surprised; they couldn't quite believe that the Bitch of Broadway had feelings. But I knew... and I appreciated your actions, there weren't any words necessary. And I'm staying with you now, my love, until you're ready to return to me."

* * *

And he did, though mostly she was asleep when he came by. Then one day she wasn't and he had felt it before entering the room. He smiled involuntarily when her light-blue eyes fixed on him, but his smile faded when no recognition washed over her features.

"Who are you?" she asked, her voice had a child-like quality to it that he couldn't quite explain.

"My name is Niles and I'm a friend." he tried, carefully approaching her.

She eyed him suspiciously, drawing her knees up to her chest. "Are you sick?" There was no warmth in her tone.

"A little," he shrugged, afraid that he might scare her.

"Mmh... I don't know what's wrong with me, but they're keeping me here." she stated and hugged her legs when he went to stand by the window.

"Well, are you hurting?" he asked "Because that's usually the case..."

He trailed off, afraid to mention that she was in a hospital, uncertain whether she really consciously knew or not.

"I don't know," she sighed "I just feel tired most of the time and... wrong..."

He nodded and turned to face her with a smile. "I know what that's like."

"You do?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes," he repeated "I was here once before... I had a heart attack..."

"That's scary," she commented, but with awe in her voice.

"It was, I think I scared a lot of people that day. Especially this woman...we have a complicated relationship."

She narrowed her eyes again, clearly not liking where this was going.

"Do you like this woman?" she asked bluntly.

"Yes," he replied without hesitation "And I did something, that wasn't so nice, to her...that day..."

"Like a prank?" C.C. breathed and then added with a grin "I always get in trouble for that..."

"Yes, something like that... that's why I said that I know what it's like to simply feel...wrong."

"Tell me!" she said, it was an order and he took a seat by her bedside.

"Well, it happened quite some time ago..."

* * *

Angelica Bort hadn't been at the hospital for quite some time, having decided that maybe what Miss Babcock needed was time and space. Nonetheless, she had received regular updates on her and had been surprised to hear that all her health check-ups had come back more positive than ever before. This was what brought Bort back to the hospital, assuming that C.C. Babcock might be ready for another session. She hadn't expected, however, to hear voices when she reached the hospital room, her hand suspended in mid-air. And she certainly hadn't expected to hear his voice... Opening the door, two pairs of blue eyes found her in an instant. C.C. wore a frown that didn't manage to hide the traces of a smile, however, and the butler's expression was that of someone caught in the act.

"Mr. Brightmore, a word." she said curtly and watched how C.C.'s frown deepened.

Niles, too, seemed to notice and smiled at her warmly.

"I'll be back to finish the story," he told her and then followed Bort outside.

"Don't you have a job?" Was the first thing the therapist asked, venting her anger.

"I do, I work part-time, I had to see Miss Babcock." he offered simply.

Bort let out a deep, resigned sigh. "What were you talking about?"

"A lot of things," he smiled "she's taken a liking to my stories."

And there was no denying that, for Bort had just witnessed it herself. She looked him up and down and silently noted that he seemed calmer, more at peace with himself than when she had last seen him.

"You ignored my orders, Mr. Brightmore," she sternly remarked "which is completely unacceptable."

But he didn't argue, nor did he show any signs of regret.

"I have something to propose to you, so why don't we go and have a cup of coffee?"

He nodded pensively. "I need to finish my story though first, otherwise she will think I've left her."

And there was really nothing Bort could say to that and so she merely gave him a weak smile and left for the cafeteria.


	10. Chapter 9

**Hello, Hello!:) My lovely readers who are patient enough to stick with this! :p I have another tiny little moment that just gets mentioned in the show...if you find it, let me know and you'll get a cookie!:p Meanwhile, Niles reading "The Song of Solomon" is probably the only religious hint you'll get from me...seeing as I don't believe myself, I just love reading that particular part of the bible.  
**

Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck. How fair is thy love, my sister, my spouse! how much better is thy love than wine! and the smell of thine ointments than all spices!

**Anyway, we're now diving a bit into Niles' childhood and hopefully you'll enjoy it. Leave me a review!:)**

**Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine...neither is the bible. ;)  
**

Chapter 9: 

More than an hour had passed when Niles joined Dr. Bort in the cafeteria for a cup of coffee. He looked tired, yet radiated happiness at the same time. The coffee was fresh, which was quite a rarity for a hospital canteen, and so Niles deeply inhaled its strong smell before taking a sip.

"I am going to be frank, Mr. Brightmore," Bort began "I wasn't pleased to see you in Miss Babcock's room today."

"I suspected as much," he replied calmly, a small smile playing on his lips.

"But despite my general dislike for you, I must come to accept that you're helping my patient."

He nodded and set his mug down.

"I've been trying to be careful," he voiced slowly.

"Good, because she might appear perfectly fine but we cannot be certain of it. Not until we know what memories agitate her. So I propose the following," She stopped briefly, to drink the last bit of her coffee. "You will continue to see Miss Babcock every day, but you will alert me if she shows any signs of distress or fatigue."

"Where will you be?" he asked, swirling the dark liquid around in his mug.

"I will be here and I give you my pager number."

"Alright," he agreed.

"And I want you to specifically discuss your childhood with her. Ever since her parents got divorced – I mean, of course, when she told me about it- she has been withdrawing. But she responded to you and that's why I have a feeling that she might be able to overcome this barrier with your help."

"Is it necessary?" he asked.

"Yes, extremely. If Miss Babcock does not move on to the next stage, her broken self might be tempted to remain where it is. Nonetheless, I cannot stress enough the difficulty of the process we're about to begin. It might be extremely painful for her to be confronted with all these memories again and we cannot force her. The success of this process, therefore, does not only have to do with us, but with her willingness to cooperate, however subconscious. So you see, Mr. Brightmore, this will require patience and there will be set-backs. Are you still determined to help?"

"Yes," he replied, there really wasn't much to think about.

* * *

It was just after noon the next day when Niles returned to the hospital. He couldn't help but feel nervous, knowing that Bort would be observing him. He saw her as he walked to the elevator, seemingly deep in conversation with a doctor, but then he saw her curt nod and knew that he had been spotted. A weak smile on his lips he returned the greeting and headed upwards to C.C.'s room. And once he was there with her, his nervousness evaporated, soothed away by the familiarity between them.

"Niles," she smiled and carelessly threw the book away that she'd been reading.

He took a seat by her side and handed her the bag he had brought with him.

"I couldn't bear to see you read "The Picture of Dorian Gray" again," he winked at her when she pulled several other books out of the bag.

"That's fantastic, thank you. It's so boring here with nothing to do."

He nodded in understanding and loosened his tie that he had forgotten to take off.

"How is your heart feeling today?" she asked, her eyes still scanning the various book titles.

"You know that the incident was more than 2 years ago." he said, worried that he might have scared her more than he had thought.

"I know, but you didn't answer my question," she replied, her blue eyes sternly fixing him now.

"My heart is very good, C.C." he softly said, giving her a smile that couldn't disguise his melancholy.

Her eyes lingered on his face a little while longer but then she looked away, making herself more comfortable on the bed.

"Do you have any more pranks to tell me about?" she asked, the same question, day after day.

"As a matter of fact, I do," he chuckled "Although I wouldn't call it a prank, I'd call it "general mischief"."

She nodded pensively, as if trying to decide if that was good enough and for a moment Niles feared that his plan wouldn't work.

"Ok," she suddenly said and a relieved smile washed over his features.

"I will tell you about the first time I've ever got into trouble. I was a 10 year-old lad when it happened."

"Where did you grow up?"

"In England," he explained but she just waved her hand dismissively.

"I know that," she almost snapped, impatiently "you've got that funny accent. I meant where exactly?"

"In Winchester, Hampshire. It happened more than 40 years ago but I still remember it vividly."

"Why, did you get into trouble?" she asked, grinning slyly.

"No, because of the rush of excitement."

"So what did you do?" C.C. asked, her eyes sparkling.

"Well, growing up in England as the son of a butler –so essentially lower class- the Sunday church services were very important to my family."

He observed with great curiosity how she tensed up, crossing her arms in front of her chest in an almost hostile gesture.

"You're a butler?" she asked.

His nervousness returned with such force that he wiped his hands on his pants to get rid of the perspiration. Niles knew that he couldn't risk going wrong this early, yet it was incredibly difficult, considering he didn't know which things would aggravate her. 

_"So you see, Mr. Brightmore, this will require patience and there will be set-backs." _He recalled Bort's warning, which finally served to strengthen his resolve.

"Yes," he confirmed, for there was really no point denying it.

He could tell that C.C. still had her guard up, but encouraged by the fact that she didn't ask him to leave either, he continued.

"On this particular day I was in church with my parents and my brothers, but unlike them I really didn't like it. The mood was too sombre, the threats too scary, but overall I was just bored. My older brother loved it, he hung on the priest's every word... it doesn't seem surprising now, for Thomas became a priest himself. Martin, my younger brother, was far more fidgety and it fell on me to keep him still."

"What did you do?" she asked, though her body language sill didn't suggest a relaxed state.

"Well, I normally kept myself busy... making up stories, reading through "The Song of Solomon" in the bible. But on this particular day, Martin challeneged me to do something else. We were about halfway through the service when he leaned over to me and whispered: "Niles, I have an idea. When the money tin gets passed round, I'll distract mum and dad and you'll grab some coins.""Are you completely mad?" I replied in the same hushed voice. "Why? It' not like they need it. Besides, mum and dad will give money... so it's not really like we're stealing anything. We could buy some sweets from it!" His logic appealed to me, after all, the money donation was voluntary and it wasn't as if anyone could prove how much there'd been in the tin in the first place. But still, under the stern eyes of the prophets and angels carved into wood and stone, I struggled, afraid of God's punishment."

C.C. scoffed at this, obviously not approving of his hesitation.

"But then in the end I did it and I loved the thrill and Martin and I shared our sweets, which we hid in the attic." He briefly stopped and chuckled "I'm pretty sure that we enjoyed them more than ever before, just because the story behind it bound us together."

"So you like your brothers?" she asked and then offered "I like mine too."

"Yes, well... or at least at that age... we were a pretty close family in anyway. We had traditions and duties and there were fights, but at the end of the day, there was love. When I was little still we went to France every summer for our holiday. I remember sitting on the beach with my grandmother, observing my parents. She would mutter in her broken English, for she was French, you see, about their relationship. She didn't approve of them... because to her my father was a failure, no matter how much he worked. My mother had paid for their small wedding and that alone was a huge blunder, in my grandmother's eyes. I think my father minded too, but as long as he could be with my mother, he accepted anything. She was a wild spirit: outgoing, funny and she wore her heart on her sleeve. I remember watching them in the sand, my father lay on his back and my mother was hovering above him, kissing him and tickling him." He paused again to chuckle. "His British rigidness didn't last... he never could resist her."

His voice was hoarse already from talking, so he excused himself and got a glass of water. When he returned he noticed that C.C. had visibily softened, but there was a sadness in her eyes that worried him. He sat down by her side and took a sip of water, patiently waiting for her to indicate whether she wanted him to stay or leave.

"Who did your father work for?"

"Mmh?"

"You said he was a butler. Who did he work for?"

"Oh, the Sheffields," Niles blurted out, just realising that even the simplest facts escaped her.

"We have a butler too and other servants," C.C. continued "they live with us. So your father must've been away a lot."

Niles frowned, trying to remember.

"Well, I suppose so, but we lived in a small house by the Sheffield estate and my father was always there to tuck me in at night."

She crossed her arms in front of her chest again but her eyes, which grew even sadder, told him that she was hurting, rather than angry.

"Tell me about him," she whispered and he took a deep breath.

"Like I said, I didn't see him much during the day, I was too busy helping my mother out and he came home in the eveing. But then, one day, when my mother had to go into town with Martin and Thomas was receiving his lessons at home, my father took me to work with him. The mansion in which the Sheffields lived, was even more intimidating when standing directly in front of it. In my memory I picture it redder than it probably was... the red of the stones, you know? A huge garden was nearby, but I never quite liked it, because it was cut and shaped so perfectly. There was not one twig out of order and somehow that made it less appealing to me, because it seemed so cold. The inside of the house I liked, however, though I didn't see as much, because my father and I entered via the servants' entrance. He introduced me to the maids and the cooks, who all greeted me with warmth and good humour. I helped a lot in the kitchen that day, because I'd learned how to bake and cook with my mother. And then, in the afternoon, my father sent me home again. He was busy, because the lord of the house required his attention... so I told him I'd easily find my way back by myself. But I really didn't... All the corridors in the mansion looked the same: Large, wooden, with beams of sunlight flooding in through the windows. I got lost, basking in the sunshine and admiring the paintings. Then I heard a squeal and a young girl appeared. She must've been about 4 years old, with straight, shoulder long blonde hair, and she was chased by her brother. "Mopsie!" he yelled, but the girl had stopped and was now looking me up and down. "Who are you?" she asked, cocking her head to one side. "I'm Niles," I said, not sure if that satisfied her question. The curly-haired boy smiled at me: "You're the butler's son." I nodded and spread my hands. "I'm sorry, I got lost... your house is so big, but it's really nice." "You think so?" the girl asked, not convinced. "Mmh," I nodded "especially the armours... and there are so many!" "You like them?" the boy interrupted, his grin getting bigger "Do you want to see the weapon room?" "Yes," I replied eagerly, all thoughts of returning home forgotten. "But Max, you promised we'd play." "Later, Jos, just go and find Nanny Mueller and play with her." "She's looking after the baby and she's strict." Jocelyn complained, pouting. "Well, I'm taking Niles to see the swords and guns." And with that, me and the boy called Max were off. We spent the afternoon playing and pretending to be royal knights. I took to Max instantly, I guess he reminded me a bit of my younger brother. So I was glad when he invited me to play with him again. My mother, however, wasn't. She was very upset when I arrived home, as she'd been worried sick and out of desperation she had even fought with my father. But essentially she'd simply been concerned about my well-being. I apologised to her and explained that I'd got lost and then been playing with Max. Later on, when I was in bed, my father came to talk to me. Martin, with whom I shared a room, was already asleep, and dad was very quiet as he sat down on my bed. "Is mum still angry with us?" I asked and somehow it amused him, for he started to laugh. "No, she loves us both too much to stay angry." "Good," I nodded "because I don't like it when she's upset." "Me neither," he smiled, putting an arm around me. There was silence for a while, before I dared to voice: "Max wants me to play with him again and I want to. We had fun!" My father frowned and I feared to have said something wrong, but then he smiled. "You can't neglect your studies though." "I won't, I promise. Maybe I could come and help you in the kitchens again and then play with Max." My father nodded and somehow I couldn't shake the feeling that I had made him proud. "Maybe, but Niles, don't forget that they aren't like us." "They have more money, I know." I drawled, having heard the same speech several times before. "Yes, but not just that. They have different values and not all of them might accept that you and Maxwell, people of 2 different classes, mingle." I nodded, but at that point I didn't really know what he meant. Father kisses my forehead and I fell in an easy sleep."

He stopped then, because his voice was exhausted and because she looked as if she was about to fall asleep.

"Your father seems nice," she commented and he nodded, rising to his feet.

"Sleep well, C.C." he softly said and slipped on his coat.

"Will you come back tomorrow?" she asked, her eyes fluttering shut.

"Of course," he promised and when the door had closed behind him, he whispered "my love."


	11. Chapter 10

**Apologies for the delay but I've been working my butt off lately, so in the evenings I was too tired to write. (a rare occurrence, indeed) So it's taken me a while to finish this chapter, but it's finally here now. ;) I shall try and have the next update ready for you by Friday and I have next week off, which should (hopefully) give me time to finish a certain request I got over a month ago. ;) Please review and let me know what you think.**

**Disclaimer: They don't belong to me...but I love them...  
**

Chapter 10:

After the first dip into his past Niles went and reported back to Dr. Bort, even though, if he was honest, that was the last thing he really wanted to do. Sharing his memories with C.C. was something he was quite willing to do, not simply because it might aid in her recovery, but also because it made him feel closer to her again. Disclosing everything to Dr. Bort, however, well... it felt like betrayal on some level and it meant letting go of the soft, emotional side of their encounters and replacing it with cold, rational analysis. Nonetheless, Niles made his way down to the cafeteria, expecting to share every little detail with the therapist.

"Mr. Brightmore," Bort greeted with a curt nod "judging from the lateness of the hour, I suppose I am right to guess that the meeting went well?"

His eyebrows flew up almost on their own accord upon hearing the word "meeting".

"She isn't a client, Dr. Bort." he said quietly, but it was the insistence in his tone that made her look up.

And in his eyes she found herself confronted once more with the deep affection he had for C.C. Babcock. She was half-tempted to contradict, to argue that, in fact, she was only a client to her, but somehow that particular lie wouldn't make it past her lips.

"Your little chat went well though?"

He chuckled, despite himself, for the first time warming to the therapist, who seemed to care more than she let on.

"I'm not the expert." he said modestly "but Miss Babcock seemed to be alright with me talking about my childhood, if that's what you're asking?"

She nodded in agreement. "So what were you talking about? Did anything out of the ordinary happen?"

"Well, she didn't react too well when I mentioned that I'm a butler," Niles stated and, once again, Dr. Bort nodded.

"Yes, I know. There was an event in her childhood that causes her to link servants with the feeling of utter humiliation."

"Don't you think you could've mentioned this to me before?" Niles sighed, rubbing his temples "I mean, I am a butler, so the topic was bound to come up."

"Trust me, I understand your annoyance, Mr. Brightmore. But look on the bright side, Miss Babcock seems to trust you enough to overlook that particular fact."

He couldn't help but smile at this piece of information and Bort silently noted that the man was almost adorable in his need for acceptance.

"She wanted to hear about my father too, which I find surprising, considering she doesn't have the best relationship with her own father."

"What makes you say that?" the therapist asked, eyeing him closely.

"Well, I've met Mr. Babcock only a couple of times...but whenever he was around C.C. was...well, quite frankly, vulnerable. It is obvious that she cares a lot about his opinion, yet at the same time seems to be angry at him for something...I'm sure you'll now tell me that you know what caused it, am I right?" He finished, but the amusement sparkling in his eyes was proof that the last jab hadn't been a malevolent one.

"As a matter of fact I do, Mr. Brightmore, I am her therapist, after all." Bort smiled.

He paused for a moment, curious to see if she would tell him the reason, but when she made no attempt to speak again, he sighed.

"So you can see why it surprised me that she'd want me to talk about my father."

"Quite," Bort nodded and then added pensively "though it's only natural...given the circumstances."

Niles closed his eyes and lightly massaged his shoulders, though he wasn't sure if the tiredness that had suddenly overcome him was a physical or an emotional one.

"So Miss Babcock was not showing any signs of distress?"

"Sadness, yes. Distress...not that I'm aware of." he offered sincerely.

"So you'll be able to return tomorrow to continue?"

"Yes," he agreed, rising to his feet "C.C. will be happy to see me."

"What makes you say that?"

"She asked me to return," Niles replied and the pride of his tone mingled with the melancholy in his eyes.

"Goodnight," Mr. Brightmore, she said softly, turning away before he could see how strongly she was affected by his unconditional and humble love, that she yet had to find.

* * *

For the first time in quite a while Niles slept well that night. The concern he felt towards C.C. was still there, but it wasn't as overwhelming anymore, as it had been before. Overall, it felt like a step in the right direction and he was certain now that Bort thought the same. That night he dreamed about C.C. and even though he couldn't remember particular events or locations he would've sworn on his life that she was there with him. He had sensed her and upon awaking it was as if she was still around, as if traces of the old C.C. still lingered in the air.

The Sheffields noted with growing interested the bettering of the butler's mood. But it would still be a while before they would come to respect and fully understand the gravity of the situation and the strength that was required of him. For now, however, they contented themselves enjoying the smell of fresh food in the house as well as one joke or the other, that finally escaped the butler's mouth again. It was almost like old times again, or at least for them, because they never had relied on C.C. for a witty exchange. Niles, however, had and that was why his excitement grew considerably when it was time to return to the hospital again. Niles didn't try to hide his butler attire this time, for C.C. was now in the picture and not having to change clothes saved him a lot of time.

She was reading when he entered the room, but he was happy to find that she had chosen one of the books he had brought her on the previous day. Her eyes flickered up briefly to rest on his face and a shadow of a smile caressed her features, before she returned to the world of the book once more. None of this was discouraging to him, on the contrary, it only proved how comfortable she now was with him. He took off his coat and draped it over his chair, stretching his back before sitting down.

"You're looking tired today," she remarked, without looking at him, to which he merely smiled.

"Actually, I've slept very well."

"I didn't question that," her tone was snide "I just said you looked tired."

"I've been cooking for the family today and went grocery shopping." he offered as an explanation.

Now she closed the book and placed it down next to her and then she looked at him quite questioningly. "Isn't that your job?"

He chuckled softly at the question and at her facial expression.

"You're right, it is my job. I guess I'm just getting old."

She nodded, as if agreeing with him completely.

"Did you sleep well tonight, C.C.?"

"I guess I did," she shrugged "but I was in your story. I dreamed about the Sheffield mansion and about a girl with blonde hair...and that boy, Max. They were older though...and I watched them kiss." She grimaced "I didn't like it."

"You've been reading a lot lately and maybe together with my story that culminated in that dream."

She nodded. "You're probably right."

"Would you still like me to stay here?" he probed.

"Yes, it's boring otherwise. Do you always have to get the groceries and cook the meals?" she inquired.

"Yes," he agreed.

"That's strange...our butler didn't do that, we had cooks for that and boys who ran the errands for mommy and daddy."

"Well, when I was a boy it was different too. The Sheffield estate was large and they, too, had maids and cooks and butlers. It wasn't my father's job either to cook...but I've always helped in the kitchen, just because I loved cooking... And now, well, the house is much smaller and the wealth isn't that big, so I clean, I shop, I cook, but I don't mind it most of the time."

"Max...the boy you met...did you ever get to play with him again?"

"Yes, I did. The very next day, as a matter of fact. My lessons were over by 11 a.m. and so father took me back to the mansion with him, as I had requested. Once again I helped in the kitchen, I prepared pastry dough and made cookies and chopped vegetables and such, pretty easy things considering my age."

"I can't do any of that," C.C. remarked quietly.

"You haven't cooked anything at all?"

She looked up at him and opened her mouth and there was a sense of pride in the way she held herself, but then suddenly, she seemed to crumble down again and shook her head.

"No," the sadness was unmistakeable in her tone now, but then it was replaced by the all too familiar haughtiness "we have servants to do that, after all. It's not my job."

"Well, I suppose. But for me it was fun, I really did enjoy myself. And, as I said, after the work was done I went snooping around the house until I found Maxwell again."

"I can't believe they let you play with him," C.C. commented shaking her head "I was told to only talk to people of my status. Domestics simply don't have the intelligence to-"

"C.C.," he interrupted, quietly but firmly "that's not true. I understand where you're coming from, but that's not true. Sure, some of us weren't lucky enough to enjoy the finest education, but we are bright people..."

"Have you stopped lecturing me now?" she snapped, annoyed.

"Yes," he frowned "and I'm sorry. But I know the view of both classes; I've lived long enough in both..."

"So they approved of you? All servants and Maxwell's family?"

"Not everyone, of course." he shook his head with a soft smile "but as you know, my father had warned me."

"What happened then?" she asked, clearly curious again.

"Well, in terms of the upper classes not approving... the very obvious first problem were Maxwell's parents. His mother didn't like the idea at all and my father probably would have got in a lot of trouble, had Mr. Sheffield senior not spoken up for me. Max's mother caught us playing and asked perplexed who I was. So I told her my name and he added further information. She then shook her head and began shrieking at Maxwell until his father arrived. "How old are you, young man?" he asked and I felt myself shrinking under his stern gaze. I gave him my age and he contemplated the information for a while. "What do you do all day long?" he then asked. "Well, I am schooled at home, I help my mother around the house and... for the past two days I've also been helping out in the kitchens" I found myself spilling it all, with no respect to the trouble my dad might get. "What are your skills then?" he probed. "Sk-skills, Sir?" I repeated nervously. "You just told me you were helping in the kitchens," he waved his hands impatiently. "Yes, Sir. Well, I know how to prepare food... I'm reasonably good at cleaning, but I don't really enjoy it." I explained, smiling sheepishly. He gave me a satisfied smile and turned to face his wife again. "I think he will be a good influence for Maxwell." He said firmly and with that the decision was made. Even back then I found it weird that his wife didn't argue, she had seemed so angry and upset before to see me playing with her son. Maybe I found it weird because my own mother never backed down when she had a particular opinion. As a matter of fact, she'd stick to it until my father had found valid reasons that were strong enough to convince her otherwise. But be that as it may, thanks to his firmness I could stay and play with Maxwell, though I also always felt uncomfortable when Mrs. Sheffield was in the room or just watching us."

"So the other servants were just fine with that?" C.C. challenged and he sighed.

He wished he could convince her that her view of the meaningless domestics was wrong, but the harder he pressed his point, the more stubborn she would become.

"No, you're right, of course. Not all of them welcomed me with open arms. Several mocked the preferential treatment I'd been receiving. But I was save as long as my father was around. But I remember a specific moment that disappointed me more than anything else. Over the years, money in our house was becoming scarce, so my mother graciously decided to work as well. Mr. Sheffield senior, happy with the work my father had done, hired my mother instantly."

"But wait," C.C. interrupted "weren't you saying yesterday that your mother was reasonably wealthy?"

"Yes," Niles nodded with a smile "she herself had come from an upper class upbringing but had declined her inheritance."

"Why would she do something like that?" she shook her head in displeasure "And now she's poor and..."

"She loved my father," Niles said softly "and she feared that the money would only cause a rift between them."

"So she worked?" C.C. asked.

"Yes, she became a maid at the Sheffield estate. My father felt guilty, as if it was his fault that she couldn't stay at home anymore. But she merely let out her carefree laugh and told him that she'd been getting bored in anyway."

He stopped and wiped a single tear from the corner of his eye.

"She's dead, isn't she?" C.C. whispered.

"Yes, quite a number of years now. But that's not what I wanted to talk about. My biggest disappointment was when I overheard the other maids talking, chuckling about my mother behind her back, as if her misfortune was enough to make them happy. Schadenfreue, the Germans call it. Mother took no notice, she heard the gossip but she was proud and held her head high and kept on working but I couldn't understand how they could laugh at the "fall of the upper classes" as they called it, unable to see how courageous and sincere my mother was. So you see, C.C., small minded people can be found anywhere, no matter which class they belong to."

"I feel like I'm in school," she muttered, but he could tell that she wasn't really angry with him.

"Point taken," he chuckled and rose to his feet "the lesson is over for today. Shall we resume tomorrow?"

The silence after that question always seemed to stretch on forever, maybe because it was more important to him than to her.

"Of course," she replied, nodding with a smile.

"Get some sleep," he softly said and with a final look at her, he left the room.


	12. Chapter 11

**Hello, Hello! Today's update is only a small one I'm afraid...but I just wanted to tell you that I'm off on vacation for a week...I will continue to write, of course, but I can't promise that I'll have the chance to update. ;) Meanwhile, I have a question. I sort of started a new story the other day (coz that's what happens when inspiration strikes) and I've nearly finished the 1st chapter. So I was wondering, should I publish it immediately? Or should I wait till this one is finished? I already asked negs, but I need a general vote!:p Anyway, I finished my 1st dissertation draft today *MAJOR YAY* so um...I'll have more time now and I promise I'll work on the Canasta Masta oneshot that was requested a while ago!;)**

**Disclaimer: None of them are mine, but they do make my life better!;)  
**

Chapter 11:

Niles reported to Dr. Bort again that night and he found that it quite irked him how the woman clearly knew more than he did, but never attempted to share things with him. He was thinking about it a lot while he was lying in bed, trying to go to sleep. Finally he reached the conclusion that it annoyed him so, because the therapist allowed him to completely walk in the dark, possibly causing C.C. distress or provoking fights between them, simply due to ignorance. And even as his eyes fluttered shut he vowed to confront her about it the very next day.

C.C. was lying in bed, her eyes closed as he entered the room. A soft smile sneaked over his features at seeing her so peaceful and relaxed.

"I'm not asleep," she said, without moving and he chuckled.

"Alright then, are you dreaming?" he asked, settling down in his chair.

"Mmh... I tried, I got a bit tired of reading today." she commented.

"What are you dreaming about?" he asked softly "Anything nice?"

Her blue eyes opened and found his in an instant.

"No, nothing in particular," and she smiled at him.

"I like dreaming," he voiced quietly "you can just forget yourself for a while and float around in nothingness."

She nodded in agreement.

"Though sometimes I get a bit scared of it," she added after a while "have you ever felt as if you could lose yourself within the dream? That you don't know anymore what's real and what's fantasy...that you don't know yourself anymore?"

He grew worried at her words then but also slightly hopeful, because maybe this was a subconscious part of her old self, battling to rise to the surface again.

"No, that's never happened to me actually," he declined with a shake of his head "because I always felt in control...so I knew that I'd emerge again in the end."

She silently accepted his words and eventually said: "I have been thinking about your little lecture a lot. The whole servants and upper-class stuff, it annoys you, doesn't it?"

"What makes you say that?" he inquired calmly.

"Well, I've never seen you fly off the handle before. Seemed like I'd really touched a nerve yesterday."

"You're probably right," he admitted freely and noticed how surprised she was at this "but you have to understand that I've spent my entire life surrounded by class differences and I've heard the wrong stereotypes and all the trouble they can cause."

She bit her lip and he found it hard to analyse what she was thinking.

"You said that not all of you had a good education...but you did, didn't you? You had private tutoring? I would've given anything to have that instead of having to go to school."

"Ah C.C.," he sighed "private tutoring makes it sound so luxurious, but it really wasn't. A teacher came from the school and taught all three of us...and..."

"Were you a good student then?" she interrupted him, obviously very keen to discuss the topic.

"I was fairly bright, I suppose. And I enjoyed my studies, but then again...before I met Maxwell, it was the most exciting thing to happen all day. But yes... I secretly loved it, much more than my brother Martin. As a matter of fact when I was an older lad, about 14 or 15, I got it into my head to become a barrister and study law at Oxford University."

"I've heard about that...it's like Harvard, isn't it?" she asked and he nodded.

"Yes, so you can probably imagine the dilemma my parents were facing when I told them about my plans. It was an education that was far too expensive for us to be able to afford. But I knew of all that and so I developed a little plan. One day, prepared as I thought of myself to be, I approached my parents and confided my dream. I told them that I knew how expensive it would be, but that I had considered all of that and would; of course, get a job to pay for it all. My parents nodded and told me that they were proud of me, that it made them happy to have a son who considered the future as much as that. But the truth was... even if I'd got a job, I wouldn't have been able to pay for it all. But my parents, bless them, didn't want to disappoint me. My mother later on confessed that she'd seen the eagerness in my eyes, the determination to make it far, and she simply hadn't had the heart to crush my spirit. So unbeknownst to me my parents sat up the entire night, planning and thinking about how they could let me down gently or what other options they could possibly offer. But there was nothing... father didn't know enough about the law programmes and those that mother and he read about were the prestigious, expensive ones. So the next day, while I had my lesson at home, father went and sought out Maxwell's father. He explained to him the entire situation and how they would never be able to afford it and asked, if there was any way at all, that they might help him finance my education."

"He didn't agree, did he? I mean, that's quite a favour to ask." C.C. interjected and Niles smiled sadly.

"You're right and wrong. Surprisingly Mr. Sheffield Senior agreed to finance my education and promised my father that I would have a place at Oxford University for law. They told me the following day, but I never understood why my mother looked so sad the entire time. After all, what was there to regret? I would get the education of my dreams, granted, I'd have to wait a few years until Maxwell was ready to begin studying at Oxford, so that I could keep an eye on him. But that was something I'd quite happily accepted. To me the good clearly outweighed the bad."

"Then why was your mum upset? Did she not want you to leave?" C.C. asked.

"You know, for a while that was exactly what I thought, so I kept reassuring her that I'd return to see her and help her around the house and that I would keep in touch with my brothers as well. But none of the promises I made would cheer her up... It wasn't until much later that I found out that the deal my father had made, had a major hitch. I could go to Oxford to study law and he would pay for it, but in return I would promise to become a butler as well and be employed by Maxwell. In other words, I was promised to him, my future was promised, without my consent."

His words had become bitter again and C.C. hesitantly stretched out a hand to pat his knee.

"I'm sorry, Niles, that's a horrible decision...and you didn't even know."

"Yes," he sighed deeply "my mother felt that in the long run it wasn't worth it. Sure, I might have a fancy degree, but I'd never be able to practice law, because of my duties that bound me to Maxwell."

"So that's how you became a butler, isn't it?" she probed.

"Well yes, that's how it all began, really." he replied and tried to smile "I'm sorry that today's story isn't quite as cheerful as it usually is."

She chuckled at that. "It's fine, I like your company. It's better than being alone in anyway."

"I take that as a compliment," he laughed and rose to his feet.

"Are you going to talk to Dr. Bort about this again?" C.C. suddenly asked and he raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, how did you know?"

"She mentioned it in passing...it's weird." she shrugged.

"Listen, C.C., I love being here with you, I don't want you to think that I am doing it because Bort told me to." he said sincerely.

"I wasn't," she denied but her smile that suddenly became bigger and more open gave her away.

"I don't tell her everything either, because she doesn't have to know," he continued and put on his coat.

"I get it," she said and winked at him.

"So I'll be back tomorrow?" he suggested.

"Yes, with a happier story."

"I promise," he told her gently "and C.C., I meant what I said...I...I care a great deal about you."

A light blush crept over her cheeks and she shook her head. "Enough with the mushy stuff, now get out."

He chuckled heartily and left her room, his heart racing. This was as close as he had come to confessing his love to her and it felt right. Now he only hoped that he would be given the chance to tell her again once she was herself.


	13. Chapter 12

**Hello, Hello!:) Sorry, I meant to update this yesterday, but then I went to London and saw Phantom and well...lets just say, it's difficult switching from Phantom to N/CC. ;) Anyway, new update for your consideration. I should also mention that this contains a hint of M...but not what you think. lol I'll try to have the next update ready by Saturday. :)**

**Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine...sadly.  
**

Chapter 12:

"Dr. Bort," he said firmly and without any greetings when he approached the therapist "I am aware that I might not have your psychological insight. But if this is supposed to go further and you really want me to help C.C., then you will have to explain some things to me."

She leaned back in her chair and scrutinised him with an icy cold look, but he found the smile that was tugging at the corner of her mouth even more disconcerting.

"I'm not sure if you are threatening me or complimenting me, Mr. Brightmore." she stated.

He clenched and unclenched his left hand in an impatient gesture. "You allow me to wander in the dark, Dr. Bort, and possibly risk some great mistake on my part that might upset C.C. Why is that?"

"Quite frankly," she began, resting both arms on the table between them and eyeing him over the top of her glasses "because I believe that the key to Miss Babcock's sanity has to do with the both of you."

"I'm the key?" he repeated, hesitantly taking a seat.

"Let me rephrase," she scoffed, shaking her head lightly "you are someone who caused Miss Babcock quite a deal of distress over the years, but yet she seems willing to listen to you and, according to her physiological data, calms down when you are around. Therefore, you might be partly the reason why she broke down, but you are also the solution, because only with your help I can make Miss Babcock progress back to her old self."

He stared at her wide-eyed, feeling as if he'd been slapped in the face.

"I'm not sure if you are insulting me or complimenting me, Dr. Bort." he reiterated her previous words and she chuckled at this.

"Mr. Brightmore, we both know that you are not innocent in this, but as the days move by, I am quite incapable of denying any longer the impact you have on my patient. However, I'm just as uncertain as you are about which memories might be triggered along the way. So let me ensure you that you are not the only one in the dark. Of course there are a few things that Miss Babcock told me, but they are part of the therapist/ patient confidentiality deal...besides, if you knew everything, you'd be more likely to press certain issues. But this way, Miss Babcock will confide in you when she's ready."

"There's one more thing," Niles said, frowning in concentration "C.C. has mentioned dreams she's been having... and that she's afraid of getting lost in them...Do you think she subconsciously knows that she, herself, is lost in a way? Caught somewhere between remembering and forgetting?"

"That's a fairly accurate analysis, Mr. Brightmore." Bort smiled sincerely at him "And probably the same conclusion I would have drawn. But I think this is positive, Miss Babcock is displaying some sort of awareness, so we are, it seems, moving in the right direction."

"Thank you," he nodded and his eyes showed relief.

Niles then rose to his feet and buttoned up his coat and, in a rather uncharacteristic gesture, he held out his hand for her. He smiled almost at the doctor's hesitation to take it, and then squeezed her hand lightly.

"I will see you tomorrow," he said and left.

* * *

The next day when he arrived back at the hospital, C.C. looked unusually subdued. Her greeting smile had been weak and he sat down in his chair, worried, wondering whether to page Bort or not.

"Have you ever been in love, Niles?" she finally asked and he frowned.

"Yes, I have. Why are you asking? Are you in love with someone?"

"No," she shrugged "love is gross...like that producer and his wife kissing..."

At this Niles' eyes widened and he suppressed the urge to gasp. "How do you know them?"

"Oh, I don't...I just dreamed about them. But it was yucky and I didn't like it."

"You didn't like it, you say... why not? Did it cause you heartache?"

She laughed at this but it was hollow. "Daddy said I don't have a heart..."

"Oh C.C., that's not true. I know you do." Niles firmly contradicted and moved closer to take her hand in his hands.

She looked up startled at the unfamiliar touch but then she relaxed and wove her fingers through his, as if testing how it felt.

"Who was the first person you ever loved, Niles? Apart from your parents...Like a girl, I mean."

"Oh," he chuckled softly "it wasn't a girl, it was a woman; someone who was much older than me."

She pulled a face at that piece of information but still urged him to continue.

"Remember how I was playing with Maxwell when I was younger? Well, his parents had hired a new Nanny when his brother Nigel was born, a woman called Clara Mueller."

"And you fell in love with her? Really?" C.C. questioned, grimacing again.

"Yes...well, it's difficult to explain. When I was 17 I had really big issues with my weight. Even though I was on my feet a lot, my father's chubby genes had somehow kicked in and the skin of my stomach was becoming more and more saggy. I didn't like it, especially since I noticed how all the girls would snigger behind my back and it almost made me depressed. Clara found me one day after I'd been running through the Sheffields' garden. At first it had started off as a game of hide and seek with Nigel, but soon my frustration had returned and I had broken into a jog, running until I was out of breath. I saw her then, observing me with her steely eyes, but there was a smile on her lips that I had never seen before. I stopped in front of her, my chest rising and falling and my damp shirt clinging to my chest. "What are you running away from, mein Liebchen?" she asked, in her thick German accent. "Nothing," I replied "I just needed the exercise." "Don't lie to me, Niles. It's not a very nice feat in a young man, nor is cowardice." "I'm not a coward," I contradicted, crossing my arms in front of my chest. "Then why don't you stand up to those who make fun of you?" I thought about this for a while, before answering: "Because they're right. I am a fat pig." "Language, boy!" she warned, but then her features softened into a smile "And you're not. You'll lose the pounds again. Running is, of course, the correct way, but don't run away, run for yourself." And with that she left me standing, utterly confused."

"Did you love her then?" C.C. asked, almost as uncertain as Niles had felt back then.

"Oh no...not yet. That was the first time she had really spoken to me. She was in her early thirties then with dark-blonde hair that was tied up in a firm bun. I'd been intimated by her for too long to fall in love with her straight away."

"Then when did it happen?" she pressed nosily.

"Patience, C.C., love takes its time and might develop between the most unlikely people." he stopped then, peering down at their fingers that were still intertwined.

"Well, you have to leave again soon and I wanna hear the rest of the story, I don't wanna wait till tomorrow." she complained, pouting and Niles could have sworn that if she hadn't been lying down, she would've stamped her foot.

"Alright...alright," he lifted his hands in defeat "I'll fast forward a bit. From that day onward I went jogging every evening and eventually I realised that Clara came to watch me. At first I thought nothing of it until I noticed her eyes that were examining my body. I can still feel the fire that was burning in my cheeks then, because no-one had ever looked at me like this. "How about some pudding, Liebling?" she finally asked one day and my jaw dropped. "But...it's late and I've just been running..." I stammered. "Is that a yes or a no, boy?" she asked firmly "A young man has to answer a lady." "Yes, Nanny Mueller, I'd like some pudding, please." She nodded and turned around, heading for the kitchens, her walk was so brisk that I had difficulty keeping up with her. "And when we're alone, I want you to call me Clara, do you understand?" There was no trace of doubt in her words and so I merely nodded. We ate in the kitchens and she told me a bit about her life and her journey to England and I found myself telling her things about my life, that I had never shared with anyone else before, not even Maxwell. We laughed and we joked and I realised for the first time how beautiful she looked when her eyes lit up and her mouth wasn't pressed in a firm line. "Come with me," she then said and I followed her willingly into her quarters. She told me to go into the bathroom and undress. "Why?" I questioned, terribly embarrassed at the idea. "You've been working up a sweat and you need a bath," she simply said while the water was rushing into the tub in the background. I slowly complied and slipped out of my clothes and then hastily climbed into the bath to conceal my naked body from her. "How old are you?" she suddenly asked, kneeling down beside the tub. "17," I answered, avoiding her eyes. "So almost a man..."she muttered, as if to herself "I wonder, have you ever touched a woman, Niles?" My eyes grew wide and the heat rushed to my face. "N-no," I stuttered and she glared at me. "What have I told you about that?" "No, Clara." I quietly amended. "Don't you think it's about time?" she asked and I hesitantly nodded. She lifted her hand and pulled out the pin, causing her beautiful hair to tumble down. I can still clearly envision it, for it captured my attention like nothing before. She looked softer somehow and I reached out my hand to touch it, following the strands with my fingertips. She, in the meantime, was unbuttoning her blouse, steadily holding my gaze, until she sat before me in only a white cotton bra. Her skin was silky and pale and I moved my fingers to her shoulders, exploring the line of her collarbones. I then moved to her mounds that were hidden from me by fabric and carefully cupped them with my hands. Clara gave me an encouraging nod and so I moved my thumbs, lightly brushing them over her breasts until her nipples stiffened. She moaned then, a quiet whimper that escaped her throat and that sound alone was strong enough to set my entire body on fire. I wanted her then, for the very first time, I revelled in that power that I seemed to have over her, to make her feel like that again. Needless to say we made love that night. She allowed me to discover her body for myself, to find the curves and hidden spots that would make her moan in pleasure again. And those I didn't find the first time, well, she showed me the countless other moments we spent stealing away from the rest of the world."

C.C.'s head was now bright red and she was hiding her face from him. Niles swallowed, afraid that he maybe had got too lost in the story to notice how it affected her.

"I've definitely never felt like this," she stated shakily but he could see that she had erupted in goose bumps.

He pensively gnawed on his bottom lip. C.C., it seemed, was mentally still trapped in her childhood, but physically as an adult who had experienced sexual relations before, she seemed to respond to his descriptions. It was possible too that she had felt other effects that one felt when aroused, but he certainly wouldn't press the point.

"That was passion, C.C., an incredibly powerful emotion that becomes even more amazing when sharing it with someone else. But the love I mentioned before, that slowly developed over time. I became protective over Clara and trusted her more than anyone else. She had a piece of me, so to say, and so without her I wasn't whole."

"She was the first woman you loved, you said..." C.C. began, still speaking to her knees "What about the other ones? Did you love them as much as you loved her?"

He frowned and tried to remember, tried to grasp those feelings again.

"No, I suppose they varied in intensity. Clara was so strong because it was the first time it had happened...but the others...well, my feelings for them pale in comparison to-"

He abruptly cut off, but C.C. was looking him straight in the eyes now.

"Your feelings for?" she probed.

"This woman I love now..." he quietly answered.

"Is she the same woman you loved two years ago?"

"Yes," he chuckled "she's the same woman I've loved for over 20 years."

"You're mad," C.C. scolded but there was a hint of disappointment in her eyes "what makes her so perfect?"

"You want me to tell you about...her?" he croaked.

"Yes," she confirmed.

"Well, first of all...she is the biggest pain in the ass," he chuckled again "but I love her fire, her quick wit and her determination never to back down. She challenges me and excites me and I doubt that this will ever change. She is fiercely protective of the people she loves but will always hide it behind a mask of indifference. She's terribly insecure, though you'd never believe it when you see her, but it only makes me love her more tenderly."

"Wow, she must be quite the looker..." C.C. commented and there were tears in her eyes but she rapidly blinked them away.

"She is, I wish you could see her through my eyes. Her beautiful blonde hair, her light-blue eyes that can immobilize you with one glare or melt your heart with their depth... her sultry laugh..."

He had been addressing her directly, a desperation growing in his voice, born from the desire to make her understand that he was talking about her, that he needed her to return to him.

"I'm a little tired now," was all she said, however, as she turned to lie on her side, her back to him.

"Alright," he sighed and rose to his feet, heading for the door.

"Niles?" her voice was just a whisper "Maybe you should tell her how you feel."

He swallowed and kept walking, hoping that she wouldn't see the tears that were running down his cheeks.


	14. Chapter 13

**Hello, Hello!:) Time to update!;) Thanks to those who are still reading this and actually taking the time to give me some feedback. Big thanks to negs,my butler in crime, who always puts up with me on a daily basis!^^ Anyway, I know my update is late again...but I'm well...sorta still on holiday and my mum is here .etc. I hope you like this and pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase review!:)**

**Disclaimer: None of them are mine...yadayadayada...  
**

Chapter 13:

Niles couldn't quite believe how much everything changed after that conversation. The next day when he approached C.C., she was in the same quiet mood and barely responded to his presence. Immensely worried by this Niles practically flew down the stairs to find Dr. Bort in the cafeteria.

"You have to come with me now," he voiced breathlessly.

"Why did you miss our appointment last night?" she asked in return.

"Because I got emotional, alright? Because the whole tragedy of the situation broke a piece of me and the last thing I needed was to rationally examine this with you."

"Mr. Brightmore, I wasn't criticising you," Bort gently told him and rose to her feet to place a hand on his shoulder "I was merely concerned. Besides, I know how challenging this work can be, especially if one is as emotionally involved as you are, that's why these appointments are so important. Otherwise we'll have cured Miss Babcock, but damaged you."

He silently accepted her words and rested his hand on top of hers, slowly calming down.

"That's why you appear so indifferent, isn't it?" he then asked, fixing her with great concentration "Because you're trying not to let this affect you. But you're no robot, Dr. Bort, I can clearly see how greatly you care about C.C."

For a moment her eyes visibly softened, allowing him to see the turmoil of emotions she usually hid, but then she cleared her throat and straightened her back.

"We have a patient to visit, don't we?" she then asked and, letting go of him, marched out of the cafeteria and towards the elevators.

Niles shook his head with a grin and followed her, having taken a strong liking to her now that he understood her.

"You know, Dr. Bort, I think you're absolutely the right therapist for C.C.", he remarked as they were riding up to the top floor of the building.

Bort didn't reply but her arched eyebrow expressed her curiosity.

"You're both very similar on some level and I'm sure that partly explains why C.C. chose you and why you have opened her up so much already."

She smiled hesitantly yet proudly and replied: "That from the man I asked to help when my methods wouldn't work anymore."

He chuckled softly. "That's normal though, isn't it? I mean, I'm not a therapist...but you, yourself, said that the process can be a long one that requires a lot of patience."

"You're right," she nodded and sighed "but that doesn't make it any easier to acknowledge that maybe one has reached the limit of help one can give."

"Oh come on," he nudged her playfully "don't lose your spirit! Where's that woman gone who wouldn't trust me enough to let me see C.C.? You're not trying to tell me now, are you, that you suddenly have so much faith in me that you can think I can help C.C. by myself?"

"Of course not, don't be ridiculous," she snapped and then gave him an apologetic look.

"Exactly, we're a team and as long as we believe that we can help C.C., then we will."

He stepped out of the elevator and didn't even notice anymore that her eyes were still resting on him with great admiration. She had heard enough about Niles from Miss Babcock's sessions to know that he could be stubborn but she discovered every day anew how much his love for her fuelled his determination to bring her back. Niles was sitting on the chair by C.C.'s bed that he usually occupied and Bort remained by the door for a little while just observing the scene. C.C. was sitting on her bed, a book resting against her drawn-up knees but every now and again she risked a glance at Niles. Now this wouldn't have been unusual, had it not been done with great shyness, a feat that C.C. had never before displayed when around Niles. As a matter of fact, over the past couple of days they had become so comfortable around each other, that C.C. quite often took her time before fully acknowledging Niles' presence in the room. He'd been right, something had definitely changed.

"Hello, C.C., how are you doing today?" she finally asked, stepping into the room.

But in spite of the usual polite answer, Bort now instantly sensed a hostility that seemed to be rippling off her patient.

"What are you doing here?" she snapped "Our appointment isn't until later."

"I just thought I'd drop by earlier to see if everything was ok."

"Why?" she questioned "You've never done that before. This is when Niles visits me and then I have a nap and then you come. You're not sticking to the schedule."

Bort nodded and spread her hands in a non-committal way. This was curious, very curious indeed. For if she hadn't known better, she would've thought that C.C. was annoyed because she had wanted to be alone with Niles. But that couldn't be right, not when he had reported before, that she had been irresponsive to his approaches.

"Now C.C., Dr. Bort is only doing her job. I'm sure there will be plenty of time for us to talk later."

She looked at him briefly and hesitantly, before avoiding his eyes again.

"Have you two been talking about me again?" she asked, fixing Bort with an accusing glare.

"Well, Niles was a little concerned about you, my dear, and came to find me. So no, we haven't been talking about you per se, he's just been at a loss of what to do."

While the therapist explained all this, C.C. carefully reached out with her hand to touch Niles'. It was a gesture that he hadn't expected, although they had established physical contact before. Yet somehow it had always been him who had initiated it and never her and these reasons were enough to explain his surprise. He softly smiled to himself about a gesture that was so childishly fragile and bridged the gap between them. He took her hand in his right and fatherly patted it with his left, hoping to give her some comfort. But instead she looked up at him with an almost accusing and impatient look and pulled her hand away again abruptly. Now utterly confused Niles stared at the space where he had just felt her skin against his and then tried to focus on Dr. Bort's words once more. C.C. didn't try to reach out to him again that day but Niles couldn't shake the feeling that he had disappointed her in a way, though he couldn't find fault with his actions. On the other hand, by the time him and Bort left the hospital, he felt no urge either to disclose what had transpired. To him it felt as if he needed to figure it out himself what she wanted and more than that, he felt that he would only displease her more if he confided her actions in the therapist. Another uneasy sleep followed for the worries-plagued butler and it would be a couple of days before he'd finally find the answer he was seeking.

* * *

Over the next period of time Niles and Bort both silently observed the growing dislike C.C. was developing to the therapist, while her unusually shy behaviour around Niles continued. Despite this, however, the sessions ensued with both of them present in the room with the patient. One day, Dr. Bort was addressing the topic of Niles' profession again, as if she desperately hoped that this was the key to C.C.'s odd behaviour. Niles had just launched into a long explanation of the butler training he had received, when C.C. commented:

"I like a man who understands his duties well enough to satisfy others with his services."

Bort's mouth opened in shock while Niles broke into an immediate grin, which only grew wider when C.C. began to laugh in a way that almost resembled the old one he longed for so much.

"Witch," he muttered under his breath while shaking his head as Dr. Bort looked on.

And then, suddenly, C.C. reached out to him again. But this time the action was carried out with greater confidence and he leaned forward, welcoming her touch, careful not to make a move until he knew what she wanted. Her slender fingers brushed over his wrist and then caressed his forearm in an almost intimate way. And that's when it occurred to him. C.C. had silently progressed from the child stage to a more mature one and, of course, she hadn't told them because she hadn't been conscious of this transition. He closed his eyes briefly, not only to block out her lingering caresses but also to think about his next move. C.C., it seemed, had taken a liking to him and was almost reacting jealously to Dr. Bort... But the idea already felt preposterous, because he was so much older than her generally and even older considering her possible mental age at the moment.

"C.C.," he began, moving his eyes from her hand to Dr. Bort "can I ask you something?"

"Yeah," she shrugged.

"Are you looking for a husband?"

He faintly registered Bort's incredulous gasp but then his attention was drawn towards C.C.'s laugh, causing another involuntary smile to sneak over his face.

"A husband? You almost sound as bad as mommy. I don't have time for a husband, I've just moved into the University dorms."

He could feel Bort's eyes on him again, this time giving him an approving look.

"So your mum doesn't like that you're studying?"

"No," C.C. laughed again "she definitely doesn't. But I mean... I've been with her for such a long time and it's not like she cares. She goes to her stupid lunches and sorority meetings, but doesn't understand that I don't want that."

"Have you tried it?" Bort chimed in.

"Of course, what do you think? It's only cause I'm 18 now that I can stand up to mommy and tell her that I'm not interested in becoming a lady anymore. I've seen what her life consists of...liquor and loneliness and that's not gonna happen to me."

He gave her a soft smile and intertwined their fingers as she had done several days before.

"So what are you studying at University?"

"Well, I've only just moved in but I'm going to do business and finance, I'm good at it...numbers are easy and it's what daddy's doing. Maybe one day I can take over his business..."

And in the silence that followed Niles could clearly hear her unspoken words: "...and make him proud."


	15. Chapter 14

**Hello, Hello!:) With my mother gone and not as much work as before my little vacation, I can finally update more regularly again. Thank you so much guys for the lovely reviews to my last chapter..I was incredibly surprised,to say the least, coz I was really struggling to write it and wasn't happy with it in the end. But anyway, this story is nowhere near over, as it has already been planned to chapter 21 (and then some more ;)) Thanks for sticking with it and I know some of you will be disappointed with the events for this chapter, but it has always been planned to work that way. Anyway, I'll shut up now and let you read it. Please leave me a review!;)**

**Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine and the descriptions of Bryn Mawr Uni are taken from the beautiful pictures on their website!:)  
**

Chapter 14:

"So, what do you think?" he asked as they were heading out of the hospital together.

"I think you'd make a rather good therapist." she joked but the resignation in her tone was unmistakeable.

"It was a lucky guess, Dr." he muttered evasively "you didn't see her reaching for my hand."

"Nonetheless, it is clear that you should continue my sessions, as she's more prepared to disclose information to you."

He stopped walking and took the time to look at her.

"Wait for me tomorrow with some coffee. Around the usual time," and he winked at her and before she could react he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight "Don't be sad."

Hesitantly she allowed herself to lean against him, inhaling the heavy scent of his cologne that she hadn't perceived before. Eventually he pulled away and gave her an encouraging smile:

"Goodnight, Dr. Bort."

"Th-thank you," she stammered flustered over the loud thundering of her heart.

* * *

He was almost giddy with excitement when he arrived at the hospital the following day. The fact that C.C. was making progress had sent a surge of hope through his body. So today he was clean shaven, with freshly washed hair, sporting a pair of Mr. Sheffield's most expensive pants and a simple white shirt, with the top three buttons undone.

"Niles, come here a moment," C.C. said without any greeting.

He nodded and sat down on the edge of her bed.

"No, do it properly. Otherwise you can't see," she corrected impatiently and shifted away a bit, giving him more space.

Kicking off his shoes he slid into bed with her, so that their shoulders were touching.

"What am I looking at?" he asked, his eyes focused on the Dali painting that decorated the clinical, white wall.

"Nothing," she commented.

"Pardon me?" he probed, confused.

"Nothing," she repeated more slowly, as if addressing a child "and I'm sick of it. Day in, day out, in bed staring at that stupid wall..."

"Oh!" he exclaimed and she shook her head because it had taken him so long "I'll talk to Dr. Bort about it."

C.C. pursed her lips and moved, causing a distance between their bodies.

"Fine," she grumbled.

"C.C., I have to. She oversees your...uh...stay at this...place. I'm just a visitor," and he winked.

She blushed, a light rosiness that blossomed in her cheeks and caused him to smile. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, settling down in his chair again and missed her disappointed glance.

"So C.C., you told me yesterday that you moved into your dorms a little while ago. What was that like? Do you get along with your roommates?"

_Flashback:_

_C.C. watched the large string of limousines pull up in front of her still empty apartment. She moved out of the shadow of the gateway which she'd been standing in and headed down the stony path to meet the butler. _

_"You're late, Bentley," she remarked curtly and he instantly lowered his gaze. _

_"I apologise profoundly, Miss, but traffic was very heavy this morning." _

_She stopped his ramblings with a slight shake of her head. "Just get started, I have my first class this afternoon." _

_The butler nodded and indicated a bow and then left her side to pass on her instructions. Soon the men she had hired marched past her and into the empty dorm she would occupy by herself. It was usually very hard to get a single dorm accommodation, especially given the fight with her mother that had caused her to enrol late, but the Babcock name, of course, carried enough weight. Money might not buy her friends who truly cared about her, but it certainly got her all the material luxuries she desired. _

_"Just put it anywhere, I'll look through the boxes later and let you know where I want everything." _

_"Very well, Miss," Bentley agreed and she almost felt satisfied, had she not caught one of the workers, a young man, rolling his eyes. _

_"Is there a problem? Something you'd like to say?" C.C. challenged, drawing herself up to her full height. _

_"Yes, actually," he replied, stepping towards her "How come an 18 year-old brat gets to order us around like that? You're lucky enough to go to University, not all of us can afford it. But this?" he gestured around the room "This is just decadent." _

_His argument stung and she felt herself wavering, transformed back once more to the small child she'd been. But then her stubbornness crept through again, as well as her determination not to be humiliated by a boy. _

_"I'd fire you," she said coolly "but I'm afraid you need the money." _

_For a moment she thought that he was going to slap her, but then he merely huffed in anger and stormed past her. An uncomfortable silence ensued in which C.C. directed her glance to each and every one of the workers, as if asking if anyone else had something to say that would undermine her authority. _

_

* * *

_

_Later on at night C.C. was sitting on her bed, her right shoulder and the soles of her feet pressed against the stony wall which was nice and cool. She let her gaze wander across the dark campus of Bryn Mawr University with its neatly mowed lawns and arcades of trees. There was a peacefulness to the scene, that couldn't be found during the daytime when hundreds of students were occupying benches or jogging along paths, in a hurry to be on time for their next lecture. C.C. had been certain that leaving her mother behind would make her feel less unimportant and surely loneliness could be dealt with as long as it could be explained. But even now with the silence of her room weighing down on her and all the reasons in the world to rationalise why she felt so alone, it didn't help. Nothing did. Her first lecture as a University student had been as bad as her first day of school. People had whispered and pointed, some had even openly snickered in her face while others had chosen to ignore her entirely. She had spent most of the time toying with her pencil, flipping it skilfully between her fingers, while contemplating what she could've done to cause so many people to dislike her. But then she perceived their whispers as words like: spoilt, rich, useless reached her ears. Some kid she passed in the corridor even had the nerve to turn to his friend and whisper loudly: _

_"Some sorta joke...Arrived with her butler..." _

_It hurt and angered her at the same time, that all these people were willing to convict and judge her, before she had even exchanged a single word with them. _

_"Trying to understand them won't help you," she had told herself while squaring her shoulders and walking outside into the crisp September air. _

_And instead she had chalked it down to jealousy. Of course they all wanted what she had, they envied her, and envy was enough to turn the nicest man ugly. If only they knew that she had nothing either..._

_She shook her head then to clear her mind of unwanted thoughts and blinked away the tears that had been stinging in her eyes. Her course would last four years and she was strong enough to make it through that time without any friends. What were four years, after all, compared to the entity of her life? All she had to do was pull herself together, ignore the pain and focus on her studies and then, in a little while, she would be free. She would graduate with an excellent degree and move to New York where soon every firm would kill to have her. And then...in time...her father would realise what a treasure she was and would offer her a position at his firm and later on she would run the business. She didn't give in to the illusion that one day she would be married with children. That would never be in the cards for her... _

_Maybe it was the cool of the wall that got to her or maybe it were the chilling thoughts that ran through her head, whatever the cause C.C. shivered and lowered herself onto her bed once more, disappearing in the warmth of her sheets. The pillow smelled of an unfamiliar fabric softener and didn't bring the usual comfort, but she still buried her face in it, curling one arm around it and leaving the other outstretched, as if reaching for something in the distance._

_

* * *

_

_Her alarm clock awoke her early the next morning and she blinked as her eyes adjusted to the light. It was a grey day outside and she stretched and fought the temptation to turn around and go back to sleep once more. Instead she hopped out of bed and walked into her little sitting room, the silk fabric of her pyjamas caressing her legs with every step. She added fresh coffee to the machine and grabbed a mug out of pure habit. And with the sound of the coffee maker still ringing in her ears she headed into the bathroom and took a shower. Afterwards she slipped into a bathrobe and drank her coffee and nibbled on some toast while sitting on her couch and watching the world outside coming to life. As a Freshman her week was filled with classes and she wasn't doubting how stressed she would become in a matter of days. There were classes, homework, extracurricular work and later on internships. But on the bright side it would certainly serve to distract her from her lonely existence. _

_She made it through that day without really talking to anyone but her professors. During her lunch break she escaped to the beautiful green campus and observed everyone else while she was leaning against a tree, an open book propped up against her knees. It was a little cold outside already but she just pulled her coat closer around her and enjoyed the wind on her face. Some guys were tossing a Frisbee back and forth while a group of girls was hunched over something C.C. couldn't see. Then something caught her eye. Another group of girls looking decidedly more wealthy was observing her, as if they were trying to decide whether she was one of them or not. But it wasn't them in particular that had caught her attention, it was a boy who had just walked past them. He looked older than the chattering girls, with broad shoulders and sandy-blonde hair. Yet despite his muscular built he carried himself gracefully and with such ease that she had difficulties taking her eyes off him. And before she knew what she was doing, she had stuffed her book into her bag and risen to her feet and was following him. She walked past the group of girls who were clearly discussing her, for she heard her name being whispered like a shadow that stuck to her wherever she went. But then the voices subsided and all she could hear was his footsteps followed by the click of her heels as they headed through the corridors of the Victorian style building. C.C. vaguely registered were they were, because the map of the campus was imprinted in her memory. Physics and all the sciences were situated in the more modern block, languages and history in the typically American looking buildings and Psychology and Performing Arts in the Victorian buildings. Now the question was, which side did he belong to? She came to an abrupt halt and pretended to read a letter on one of the notice boards, when the boy slipped into a class room at the end of the corridor. She heard cheers and greetings and tiptoed closer, risking a glance inside. She had been mistaken, it hadn't been a classroom at all, but a small theatre, with rows and rows of chairs and even a curtain. She stood and watched quietly for a while until the sharp ringing of the bell reminded her that she wasn't supposed to be there at all, but rather at the other end of the campus. _


	16. Chapter 15

**Hello, Hello!:) Ah, I'm so proud of myself for keeping the updates coming regularly again!:p Thank you for nrfan for reviewing every single chapter! lol I'm highly amused by your bribe and will see what I can do!;) Anyway, leave me a review so I know what you think! ;)**

**Disclaimer: Only Norah is mine and I had way too much fun writing her!;)  
**

Chapter 15:

Angelica Bort was studying herself in the bathroom mirror of the hospital. Her hair was in her trademark bun but she had allowed the front strands on either side to cascade down her face, softening her features. Her hands that were tracing her lips with a dark red shade of lipstick were shaking. She knew that it wasn't right to fall for Niles Brightmore, her client's friend who might even become her partner if everything went well for them. But despite all rationalisation and her whispered insistence that it hadn't been planned, she couldn't reverse the path her heart had taken. Even though she knew that it was pointless, because the only woman who consumed his thoughts was her client. And since when had she lost her ability to pick the right priorities? Her thoughts were running in circles and so she angrily stuffed her lipstick back into her purse where it belonged and exited the bathroom. And there, beside the two mugs of coffee on the table, he sat. Exhausted yet undeniably happy.

"You're here earlier than I thought," she commented as she walked past him to settle down in her own chair "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, we're perfectly fine." he gave her a sincere smile.

"There's your coffee as per request," she grinned pointing at his mug and then took a sip of her own.

"Thanks," he nodded and lifted it to his lips "C.C. was just telling me a bit about her first few weeks at University. She was avoided by most people due to her wealth, but there was a group of girls who noticed her...but she didn't get into detail...and a boy who took her fancy...but once again, she didn't divulge more."

"Does it make you jealous?" Bort asked, the words having slipped past her lips before she could stop herself.

"Maybe a little," he shrugged and once again she was amazed by his honesty "but on the other hand...it's in her past, you know? And C.C. has never mentioned him before...so..."

His carefreeness was astounding and yet she felt bound to warn him and with a heavy sigh she set her mug down on the table.

"Mr. Brightmore, have you ever considered the possibility that Miss Babcock might not return? What will you do?"

"She will return," he answered firmly without missing a beat but under her serious gaze he found himself confronted with the other possibility "and if she doesn't...I'll stay by her side, if that's what you're worried about?"

Bort made a non-committal noise at the back of her throat and let him continue.

"I wouldn't leave her, because she'll know that she's alone...and I wouldn't do that to her..." and then as a soft afterthought "I couldn't..."

Bort felt the painful tug at her heartstrings, as if they had just learned again what it meant to be aching.

_"If only a man could look at me like that..._" the unspoken thought formed in her head and she lowered her eyes to the table to hide her tears from him.

"You're a good man, Mr. Brightmore," she complimented quietly and lifted her head up again.

"You're crying," he gently said and the worry in his voice was overwhelming, as he rose to his feet and was by her side in an instant.

"I'm sorry," she apologised and pushed her black-rimmed glasses to the crown of her head.

"There's no need," his voice was a caress and his thumb lightly brushed a stray tear from her cheek "you just care about her more than just a client, it can happen to the best of us."

"Yes," she managed and choked down a sob.

Her client, goddamnit, why hadn't she given more thought to Miss Babcock? Here she was with the man who made both of them feel, by some ironic twist of fate, and she had forgotten all about her duties as a psychiatrist.

"Thank you, Mr. Brightmore," she said curtly, in a desperate attempt to create some distance between them again "just a temporary lapse, I can assure you."

"You'll be fine," he promised and squeezed her hand before returning to his seat again.

"Yes," she replied, for she had no choice.

* * *

Niles was exhausted the next day when he arrived at the hospital. Maxwell had a new show opening and had therefore planned a little soiree at the Sheffield mansion. Niles, insisting that he couldn't go a day without seeing C.C., had thus got up even earlier in the morning to prepare all the food and had promised to serve it too upon his return.

"Hello, C.C.," he managed to greet her while stifling a yawn.

"Lots of work?" she asked, stretching in bed.

"More than you know," he sighed and sat down on his chair before adding "but I always have time for you."

"I'm not some charity case," she replied, withdrawing from him again.

"I know," he nodded and maybe it was because the tiredness got the better of him, he added "I just love spending time with you, alright?"

"Alright," she accepted, but he had known her long enough to see that she was pleased "So did you ask her?"

Niles, with his mind still on work started frowning. "Asked who?"

"Dr. Bort, of course! If I can leave the room!"

"Oh no, I'm so sorry! It completely slipped my mind."

"Well, it's not like it's important," C.C. grumbled angrily "I'm just trapped in here."

"Listen," Niles said a little frustrated and then took a deep breath "we had other things to discuss. And I'm sorry you're stuck in here, I understand that you must be going stir-crazy. I'll sort it out today."

"What else did you two talk about then, if not me?" C.C. challenged and he could clearly detect the jealousy in her tone.

For a second Niles thought about telling her the truth, that Dr. Bort had been tired and worried and had also needed someone to listen to her but then he thought that showing concern towards the Doctor would only make her more suspicious.

"Hey," he softly said and got rid of his shoes again to climb into bed "how about I stare at the wall for a while and you tell me more about your life as a University student?"

She stared at him almost bewildered, before a small, nearly unnoticeable smile stole over her features.

"I don't know what to tell you, it's not that interesting."

"Mmh," he pretended to think "did you ever go back to that theatre room?"

She blushed a bit and lowered her gaze to her knees. "Yes, I had to know who he was."

And despite his best efforts Niles didn't manage to hide the look of pain that flashed over his face.

_Flashback:_

_The very next day during lunch break she stole back to the place only to find it empty. Hurriedly she scanned the notice boards in the vicinity to see if she could find out when the meetings took place, but there wasn't a timetable. But then later on in the evening when she had gone for a stroll in the darkened grounds, she had passed it and through the window she could see the boy and his friends rehearsing. So she settled down on a nearby bench and in the glow of the theatre spotlights shining through the window, she watched in awe. She had never seen anyone acting so well and so confidently and she became so mesmerised that she returned every night from then on just to watch. _

_As the days went by C.C. started mingling more with other people, but of course only with those who would have her. Clarice, Jane and Marcia were part of the ballroom committee of Bryn Mawr University and so C.C.'s afternoons were filled with tea, embroidery and flower arrangements. It wasn't exactly what she enjoyed and secretly she rather would have been in the theatre with the blonde-haired boy, but her mother had always emphasised the importance of an influential circle of friends, even if those friends were mainly manipulative harpies. _

_The biggest event in the school curriculum was the end of year ball. And to her surprise the girls hadn't refused her idea of the Acting Society providing the entertainment for the night. However, because it had been C.C. who had suggested it, it fell onto her to approach the members. So on a warm June evening she found herself in front of the theatre doors again, nervously tugging a strand of hair behind her ear. She wore a white skirt and blue top and had paid particular attention to her make-up, because there was the possibility that she might have to speak to the boy. The first one to arrive, however, was a brunette guy, with chocolate brown eyes. _

_"Hi," he greeted her with a friendly smile "are you here to audition?" _

_But C.C. was all too aware of the other students walking past them in the hall, listening in on their conversation and she swallowed. _

_"Of course not, don't be ridiculous!" she replied haughtily "Why on earth would I even consider joining your little club?" _

_The friendly smile vanished and she felt as if the boy had taken a step away from her. _

_"Maybe because you've been watching us every day of the week for months now?" he retorted and she could feel all colour draining from her face. _

_"That's a pathetic lie," she choked out. _

_"No it isn't and you know it. I think it's pathetic that you and your little friends think that they are above everyone else. But I tell you something, just because you have money doesn't mean that you're better...or in your case even nice. And I've always asked myself why you were alone..." _

_She could feel the humiliation sink down sickeningly to the pit of her stomach and hiding her face behind a curtain of hair, she hastily retreated to her dorm._

_

* * *

_

_Summer break arrived and provided a welcome change for C.C., who found herself in hot Alabama to visit her grandmother. Her father had been too busy to see her, though C.C. secretly assumed that he simply didn't want to see her, and everything was better than being alone with her mother. Her grandmother had pulled up by the airport in an old Hyundai that seemed to have accumulated all heat of the desert inside. _

_"My God, girl, I hope you brought better clothes than these," she had said, pointing at her Chanel outfit with a crinkling of the nose. _

_"B-but grandma, this is the best in line...I mean...the new designs don't come out until-" _

_"I don't care about the bloody label, jeez, I mean shorts...tops...summers can get swelteringly hot here." she had roughly interrupted her. _

_"No kidding," C.C. had sarcastically remarked, fanning herself with one hand and to her immense surprise her grandmother had started laughing. _

_

* * *

_

_Her grandmother lived with two dogs in a little bungalow. The change had been so drastic and unexpected that C.C. had spent the first few days hiding away in her room. That was until her grandmother had decided that she had had enough of the stubborn girl and had dragged her away to the markets to buy her a pair of jeans shorts and a couple of halter-neck tops. _

_"All I'm missing is the cowboy hat and the boots," C.C. gloomily muttered upon their return. _

_"If you keep that attitude up, girlie, you'll get em too." _

_Even days afterwards C.C. had trouble believing that this woman was part of the Babcock clan. She was sitting on her usual spot on the front porch, her blonde hair tied up in a ponytail while a droplet of sweat was making its way down her spine. She was watching her grandma inside the house making bread, her strong hands kneading the dough, as if she'd been born to do just that. _

_"Wanna give me a hand?" Norah asked, as she caught her granddaughter observing her. _

_"I don't...cook..." C.C. mumbled and rose to her feet. _

_"Don't you think it's time you learned?" Norah then challenged and C.C. gave her a weak smile. _

_"I'm not getting out of this, am I?" _

_"No way, now go and wash your hands and then help me." _

_She had never bonded so much with anyone over cooking as she did then...well, maybe with Jeremy all these years ago, but she made a conscious effort to push those memories away. _

_"Now what's going on in that thick skull of yours?" Norah questioned, giving her a stern look. _

_"I don't know," C.C. shrugged "there's just this boy at University..." _

_"Oooh, a boy!" her grandmother exclaimed and C.C. resisted the urge to roll her eyes. _

_"It's not like that...he's in the Acting Society and I..." she swallowed, still having trouble to describe her desire to watch them perform, a desire that had pulled her back to the same spot every night "I've watched them...they're very good. So I wanted them to perform at the ball...but it didn't work out..." _

_And before she knew it, she had spilled every last tiny detail about that dreadful moment. _

_"It serves you right, Chas," her grandma commented with a disappointed shake of the head "you can't expect people to appreciate you when you treat them like dirt." _

_"But you don't understand, the others were watching...they were..." she tried to defend herself, crossing her arms in front of her chest. _

_"Listen," Norah said seriously, setting her bowl down "I can see that all isn't lost coz it's affecting you. But stop justifying your behaviour and deal with the fact that it wasn't nice... when you've finally accepted that, you can move on and change." _

_

* * *

_

She stopped talking abruptly, as if she had registered how much of herself she had bared this time. Her shoulder was leaning against Niles' again and her left arm had snaked around his right and her hand was now resting on his. He knew that she was ashamed and afraid that he would leave her too, but he had no such plans and instead moved his hand to soothingly caress her arm.

"I like picturing you in those shorts," he voiced, a whispered, hesitant confession that caused the most beautiful laugh to tumble past her lips.


	17. Chapter 16

**Hello, Hello!:) Update time!;) Warning: this is an M! lol A slight M...and I hope you'll enjoy it! Anyway, to celebrate the fact that I got back my dissertation draft today and it's pretty good ;) I'll probably update "The Fabric of Love" as well. I just have to finish the chapter first. lol Please, make a tired student happy and leave a review. (I'm still trying to get over the fact that Lauren Lane will be in "August:Osage County" at the ZACH and I can't see it...)**

**Disclaimer: They don't belong to me...only Scott's mine...**

Chapter 16:

Dr. Bort caught him the next morning as he was entering the hospital. She was nursing her regular cup of coffee and was smiling at him over the top of her glasses. It took him a moment to figure out what was different about her, but then he noticed that she had let her hair down. It was bushier and softer than he had imagined and he assumed that it took her a while to pin it up into the stern bun.

"Are you alright?" she asked once he had stepped closer and handed him another cup of coffee.

"Yes, fine." he replied with a smile and rubbed his eyes, before taking the coffee.

"You never came to see me yesterday," she reminded him softly.

His eyes were apologetic and his smile almost painful, as if he knew what she was attempting to hide behind her facade of professionalism.

"I know, I'm sorry. C.C. and I talked longer yesterday and Mr. Sheffield, my boss, threw a party and so duty called."

She nodded. "That would explain why you look so tired."

"Careful there, Doc," he commented, playfully nudging her in the ribs "you almost sound like you care."

She laughed sincerely and then covered her mouth as if she was ashamed of her reaction.

"I admire your dedication to my patient, but just be careful that it won't come at the cost of your own health, alright?" she said, looking him directly in the eye.

"I know and I appreciate it. But, you see, it's not just that I feel bad when I'm not there for C.C. every day. It's also that these visits are part of my daily routine and without them, something's missing."

"She's missing..." Dr. Bort sighed quietly but Niles failed to notice her sadness.

"Oh and before I forget it again. C.C. asked if it was alright for her to leave her room. She's getting a bit stir-crazy being stuck in there."

"No, I think she's stable enough now. You could go for a walk with her, as long as you remain within the hospital area."

"Alright, that's fantastic. I'm sure that's all she needs. Thank you, Dr. Bort," and he checked his watch "but I should really be going."

"Of course," she smiled and then called after him "but don't forget to come and see me afterwards!"

* * *

"C.C., I have great news!" he exclaimed, barging into her room.

But she wasn't there. For a moment his pulse accelerated almost painfully as he wildly scanned each and every corner. But then he heard the flush of the toilet and the sound of running water and he knew where she was and so he sat down on her bed with slightly shaking legs. Slowly the door opened and she emerged, wearing nothing but a black nightie and a robe that was left open. He just managed to compose himself before his jaw dropped, but couldn't help but stare at her incredulously.

"Hello Niles," she practically purred "do you like it?"

"I um...it's pretty," he commented, deciding that this was a safe enough answer.

"I grew a little sick of the hospital gowns, they are so unflattering. And then I went through my clothes and found this. Much better, isn't it?"

He swallowed and nodded numbly. He watched her movements carefully as she lay down on the bed, which were much more graceful and fluent.

"Did you have many women in your time, Niles?" she asked, propping her head up on her hands.

"Well, I've been in a relationship with a few," he muttered, still trying not to stare at the way the nightie hugged her curves.

"I know how nice it feels to be with a man." she sighed and then crossed her legs enticingly "Why don't you join me in bed again?"

"C.C., I don't think that's um..." he cleared his throat and felt oddly reminded of Maxwell whenever Fran had directly approached him like this "I'm rather comfortable here."

Sadness clouded her eyes and she pulled away instantly, crawling underneath the sheets.

"Are you alright?" he asked hesitantly, leaning forward to lightly touch her shoulder.

"Yes, I'm just peachy," she muttered in return and he let go of the breath he'd been holding.

"For what it's worth, you do look lovely in this." he complimented gently, hoping not to cross some line.

"Then why don't you want me?" she questioned, her light-blue eyes finding his.

"C.C.," his voice was pleading with her now, for she knew nothing about his inner turmoil "I'm too old for you."

She sighed deeply and touched his hand. "You're probably right... I'm sorry...it's just...No-one really wants me, you know?"

"I'm sure that isn't true," he said and couldn't help but grin a little.

"Well, they want me," she clarified "but they don't love me. And I don't understand that...I'm tired of having sex..."

Niles' face turned a deep shade of red at her candour.

"So um... this has happened before?" he asked, shifting uncomfortably in his chair.

"Of course... I've had sex, jesus, what do you take me for? I'm 21!"

He felt like there couldn't possibly be a good way of asking the next question and so he decided to simply get it over and done with.

"So you say you've had sex... but there's no love? Not even in your first time?"

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "God, Niles, most people don't really love their sex partners!"

_Flashback:_

"_He's definitely looking at you, Chastity!" Clarice whispered excitedly. _

_They were all hanging out by the football pitch and C.C., wearing a pair of shorts that showed off her sun-tanned legs, was sitting on a wooden table, focused on a book. In an almost bored way she lifted her head and followed her friend's gaze. Clarice was right, Scott Thomas, Quarterback and all around admired sportsman was looking at her and even winking at her. Despite the slight fluttering of her heart, C.C. shrugged, closed her book and hopped off the table. _

_"I have to go to the library," she said and left the group behind, aware of their hushed whispers. _

_To keep up her pretence she actually headed into the library and pulled her favourite book about lighting design from a shelf and then climbed the spiral staircase to where the novels were kept. She spent a good half hour browsing before she made a decision. _

_"You come here often," a warm voice said that ran like a summer shower over her body. _

_She appraised Scott Thomas coolly, who was now sporting a pair of sweatpants and a Bryn Mawr football T-shirt. _

_"It' s a library, I'm a student," she merely said and pushed her way past him and towards the check-out. _

_"That theory has limits. I'm a student and I'm not really here often." _

_"You're a Jock," she muttered. _

_"And what? I don't read? That's like saying you're rich so you don't borrow books, you buy them. And lookie here, that's not true!" _

_"What do you want?" she asked directly, but a smile was playing on her lips. _

_"Your attention." he said and she shook her head and continued walking towards her room. _

_"Why me? You've got pretty much all other girls looking at you." C.C. questioned. _

_"That's why," he explained. _

_"What?" she exclaimed "Are you really so self absorbed that you need everyone's attention?" _

_"You're beautiful when you're angry." he softly said, turned her around by her wrist and pressed his lips against hers. _

_For a second she went limp but then fought herself free and breathed: "You're unbelievable!" _

_"So are you," he panted "and you don't look at me and it's driving me insane."_

_Scott Thomas tipped her world on its head, made her forget about James Stevenson, the blonde-haired Drama student. She got lost in the flurry of emotions, and time was suddenly measured by the lingering of his lips on her skin. They were private with their affection for each other and yet it was public knowledge that C.C. Babcock was dating Scott Thomas. Her girlfriends talked, pressed her for details and were always disappointed to find that she hadn't slept with him yet. Under his influence she grew more confident and beautiful, all because she felt wanted and adored. He made her feel womanly and now when she walked down the corridors in shorts and a top, she knew that the reason people were looking at her was that they were admiring her long legs, Scott so loved, and the sway of her well-formed hips. _

_He was with her, every night, sometimes just content in watching her read. But on this particular evening he approached her, stood between her legs and placed a long kiss on her lips. _

_"You look rather radiant tonight, Chas," he whispered. _

_She giggled, put her book away and wrapped her arms around his neck. _

_"Someone's been reading a little too much Jane Austen." she told him, touching her forehead to his. _

_"And whose fault is that?" he mumbled and claimed her lips again. _

_"I didn't force you," she tried to argue but his searing kisses travelling down her throat made thinking very hard. _

_His hands found their way beneath her shirt and C.C.'s breath hitched in her throat. _

_"Scott, I want you to make love to me tonight," she whispered, as he peeled layers and layers of clothes off her body. _

_"Are you sure?" his voice was a deep hum as he kissed a burning trail down her thigh "It'll change things." _

_"I don't care," she managed. _

_He gave her his beautiful, rare smile and lifted her off the windowsill. C.C., merely clad in her underwear now, wrapped her arms and legs around him while he carried her towards the bed, melting against his body as if they could become one already. The softness of the sheets was welcoming and he kissed her gently, as his fingers inched over her back and unclasped her bra. He pushed her down fully on the bed now and explored her chest, from her collarbones to her stomach, with his lips. When he found her nipples, she held her breath. His warm lips closed around it, nibbling softly and then sucking harder. She exhaled shakily then as the throbbing desire increased. Maybe it was because it was her first time, or because she had been waiting for this, but without any control over her own body she arched her back, giving herself to him. His chuckle was gentle and erotic as her breath escaped her in ragged moans and goose bumps covered her flesh. She felt vulnerable and bare yet incredibly powerful simultaneously and by the time he moved inside her pain and pleasure were the same and all that mattered was that he was there, holding her. _

_After that night everything somehow dissolved in a cloud of hurt. Scott left her the very next day. He said that he had told her that everything would change once they slept together and that she had agreed. When C.C. tried to argue he explained that he never stayed with any of his girlfriends after they've had sex. He had to keep up his image and how was that possible if he wasn't available, if the entire school thought he was in a close relationship with someone? The betrayal had burnt her, still rested with all the weight of a much guarded secret in the pit of her stomach. Sex wasn't love, but sex felt good. It was as if, despite her best intentions, Scott had awakened something in her, something that couldn't be satisfied anymore by her own hand alone. And so C.C. went out and found them, the poor losers who had attempted to flirt with her, or the rich boys who wanted her for her status. And those in between she treated especially coolly. She didn't allow any of them to worship her body like Scott had done, but instead took charge. She rode them mercilessly and with a passion that bordered on violence and moved on whenever she thought she might get attached again. _

_

* * *

_

Niles was still flustered and slightly shaken by the time he reached the cafeteria. Bort noticed this with an amused smile and waited until he had loosened his tie and sat down.

"Everything alright? You look a little..."

"C.C. is sexually active," he stammered, avoiding her eyes.

"She's...what? I mean...how do you know?" Bort asked, blushing as furiously as the man in front of her.

"Well, first, she tried to seduce me...and when I didn't let her she grew angry, so I asked her why... and then she told me about her first time...and her relationship with men..."

Bort slowly got to her feet and came back a little while later with a glass of ice cold water.

"Here, I think you might need that. "she said and handed it to him "It clearly seems Miss Babcock needed to get that out of her system. What did she say exactly? Maybe this will offer a further explanation for her damaged relationship with men."

"Dr. Bort, if you wouldn't mind...I'd rather not analyse this now. I need some time to...uh...digest... everything..."

"Of course. Go back home and," there was a pregnant pause as she involuntarily pictured all the possible options "rest..."


	18. Chapter 17

**Hello, Hello!:) Yes, my update is one day late but I don't think that it's that big a deal, right? This is the final chapter that is concerned with C.C.'s Uni years, so I hope you'll enjoy it. ;) Leave me some feedback, folks, so I know what you're thinking!;)**

**Disclaimer: James is mine, they others aren't. **

Chapter 17:

Dr. Bort was waiting for him once again at the entrance of the hospital, holding two cups of coffee.

"Feeling better this morning, Mr. Brightmore?" she inquired, unable, however, to hide an amused grin.

"Yes, much. And I feel rather foolish..." he trailed off.

"Oh no need. You're in love with her, it is only natural that a direct and more flirtatious approach would rattle your nerves."

"Still, out of all the things that could've happened, this I wasn't prepared for in the least."

"So tell me," Dr. Bort said as she was walking him to the elevators "how old do you think Miss Babcock is now?"

"I can answer this accurately," he replied, sipping on his coffee "she's 21. She told me so yesterday. The young man she shared her first time with left her afterwards...which caused her to be either rather cautious around men or to boldly approach them, use them and then throw them away again."

"Unstable attachment," Bort muttered under her breath and nodded "and with everything else that we know, it's enough to explain her general suspicion towards the people in her environment."

"I don't know what to ask her today..." Niles confessed as they waited for the lift to reach their floor "I don't even know if she'll want me anymore."

"Only one way to find out," Bort told him with an easy smile "you know where to find me."

The silence in the elevator that made even the loudest noises sound muffled, unnerved him. He was afraid that C.C. would withdraw from him completely, that she might have taken his hasty departure as an offense. But Bort was right, the only way to find out was to confront her and so he increased the pace of his steps as he strode down the corridor and towards her room. C.C. stood by the window this time, her back towards him, which made reading her mood even more difficult.

"Hello, C.C.," he greeted calmly but remained by the door.

"So you returned?" she asked, smiling at him over her shoulder.

"Of course, why wouldn't I?" he questioned, encouraged by her first reaction.

"No reason," she shrugged and instantly became more guarded.

There was a silence in which Niles tried to figure out whether it was safe to move or not.

"Did you tell Dr. Bort about...yesterday?" her voice was quiet and Niles felt sorry for her, because she so clearly was ashamed.

"I did...vaguely...let's just say I outlined the general topic." he stammered.

"It's always great to know that people can still draw satisfaction from my humiliation..." she muttered with a scathing bitterness.

"She didn't," he softly voiced and walked to stand as close to her as he could without their bodies touching "say, C.C., I didn't get a chance to tell you this yesterday. But you're not confined to this room. We could go for a walk in the park if you'd like?"

She turned around slowly, her light-blue eyes filled with confusion and warmth alike, which rendered him breathless.

"Niles?" she asked, as if she'd only just realised who was standing in front of her.

He held her gaze, afraid that even a single breath was enough to shatter the extraordinary moment. She lifted her hands and carefully, yet purposefully, rested them on his chest.

"Niles..." she repeated, this time with a light chuckle, as if she was amused at her own obvious oversight.

But then suddenly her eyes grew vacant again as she frowned and shook her head in confusion.

"What were you saying?" her smile was honest, but he felt tears in his eyes when he realised that he had lost her again.

"I was just suggesting that we could go for a walk in the park." he managed, his voice raspy "I spoke to Dr. Bort the other day and she agreed."

"I can leave?" she asked excitedly and was already moving away from him and towards her wardrobe.

"Yes, as long as you are in my or Dr. Bort's company. I'll wait here while you change and then we can go for a little stroll and you can tell me more...if you'd like."

She looked hesitant for a moment but then nodded, obviously too excited by the idea of finally leaving her room, to care about anything else.

When C.C. emerged again she was wearing a pair of sweatpants combined with a grey Bryn Mawr University t-shirt, which must have been added to her bag by pure coincidence. Whatever the reason, Niles was glad that she had found it, for it surely made her feel more comfortable to be wearing such a familiar item.

"Lead on," she said after she had tied her shoe laces "I'm supposed to follow you, aren't I?"

He grinned. "Well, technically I'm just supposed to supervise you, though I would appreciate it if you'd talk to me while we walk."

"What do you want to hear?" she asked, as they were heading out of the hospital building.

"Well, you could tell me... if you'd like, a bit how things were after Scott Thomas left you... what did you do?"

C.C. was silent for so long that he thought she wouldn't answer at all. The sun was shining even though it was still chilly outside and they walked together until they had left the hospital behind and were surrounded by the green of the bushes and trees.

"Do you really want to know?" her question was so quiet he nearly didn't catch it.

"Yes, but I won't force you, C.C. I just think...maybe it would do you some good to share..."

"You won't judge me?"

"No and I won't run away either, I promise."

Carefully her arm snaked around his and she lightly leaned against him as they continued to walk.

_Flashback:_

_After the incident with Scott, C.C. had made a name for herself as the ruthless Bitch of Bryn Mawr. While her ex-boyfriend's plan to regain more popularity seemed to have worked, C.C., herself had acquired a rather large group of admirers. Some of which just wanted to be with her in any way, and others respected and feared her. C.C. was vaguely aware of her sudden status change but none of it made her alter her behaviour in any way. When she didn't try to find some form of affection, she buried herself in her work. The final year at University served as an excellent source for that and her grades certainly benefited from her sudden dedication to the subject. And before she knew it, her final exams were done and all she had to concentrate on was the end of year ball. She wasn't counting on going with anyone, though she knew that she would be asked. All she planned on doing was to get drunk and forget all about the four years that had just passed. _

_The minute she walked into the darkened room, she felt all eyes on her. She wore a midnight-blue dress that emphasised the shape of her voluptuous body and that had a slit on the side that allowed a closer view of her smooth, long legs. Wordlessly she walked through the crowd and to the first punch bar she could find. The alcohol felt soothing and good even though it burnt her throat and she contented herself drinking and watching her peers. Then she spotted him, James Stevenson, alone in the corner with some wallflower. Taking another hearty sip of her drink, she set the cup down and walked over to him. _

_"Hello James," she greeted in her most seductive voice "I was wondering if you'd like to dance with me." _

_"I'm sorry, Chastity, but I'm busy right now." he politely declined, though she could've sworn to have perceived a mocking tone to her name. _

_"I'm not sure that you'll get another chance, I'm rather popular." she tried again, flashing a brilliant smile that showed her teeth. _

_"Then go and dance with those who want to have you. I don't want to, sorry." _

_There was a lump in her throat again and a sharp pain that constricted her chest. She whirled around quickly, but with enough grace not to cause a scene, and strode out of the ballroom with her head held high. She had wanted to insult him and the little girl by his side, for declining the offer of a Babcock. But her grandmother's voice had echoed through her head and she hadn't been able to. Instead she now found herself outside in the warm summer breeze, closing her eyes and trying to regulate her breathing. _

_"Chastity," a voice said, but she didn't turn around. _

_Carefully James rounded her and looked her in the eye with a gentle smile. _

_"I'm sorry if I hurt you," he began. _

_"You couldn't," she cut him off and started gnawing on her bottom lip. _

_"This is exactly what I mean," he sighed deeply "I don't know what's become of you. What happened to the girl I saw watching us from the window? She seemed nice and maybe a little shy. But now this? This act... the toughness, the hurtfulness, do you really think that makes you attractive?" _

_"Gee, James, you're doing a marvellous job of not hurting my feelings." she remarked bitterly. _

_"I'm sorry, but I just want you to understand. If you'd come and talked to me back then I would've welcomed you and any dance would be yours now. But like this... I don't like you and I don't want to be associated with you. You were a lovely girl and I think you still are...somewhere, that side that you keep hiding. I hope you'll understand that and maybe change again because no-one will like you, if you behave like this." _

_The pat on her shoulder that he surely had intended to give her comfort, only felt heavy and hollow. She waited until he had disappeared and then she, too, turned around and headed back inside the building. She consciously forced herself to keep her steps steady and calm, this way she wouldn't attract attention. But it required great strength and she was relieved when she spotted the first toilet sign. Pushing the door open she breathed in the quietness but still saw it fit to lock herself away even further. So only when the stall door was securely closed behind her, did she trust herself to let go. It started as a mere trickle of tears down her cheek, a moisture that soaked her skin. Her eyes were hurting from too many years of forcing herself to be strong, not to collapse... the instinct was still in place. Her chest was hurting as she experienced physical pain that she wasn't used to and that scared her just a little bit. Soon she was sobbing, louder and louder, as if this act was enough to turn back time and make her flaws disappear. She didn't stop when she heard a group of girls entering the toilet, she couldn't. And now she felt truly terrified because she had lost her ability to control herself. But the girls giggled, didn't even seem to hear her, or if they did, they certainly weren't given any indication of it. And eventually the noise subsided again and C.C. shakily got to her feet. She slid the bolt back and stepped outside, walked to the sink and propped herself up there on her hands, as if the sudden weakness that had befallen her, was enough to make her faint. _

_"Hey, are you alright?" a soft voice, unexpected, made her whirl around. _

_She came face to face with a short, blonde girl whose name she couldn't quite remember. _

_"I'm..." she tried to find her voice, but the words got lost in the sea of compassion she saw in the girl's eyes. _

_"Here, have a tissue," she offered with a smile and C.C. took it with a simple nod. _

_Suddenly the calm was broken as the toilet door was pushed open and a girl stuck her head inside. _

_"Sara, what are you doing? Come on! You'll miss the fireworks!" _

_"I'll be there in a minute," the girl replied and the other one disappeared, but C.C. could hear her name being whispered outside the door now. _

_"Here, keep the pack," Sara said and put it down near her by the sink "and I'm sure whatever is troubling you will be alright again." _

_Her blue eyes were warm, comforting. _

_"Thank you," C.C. breathed into the silence, awkwardness and shyness settling around her after the last word had left her lips. _

_Another carefree smile and the swing of the door and the girl was gone._

_

* * *

_

Niles had felt her sagging against his body as she had told him the last part. And so he carefully led her to the nearest park bench. Several people walked past them, eyed them with unashamed curiosity and he did his best to shield C.C. from their view.

"You'll be alright again," he softly whispered, draping an arm around her shoulders.

She looked at him hopeless and vulnerable and he rested his chin on her shoulder, almost nuzzling her neck, just to give her the physical contact she so obviously craved. She didn't answer, she didn't have to, he could feel that her body relaxed again, clearly welcoming his embrace. They remained where they were and so it came that Niles didn't see the woman who walked past them, he merely registered a noise that sounded suspiciously much like the click of a camera.


	19. Chapter 18

**Hello, Hello. It's almost midnight but hey, I'm still within my regular 3 days!;) Before we get started, for this my huge thanks goes to pseudoswede who from now on will be my beta! :) Yes, I finally have one!:) I have to thank her for getting this back to me so quickly with the wonderful yellow and green highlights, it's greatly appreciated!:) And then, as always, I have to thank you guys for still sticking with it!:) Next update will be ready for your during the weekend! Till then, pleeeaaase leave me some feedback!;)**

**Disclaimer: They don't belong to me...  
**

Chapter 18:

It at started to unravel the next morning. Niles woke up early, his mind still busy processing the events of the previous day. Bort had agreed with him that the brief moment that had transpired was proof of C.C.'s old self resurfacing. While this, of course, had given him hope, his mind had been frantically active trying to find a way to bring her back again. Despite all his efforts he couldn't think of anything, for he hadn't said anything meaningful that would've explained the moment. Although he was somewhat suffering from lack of sleep, he hummed happily to himself as he slipped into his robe, and ran a hand through his dishevelled hair. With the house still fast asleep around him, he headed down the backstairs to retrieve the newspaper that was delivered, as always, to the back entrance of the Sheffield residence. Niles knew how much Maxwell appreciated it when his newspaper was neatly pressed. He opened the door, bending down to pick it up, vaguely registering the murmur of voices that hung in the air. Back inside the house, he went to work, and then walked back upstairs to have a shower. By the time he made it into the kitchen again to prepare breakfast, he could hear voices in the dining room.

"Niles!" Mr Sheffield's voice boomed, and the butler rolled his eyes.

"Can't you read your bloody newspaper first?" he muttered under his breath. "I'm on it," he said.

Nevertheless, he went into the dining room to see what his boss required. However, to his surprise, Maxwell did not only look angry, but scared at the same time, and even the usually so vivacious Nanny gave him an apologetic look. Something was wrong, and Niles instantly felt sick to his stomach.

"Now, old man, I want you to remain calm," Max began, but Niles' jaw was tense, and he gave his employer a steely glare "I'll just show you..."

He opened the newspaper,handing him a specific article. In the middle of it was a picture of C.C. and him on the park bench, firmly locked in an embrace. The headline read: "Bitch of Broadway Gone Nuts, Or Just In Love With The Butler?"

Niles' fists clenched and unclenched fiercely as he read on.

"C.C. Babcock, one half of Sheffield- Babcock Productions, otherwise known as the Bitch of Broadway, has been strangely absent from the scene lately. When reporters questioned why she did not attend _Hello, Sailor!_ Maxwell Sheffield's latest flop, he commented that she had been otherwise detained. However, the photo above begs the question: Does Sheffield know that Babcock appears to be romantically involved with his butler? Or maybe there is a darker twist to the love story, because the photo was taken in the park of Presbyterian Hospital. Either way, the question remains: Does Maxwell Sheffield know if the butler did it?"

"Unbelievable," Niles barked, and began furiously pacing through the dining room.

"These vultures," Max chimed in, and slapped the rest of his newspaper down on the table "They're outside the house, dying to get the inside scoop, you know?"

"Alright, you two, calm down! Max, go and talk to them; if ya say that you're prepared to give a statement it should distract them enough for Niles to slip out the backdoor."

"What do I tell them?"

"The truth," Niles sighed, sinking down in a chair "that C.C. is being treated. It's no use denying it... but keep it light; tell them that she's recovering."

"Alright," Maxwell muttered, halfway determined and rose to his feet.

"And change your tie, sweetie!" Fran called.

Niles sighed again and buried his face in his hands, unable to fully grasp yet what had happened.

"Do you think Miss Babcock has seen the article?" Fran asked, moving over to him.

"I don't think so. I mean, she likes to read a lot, but I haven't seen her with a newspaper before." he answered and Fran noticed with growing concern how tired and old he looked.

"Scarecrow, I'm asking you this as a friend, so don't get mad," she hesitantly started, crouching down before him to take his hands into her own "but is there something between you and Miss Babcock?"

He lifted his head, looking at her with a sad and defeated smile.

"I love her," he whispered simply.

"Oh Niles," Fran replied, and wiped a single tear from the corner of his eyes before embracing him. "I know. So go to the hospital and make sure she's alright!"

It hurt her to watch him moving out of his chair like an old man who had just suffered a physical blow.

"Call me if you need anything," she added softly, and patted his back.

He stopped by the door, and attempted to give her his usual crooked grin. "Thank you."

Fran's plan worked well, and with Maxwell being interviewed at the front door, Niles was able to leave the house unseen. He hailed a taxi, which took him directly to the hospital. But once he drew closer to the entrance his heart stopped, for the lobby was swarming with reporters. Niles stopped in his tracks, but it was only a matter of time before they spotted him and approached.

"What do you say to those suggesting you're having an affair with the Bitch of Broadway?"

"Her name is C.C.," he growled as he roughly pushed his way through the crowd.

"Is she seriously ill?" "Do you hope to inherit her money in case of death?" "Does Maxwell Sheffield know about your affair?"

The questions kept coming, hitting hard like bullets until he was left breathless and tumbling. Out of nowhere a cool hand found him, wrapped around his wrist and pulled him out of the mass of reporters. Dr. Bort looked in pain and a little strained, but she didn't release his hand as they firmly strode down the corridor and towards the elevators.

"How is she?" Niles asked once the doors had securely slid close behind them.

"Alright, for the time being," Bort's voice was tense "she didn't see the article and I've been able to keep them away from her room."

"Good," Niles nodded "I cannot believe this has all happened in one day, and especially with C.C. I wasn't aware that she as in the eye of the media."

"Well, she certainly is now," Bort remarked dryly and exited the lift.

"I wonder if they've been following us, and all the while I've been leading them to her."

"No need to become paranoid, Mr. Brightmore. I doubt it; they would've reacted earlier. I reckon it was by pure coincidence that this photo was taken. So don't blame yourself."

They stopped in front of the door, and Niles smiled at her weakly.

"Just talk to her as you always would. You give her security; don't take it away just because the headlines run through your mind."

Niles hugged her briefly while pushing the handle of the door down. "I'll see you later,"

C.C. was frowning when he stepped inside, but it completely escaped him.

"You look a little... off today," she commented as he went to take a seat, rubbing his neck.

"Oh, you know, just some trouble at work," he waved it off.

"Come here," she smiled and patted her bed again.

Niles' glance briefly flickered towards the door before he decided to take Bort's advice and made a conscious effort to relax. He took off his shoes and sat down on the edge of her bed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, causing a small smile to appear on his face.

"No, thank you, C.C. It's really nothing bad."

"Mmh," she nodded slowly and carefully wrapped her arms around him "you were just so supportive yesterday. I wish I could give you something in return."

Their bodies were lightly touching now and Niles was all too aware of her breasts that were pressed against his chest.

"Just being with you is enough, C.C.," he softly confessed.

"I could take advantage of your vulnerable state now," she teased quietly, letting her hands wander up his back to gently caress his neck.

"You're very sure of yourself," he replied playfully.

He couldn't allow himself to really listen to her words or take them seriously for that matter, not when she was so close. His pulse had already accelerated and his breathing grown shallower, and he hoped that she wouldn't notice.

"Well, you know what I'm like with men," she grinned and touched her forehead to his, with the palm of her hand resting on his cheek "What makes you think you're different?"

Her beautiful light-blue eyes were smiling up at him and her lips were invitingly close.

"I'm too old," the only argument he could think of that would appeal to her rational self.

"Why do you come to see me then, Niles, day after day?" she whispered, bringing her lips even closer.

"Because I care about you," he replied sincerely, "but you're not yourself, C.C. and I'm your only stable contact. Any... sensations that might occur aren't real."

It hurt him to push her away, and not only because he was aching for this as badly as she seemed to.

"I know what I feel, Niles."

For the fraction of a second her voice was deeper, but it was the tragedy of the moment that he didn't notice this either.

"Tell me about the books you have been reading," he said, and gently pulled away.

She looked disappointed, then her eyes grew empty, and she shook her head.

"Sorry?"

"The books," he prompted her again with a smile and draped an arm around her shoulders "you're always reading something. Which one are you on at the moment?"

"Oh, one of yours: "Regeneration"." She replied and instantly snuggled closer against him.

"That's a bit of a gruelling read, isn't it?" he chuckled.

"Yes, but still interesting."

* * *

That day Niles stayed with her throughout the entire night for the first time. He didn't sleep well, but at least he was there to make sure that no reporter would annoy C.C. Later on in the morning, when the sun was already shining brightly, he sneaked down to the cafeteria to get some coffee.

"You don't look like you got much sleep," a voice commented, and Niles immediately smiled.

"Well, I never left the hospital." he replied sheepishly and saw the surprise in Bort's eyes.

"You are incorrigible," she scolded lightly, but followed him as he moved to sit down at a corner table "how is she doing?"

"Alright," he swallowed and hardly managed a smile, uncertain whether to share last night's events with the doctor.

"Is something bothering you?"

"There is..." he admitted "I just don't think I'm ready to share it yet."

Bort looked taken aback, and slightly hurt, but she managed to hide it well.

"Of course. Just make sure that it doesn't become too a big a problem for you to handle."

He nodded. "I'll tell you soon...I just have to try and find out how I feel about it..."

They continued to chat for a while, but soon Niles grew restless again and decided to head back to C.C.'s room. On his way, however, a strange feeling took hold of him, a feeling that left him rather uneasy. He softly knocked on C.C.'s door, and then entered, assuming that she was still asleep when he got no answer. But she wasn't. She sat up right in bed, pale and sickly looking.

"What's wrong?" he asked immediately, a slight frown to his features.

"You should've just told me that you didn't want me instead of making up excuses. I'm so stupid...I should've known...the other woman that you told me about...it's Dr. Bort, isn't it? You're in love with her."

His mouth dropped open as he tried to deal with her accusations.

"C.C., I am not in love with Dr. Bort; we're not even friends, really. What gave you that idea?"

"This," she growled, and threw a couple of photographs to the end of her bed.

They only showed him and Bort hugging, but with C.C.'s jealousy firmly in place, this was enough to make her angry.

"This man came...asked me if I knew about your relationship with her...they have eye witnesses, he told me."

"C.C., listen to me. It's not true. They are reporters...they..." he gestured around wildly "they are printing lies."

"Reporters?" she scoffed "Please. Can't you at least think of a better story?"

He sighed deeply, feeling utterly desperate. She didn't know that she was somewhat famous, couldn't remember that she was part of Sheffield- Babcock productions, so how could he make her understand without overwhelming her?

"I beg you, C.C., believe me. I know it doesn't make sense to you right now, but it will. This man was a reporter; it's not the truth!"

"Don't lie to me..." her voice was just above a whisper now. "I thought I could trust you."

"You can, damn it! C.C., look at me; I wouldn't betray your trust. You know that Dr. Bort and I meet every evening. You know that. We have a cup of coffee and we talk."

"That doesn't look like talking!" she bit back harshly, not even capable of looking at the photographs.

"She was upset and worried one day; I tried to comfort her, so I hugged her."

"But the eye witness accounts say..."

"I don't care what they say, woman! I know what happened." he yelled, frustrated and trying to make her understand.

"I don't want to talk to you right now, Niles." she said quietly and he averted his eyes.

"Please," he tried one last time.

"Go or I'll call hospital security." Her voice was firm, unwavering.

He looked up as he slowly walked towards the door.

"You know I wouldn't hurt you," he said softly, and then he was gone.


	20. Chapter 19

**Hello, Hello!:) Here I am with yet another update. The first thanks goes to my beta again who reads through my chapter so quickly and gives me such useful feedback. :) Then I have to thank you guys, of course, for reviewing. And I'll finally answer the question now, before I forget again. "Don't Resist" is on halt right now...based on the fact that negs and I write daily and it just became too much to keep up with and also, quite frankly, too tedious to string sentences together from the roleplay format. But I've saved all of our texts so maybe if life is less busy I'll post another update. There's another thing I've been meaning to explain for a while. C.C.'s past is written in flashbacks because she's still vividly experiencing it, she's still a child/teenager etc., and Niles' past is written in like a dialogue or monologue because he can objectively step away from it and tell her about it. Just wanted to explain that so you know that there's a reason. ;) Anyway, keep your fingers crossed for me because tomorrow I'll finish (hopefully) the final draft of my dissertation and that'll be a load off my shoulders. ;) Anyway, the huge note stops now.**

**Disclaimer: They aren't mine...**

Chapter 19:

Niles Brightmore was suffering from severe fatigue when he returned to the Sheffield residence that afternoon. The reporters had left, and he was grateful, because he doubted that he could've restrained himself had he encountered them. He opened the front door and stepped inside, scanning the room for any signs of the family, but fortunately, they weren't there. He trudged upstairs, loosening his tie and slipping out of his jacket as he went, and didn't even see Fran stepping out of the bathroom until she called his name.

"Niles, are you alright? How is she?"

He didn't really hear her words, just concentrated on the movement of her lips. There wasn't enough energy inside him to answer and he simply shook his head, turned around and proceeded towards his room. There, he locked himself away, and crawled into bed. He couldn't sleep though, even with his eyes closed. His body was curled around the pile of clothes that was positioned on his bed, his arm draped around the pillow. He thought about C.C. and how they had slept in a similar position the night before, her body moulded against his. He could feel her still; he could still smell her scent if he tried very hard and he conjured up all these sensations to fill the painful void that C.C. had created when she had asked him to leave. Tired and sick, Niles felt as if he had lost her all over again.

* * *

There was a knock on his door at some point later on, but he chose to ignore it, as he had done before.

"Niles, I have Dr. Bort on the telephone. She said she knows what's happened and she wants to talk to you."

"Tell her I don't want to talk to her," he called back, his voice a little hoarse.

"Niles!" Fran tried again but he didn't answer.

His eyes fluttered shut and he attempted to sleep. Maybe if he tried really hard he would manage to shut down as much as C.C. had and join her in getting lost. He'd rather do that than live in a world where she didn't want to see him anymore.

* * *

Time passed by again, and he only grasped how late it was when he saw that it was pitch-black outside. Suddenly there was another knock and he remembered what had awoken him in the first place. He sat up with a groan, and slowly climbed out of bed. His entire body was aching but he managed to drag himself to the door.

"Fran, I'm fine," he muttered half-heartedly while opening it, but it wasn't the Nanny who had knocked.

"I am disappointed in you, Mr. Brightmore," Bort said and strode into the room without asking his permission.

"Great, well, you're certainly not alone." he muttered darkly, closing the door behind him, moving to sit on the bed.

The room wasn't illuminated, but she found him and took a seat by his side.

"Niles, this is the first major set-back we have encountered," she reminded him softly, without looking at him. "And I told you from the beginning that this was likely to happen. Can you recall what you told me?"

"I don't think I said anything," he voiced quietly. "I just agreed."

"Precisely. What happened to your determination?"

"She told me to go..." he replied, as if that was explanation enough.

"Of course she did," Bort nodded. "She's hurt, and she feels betrayed, but is that really enough to give up on her? I understand that you're tired, and it's good that you went home today to get some rest. But this?" She was looking at him now. "It isn't you, so stop wallowing in self-pity, get some sleep, and tomorrow I'll see you at the hospital, and you'll make sure that Miss Babcock trusts you again."

"I don't know how," he confessed, turning to face her.

"By showing up, Niles," Bort squeezed his hand. "By telling her again that nothing happened between us. She trusted you before, and she'll trust you again. I know her."

He blinked his tears away and focused on the therapist for the first time. Her hair was loose again, and her outfit looked strangely out of character, as if she'd thrown it on in a hurry.

"You were worried," he remarked softly, his eyes lingering on her appearance a little bit longer.

"Of course I was," she conceded, "I've been in this profession long enough to know how difficult it can be, how it can sap all of your energy. And I like you, Mr. Brightmore..."

"Niles," he gently interrupted. "You've used it before, let's not return to the old formalities."

"Alright then, I'm Angelica. But maybe we should remain on a surname basis in front of Miss Babcock."

He chuckled. "Yes, I suppose that would be better."

"Good," she stood and brushed a strand of her bushy hair out of her face. "I will see you tomorrow then. Go talk to her, be patient and keep your determination. I'll be around, so if you need me, just page me."

"Thank you," he smiled gratefully, and walked with her to the door to see her out.

* * *

Tiredness still lingered in his limbs when he got out of bed the next morning. He moved swiftly in an attempt to avoid the family and their questions, but even more than that, Fran's understanding gaze that would all too easily shatter the tough image he was building to face C.C. When he arrived at the hospital, no reporters were in sight, and he breathed a silent thank you to Dr. Bort, who had somehow accomplished that while picking him up from his defeated state as well. He nodded at the receptionist and walked to the elevators, going all the way up to the top floor. It was only when his feet had carried him to C.C.'s door that he hesitated. Should he just barge in like Nanny Fine and pretend that nothing had happened? Or should he politely knock and wait for her answer? Eventually he decided on the latter, and patiently waited for her reply, even though his heart was beating frantically.

"Come in," she called, her voice sounding as tired as he felt.

"Good morning," he quietly said and slipped inside, forcing himself to move over to the chair and take his usual seat.

"Niles?" she asked, surprised that he had returned.

"Yes, you didn't really think I wouldn't come back, did you?" he asked, and hoped that she would accept his playfulness.

"I told you to leave," she repeated, looking at him as if he'd lost his mind.

"I'm quite aware of that, C.C., but that was yesterday. Now I am back and I thought that we might resume our conversation."

It wasn't a question; he wanted her to believe that he couldn't be so easily swayed. Maybe he also wanted to convince himself of that.

"You're crazy," she stated, shaking her head.

"No, just stubborn." He gave her a brilliant smile.

"Niles, what is it you want?"

He couldn't help but wipe his sweaty palms on his pants when he recognised the slight impatience in her voice.

"I'd mentioned that before," he repeated. "I came hoping we could continue our conversation."

"There's nothing to talk about," she said coolly. "I don't need any fake pity from you and your lover."

"C.C., I'm not in love with Dr. Bort," he said seriously, looking her straight in the eyes, hoping that she would recognise his honesty.

"I feel like you're just playing with me ... the both of you," she voiced, and Niles breathed a sigh of relief.

She was offering something of herself, something that scared her, and she wouldn't have done so if she'd lost all faith in him. He knew her too well, knew that when the trust was gone she'd simply freeze the person out, no questions asked, no confessions made.

"Dr. Bort and I are working together; we're on the same team, that's true, but we both care a great deal about you, C.C., so we would never use anything against you. Alright?"

She emitted a non-committal grunt and shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't expect you to believe me right away, C.C., but I'll stay here..."

She didn't look at him for a while, and Niles busied himself, staying on top of his nervousness. At noon, he got out of his chair and headed down to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee, and some tea for her. His cup was almost empty when she finally turned around and looked at him.

"Alright, I suppose while you're here, you can tell me a little bit more about yourself." She sighed, while he resisted the urge to punch the air in triumph.

"Like what?" he asked, smiling at her.

"Well, you mentioned before that you were promised Max as a butler against your will. What happened when you found out? How did you feel? I can imagine that it would put a strain on your relationship with him as well."

He knew what she was doing, as she wasn't being all too subtle. She wanted him to suffer for what she thought he had done to her and he had to play along if he wanted a new chance. And he was prepared to do it. If reliving the pain and frustration from back then was what it took, then he would bear it.

"It did; you are right," he nodded, leaning back in his chair. "I was already somewhat bitter by the time I said goodbye to my parents. I remember sitting in the back of the car that drove Maxwell and me to University, looking out of the window, and wondering if I'd ever be able to look at my parents again without feeling resentment. I experienced a lot of strong emotions back then, but I suppose that's normal for a young lad of my age."

"So did you have butler lessons?" she pressed.

"No, not really, or at least not then... it was still mostly about my University education. And Maxwell's and my friendship didn't suffer that much at first, either. We went to separate colleges, I to study law at St Mary's and Maxwell to study business at Jesus College. My course was incredibly demanding, and we were always given a lot of homework. Some of my fellow students I started to dislike straight away, because they were snobs who paid others to do their work. The system was basically divided, you see? On one hand, you had the rich students who could easily afford an education at Oxford, and on the other hand, those from a poorer background who'd been granted admission on a scholarship basis. I didn't fit either of those categories, but I found my peers in the latter group, because I was hard working and committed myself. Maxwell was doing all right; he wasn't the brightest kid but he definitely managed. We'd spent the days apart in our separate classes, but we would always meet in the evening for dinner, or for a little stroll. Our personalities were still matching wonderfully, so we went exploring quite a lot until we knew the hidden passageways and markets that the city provided. I didn't feel like a butler. As a matter of fact, this time helped me forget about the promise that had been made against my will. But then Maxwell fell in with the wrong crowd, and it all went downhill from there. A man called Rodney Bingham, accepted to Oxford based on his wealthy background, led the group. He wasn't smart, but he was cunning. Well, Maxwell had always been striving for influence and friends, and these people were very good at pretending to be impressed by him. I'm not sure what they told him; Maxwell never disclosed this information to me, but soon he was one of them. They went out gambling and drinking a lot. It never felt as if they truly lost anything; they had more money where it had come from before. Well, unfortunately, on one of these drunken nights, Maxwell happened to mention that he had a butler. When Rodney questioned why he'd never seen one around, Max hurriedly said that we were friends. I think they all laughed at him and he must've felt humiliated ... and so he started calling on me as his butler. He made me drive them to places, even though none of us had a license, and when we got caught, he would blame it all on me. He'd call me in the middle of the night when he was lost, and I had to run and pick him up. I couldn't say no in fear of losing my place at the University. But it was difficult ... Usually after my nightly trips to pick him up, I had to return home to my studies, which I had been neglecting because of him. Numerous times my roommate found me snoring against the window or half-asleep on a book. It was taking its toll on me, and I became short-tempered and miserable and regained quite some weight as well. Eventually, I had enough, and confronted Maxwell about his impossible behaviour. But he'd always had problems admitting that he had made a mistake, and so it all accumulated in a huge fight. We didn't speak for several months."

Niles stopped talking and focused on C.C. again to see if his account had satisfied her, but he could tell that quiet battle was raging inside her. He decided to just let her be and rose to his feet to put his coat back on. He had made it to the door when she spoke up.

"You will come back and tell me more tomorrow."

It was a demand, and his anger flared up again.

"Yes, I will, C.C.," he replied as calmly as possible. "But only if you start treating me with the respect I deserve again."

He left before she could answer and felt like a father who had to chastise his child. The gap between them had never seemed bigger...


	21. Chapter 20

**Hello, Hello. New update, and I'm not happy with it. But am still thanking my beta for her fabulous work!;) So...the story is now planned through and it'll have 6 more chapters. Each of you should write a thank you note to my mother for brain storming with me which caused the ending to be slightly different (and trust me, you'll enjoy this new ending more ;)) But yes...um...my dissertation is finished and bound and will be handed in this week (yay!) which also means that my next update will either be Saturday or Sunday because I'm going out celebrating on Friday ;) so not sure how human I'll feel on Saturday!lol Anyway, review please, folks.**

**Disclaimer: They still aren't mine...I wish though...**

Chapter 20: 

Niles didn't go to see Dr. Bort that evening, but he left her a message on the answering machine. He didn't go home straight away either; he went for a walk in Central Park instead to calm down. The old memories that had been stirred, combined with C.C.'s attitude towards him were a deadly mix, and, more than anything, he felt annoyance at the unfairness of it all. They had been doing so well, making such good progress, and slowly grown closer so that their interactions had almost resembled a relationship, but now everything they had worked for had been broken, and Niles lacked the confidence that Dr. Bort had.

Fran was sitting on the sofa in the den when he entered via the front door. She appeared to be watching TV, but Niles knew better. She'd been waiting for him, waiting to hear the latest gossip. No, now he was doing her injustice. While the brunette was certainly nosy, and a chatterbox, she was also his friend, and he was wrong to doubt for even a minute that she was truly worried about him.

"Hey, don't walk away from me again, Mister!" she called before he'd even had the chance to set foot on the stairs.

"I'm really tired, Mrs. Sheffield." he tried, the use of her surname instantly creating a distance between them.

"Ya don't have to tell me that, Niles, a blind man would see it. But what's happened? Is Miss Babcock ok?"

He sighed deeply and tried to somehow find the energy to answer her.

"Things are ... a little difficult right now..." was what he settled for in the end. "And if you will excuse me now, I'd really like to go to bed."

She switched off the television and joined him at the foot of the stairs.

"Hey," she caught him by the wrist. "Do you think it's worth it? Maybe you should take a break."

He smiled warmly at her concern and squeezed her hand.

"Yes. It's worth it. She will always be worth it."

As simple as that, his heart felt lighter again as he finally climbed the stairs. Whatever he had been questioning before, his answer just then had shown that he was incapable of leaving C.C., despite his fatigue, or any problems they were having. He changed into his pyjamas and climbed into bed, making a mental note to thank Fran for her help, even though she wouldn't know what she had done.

* * *

Niles still felt refreshed when he awoke the next morning, but he made a conscious effort not to get his hopes up as to what C.C.'s reaction would be. He had a hearty breakfast and ate more than he had done in a while, all just to keep his energy levels up.

* * *

When he entered C.C.'s room, he was greeted by silence but he told himself to be patient and took a seat.

"I didn't think you'd come back," she said without looking at him, her head held high.

"I didn't say that I wouldn't," he said.

"Your little speech yesterday didn't exactly suggest a friendly attitude," she continued, still not looking at him.

"Well, neither did yours, C.C."

"I don't like being scolded like a child," now she crossed her arms in front of her chest in a way that made her complaint almost ridiculous.

"And I don't like being ordered around," he matched her tone still, hoping that she would crack eventually.

"What are you doing here then?" she questioned.

"Keeping you company," he had trouble keeping a straight face now.

"What if I don't want your company?" she voiced coolly.

"Then I'd say you're not telling the truth."

Her head snapped around to him, her eyes blazing.

"Are you calling me a liar, Niles?"

"Well, maybe I am."

He leaned in closer so that their faces were almost touching.

"What makes you think you can talk to me like that and still be my friend?" she challenged, moving even closer.

He broke into a smile then and there, which broadened when he noticed her confusion.

"You would've thrown me out already if you really hate me that much."

"Ugh, you are infuriating!" she exclaimed and threw her hands up in defeat.

He chuckled softly and felt great relief when he saw a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. Niles wasn't presumptuous enough to believe that he had been forgiven, but he knew that he had certainly taken a step in the right direction.

"So, would you like me to continue my story?" he asked carefully.

"Yes, why not? At least it's better than arguing with you."

He chuckled again.

"You're just angry because you always lose," he teased.

"Watch it, Butler Boy, or I might change my mind again."

He swallowed and observed her closely, but it seemed that only he had registered the old nickname.

"Where did we stop yesterday?" he asked in an attempt to collect himself again.

"Maxwell got involved with that Rodney guy and his friends and started treating you badly. You mentioned that you had a fight and didn't talk for a while and ... that's it."

He nodded slowly, his thoughts still lingering a bit with the unexpected use of his old nickname.

"So, when did you speak to him again? Did you ever?"

"Yes, but it was a while before that happened. In the meantime I discovered my love for London. The city is approximately an hour away from Oxford, and during the summer holidays of my first year, when I was reluctant to return to my parents, I hopped on the bus – the tickets were fairly cheap back then – and went into town. On my first trip to the city, I visited the typical tourist spots. I took the tube to Tower Hill and strolled past the Tower of London to Tower Bridge. It was a beautiful day and the sun was shining, so I contented myself just watching the boats manoeuvring the Thames. But eventually I walked down by the river and then headed into West End. The effect was instantaneous as I was drawn to the theatres. So, I spent the little money I had on their cheapest tickets. But soon I was in a bit of a pickle. I kept returning to London as often as I could, but I didn't have enough money to afford tickets, yet I desperately wanted to see plays and shows. Well, one day, as I wandered around, I stumbled across a place called Covent Garden. There, street performers were active day in and out and after several weeks of watching, some of them became my friends. We went out for cheap food in the nearby Chinatown area and they persuaded me to become a street performer too."

C.C. laughed and interrupted his report, but he couldn't help but join in.

"I really can't picture you as that," she managed, holding her tummy.

"Well, neither could I. I didn't even know what to do that would keep people interested enough to watch, let alone to give me some money."

"So what did you do?" she probed.

"Well, at first I only sang. People stopped and listened, but they'd never stay long enough ... or thought me good enough to drop some coins in my hat."

"You can sing?" C.C. interrupted again.

"I'd say I have a decent enough voice. Not as good as a professional, of course, but fairly pleasant to listen to." he rambled, avoiding her eyes.

"Sing something!" she demanded with a smile.

"No, not now ... I haven't sung in ages and I wouldn't know what to sing..." he trailed off.

"Alright," she muttered sullenly, but he doubted that she'd give up so easily.

"Anyway, after a while, the lads taught me how to juggle and to do a number of tricks, so my repertoire – if you want to call it that – steadily grew. And then, finally, be prepared to laugh again, I got myself a partner too."

"A partner? Why would I laugh at that?" she questioned.

"Because his name was Larry and he was a monkey." Niles deadpanned, and seconds later C.C. erupted in loud laughter again.

"You were performing in the streets with a monkey?" she choked out, rocking back and forth, still laughing.

"Don't insult Larry; he was my best friend." Niles said, just managing to keep a straight face.

Her laugh had never sounded more beautiful to him and it healed the wounds a bit her previous behaviour had caused.

"So did Larry bring you more money?"

"Believe it or not, he did. People found our programme rather entertaining and so they paid. And with the money I earned, I could afford theatre tickets again and more food. Some weekends I even invited Clara to London and took her out for meals. But our relationship didn't work anymore on that level ... I'm not quite sure why ... but it didn't feel the same anymore."

"Maybe you simply didn't love her anymore?" C.C. suggested.

"Well, I suppose that's true enough. But it didn't stop me from ... um ... being interested in her on a different level."

He paused then, slightly flustered, as he hadn't necessarily meant to mention this, especially seeing how C.C.'s emotions were still raw on that particular subject.

"Oh Niles, you don't really think that sex and love are the same, do you?" she scoffed.

"No, of course I don't. But I do believe that sex with love is ideal, and much better."

"Then you're not getting any..." she commented with a slight smirk.

"Is that relevant?" he shrugged with a smile.

"No, I suppose not..."

A silence fell between them again that made him aware that they weren't completely back to normal yet.

"Well, C.C.," he rose to his feet. "I think that's enough for today."

"Alright," she agreed, and he smiled when he caught her subtly seeking out his eyes.

"I'll be back tomorrow," he promised and walked to the door. "Get some rest. The past few days have been exhausting for all of us."


	22. Chapter 21

**Hello, Hello. Aplogies for the delay in updating, but I was sick, so I'm gonna blame it on that. Recovering now and will actually have the next chapter finished tomorrow, then it just has to go through editing!;) Gosh, the end is approaching, but I have to say that I really like this chapter and the one I'm currently working on. It was about a year ago that I fell in love with the butler and asked myself "I wonder if he'll end up with the blonde or the brunette." :p (i.e. my first days of watching "The Nanny")... can't believe it's been a year...Leave some feedback, folks, so I know if you're still interested in this!**

**Disclaimer: Even though I've loved them for a year, the socialite and the butler still aren't mine. Doesn't stop me from loving them though!;)**

Chapter 21:

"Thank you for leaving me a message, Niles." Dr. Bort said when he took a seat at their table.

"Well, I was a little annoyed with the whole situation, and I didn't want to let my anger out on you, but I didn't want you to worry either." he explained.

"It's quite alright; I understand." she smiled and sipped on her coffee. "So I presume things are looking up again?"

"Yes, well, I'm here, aren't I?" he grinned back "It's not back to normal again, of course, that would've been too optimistic, but at least we're talking."

"I agree. That's definitely a good sign. So what did you talk about?"

"My life … mostly. Since she confided in me about her days at University, I decided to tell her a little about mine ... well, actually it was more her idea. She knew that the relationship between me and my boss had become difficult, so she wanted to punish me in a way by asking me to talk about it."

The therapist didn't answer, but slowly nodded her head.

"But it's not as bad as she'd hoped it would be," he continued undeterred. "And while it irks me a little, I am certainly prepared to talk about it."

"I'm just wondering what else we can do to aid her progress," she voiced pensively.

"Angelica, if I may interrupt ... I was thinking that maybe we should just let her be for a little while. The recent events have been rather unsettling for all of us, and I need to win her trust back; that's the priority at the moment. So I thought that I could just continue talking about myself until I'm sure that we're somewhat back to normal again. But I don't mean to undermine your authority."

"I'm sure you're a good butler, but Niles, you'd make a damn fine psychiatrist too." Bort chuckled.

"I'm not so sure," he replied in the same playful fashion. "I think I'd get far too attached to my patients."

"Something I don't run the risk of," Bort said dryly, causing Niles to chuckle heartily.

"No, certainly not." he then agreed in the same tone.

They sat together for quite some time, just chatting. Niles knew he would be lost without her by his side.

* * *

The next day when he entered C.C.'s room, he could instantly tell that she was in a better mood.

"Did you spend your evening reminiscing about Larry and the good old days?" she asked teasingly, and he laughed.

"No, I'm sorry. I hardly ever spend time thinking about the past. I think it's healthier to focus on the future."

"Then why do you always talk to me about your past?" she asked as he sat down.

_Because you're my future and with you I don't mind sharing my past, _he thought, but didn't voice it aloud; it wasn't the right time yet and would probably just scare her.

"Because I think you find it interesting, otherwise you wouldn't ask about it." he said with a winning smile. "Also because you share your life with me, as well as certain events, so it's only fair for me to do the same."

"Speaking of which, will you tell me today about the argument with Maxwell, and how that whole thing ended?" she inquired.

"It's not that interesting a story, but if you want to hear about it, then I'll tell you."

C.C. nodded excitedly and turned on the bed to face him, crossing her legs.

"Well, the summer soon passed and with it my days in London, though I'd still return to the city as often as I could. But I went back to Oxford and settled back into the comparatively slow routine of my days at University. I saw Maxwell a couple of times, but we didn't really speak. I think we were both too stubborn to make the first move. But I did miss him, and after a while, I started hearing rumours that Rodney and his lads had ditched him because he had taken a sudden interest in the theatre, an area that wasn't manly enough for Rodney. Of course, I was curious and wanted to find out more, especially with the recent experiences concerning the theatre that I had made myself. But I didn't approach him directly ... no, that would've been too easy."

Niles stopped when C.C. chuckled, and raised a questioning eyebrow.

"It's just funny how you'd rather spend your days in the company of a monkey than trying to make amends with your best friend."

"I know," he sighed, "but that's the trouble when two such stubborn and proud characters come together."

"But you must've talked to him in the end, right? I mean, you said that there was a reconciliation."

He nodded. "Yes, there was. And it would've happened sooner too ... But, like I said, instead of approaching him directly, I did something else; I started to spy on him to see if the rumours were true."

"Spy on him?" she repeated, giggling to herself. "How did you spy on him? Black clothes and all?"

"Very funny," he commented sarcastically, "though I'll let you know that I look bloody good in black clothes. Anyway, I just followed him to see where he was going, but it wasn't really helpful, because he'd always disappear into the security of his college, and I couldn't go there, and if I'd tried, he probably would've caught me. But after a while, I found out from some peers that Maxwell was now not only studying business, but also directing. This curious turn finally made me throw my stubbornness overboard, and so I approached him. I went to the little Cafe opposite Baliol College and sat at a table on the second floor, right by the window. It had been our usual place, and I ordered some tea and a chocolate fudge cake with whipped cream and two spoons while I waited for him to turn up. Eventually he did, and lord, was he surprised to see me there. His jaw nearly dropped! I could tell that he was thinking about backing out again, but then he headed in my direction. He nodded briefly and then sat down at the table next to me. I almost gave up then again, but when the chocolate cake arrived and he followed it with his eyes, I couldn't hide a grin. "I've got two forks, if you want some." I offered, holding up the cutlery. I think he weighed for a moment if I was mocking him or not, but then he left his table and joined mine.  
"I've been craving this cake all summer," he commented, taking a fork from me and then dug in immediately.  
"Why didn't you have some?" I asked, taking a first bite myself.  
"I don't know," he shrugged. "I was busy, I suppose." But I could tell by the way he nervously shifted on his chair that he wasn't telling the truth. I sometimes still wonder if it was because it had felt wrong to him to eat the cake without me ... that was my experience, anyway and I'd tried, but somehow, the cake just didn't taste as good.  
"Yes, I had a busy summer too. I went to London a lot and became addicted to the theatre." I grinned when his eyes darted up to find mine.  
"But how could you afford—" he started, but then cut himself off abruptly as we were suddenly dangerously close to the class difference issue that had caused so much trouble. "Like any addict manages to get his fix," I said lightly. "I got some money." And I told him all about my time at Convent Garden and my partner Larry. I've never seen Maxwell laugh so hard in all my life. He laughed and laughed, losing all his British reservation, laughed until there were tears in his eyes. And then, when he had finally sobered again, he said:  
"Well, it's a shame I never got to witness that. I was in London a lot too over the summer, you know? Mostly in the theatres ... it was a completely new experience ... I saw plenty of musicals too, and the effect they have on the audience, you wouldn't believe it. People were laughing and crying and that's when I knew ... I couldn't take over father's business; it's dull and pointless. It's the theatre that really thrills me."  
"Well, that should've gone over well with your father." I remarked dryly.  
"Oh, you have no idea. He nearly had a heart attack, yelled that everyone in the theatre was queer and if I was one of them he'd disown me. But Niles, old man, I just know it's what I want to do."  
"Well, Sir, it's completely natural to experiment."  
"No, not that!" he interrupted roughly and I laughed at having managed to annoy him "The theatre business, man, it's what I want to do. So I'm now also taking a course in directing."  
"That's excellent." I smiled, for I could feel his excitement. "Do you know yet what exactly you want to work as in the theatre, Sir?"  
"I was thinking along the lines of producer. That way I have some input, but I also get to manage the business side of things. And stop with the "Sir" nonsense, what's all that about?"  
"Technically I am still your butler, Maxwell." I reminded him, not entirely able to let this go yet.  
"Niles, you know I'm not very good with apologies." He sighed. "But I know I wasn't being very nice. But you know, Rodney and the boys, they just—" I held up my hand then to stop him, afraid that too many false excuses from his mouth would create an even bigger gap between us."

"How did he react?" C.C. asked.

"Well, the whole situation wasn't all too pleasant, but it certainly wasn't as bad as it had been before. We were more cautious around each other, less open ... the old carefree trust was gone, and I most definitely didn't disclose as much about myself anymore."

"Is it still the case?"

"That's a good question," Niles said pensively, "I suppose to a certain degree it is. But I do know now too that Maxwell appreciates me and that he'd be lost without me ... but..."

"It's a shame," she voiced sadly, reaching out to squeeze his hand.

"I know it is, but there are some fights you just sometimes don't fully recover from..."

She frowned and pulled her hand away again and he almost hurried to say that he hadn't been talking about their situation, when he noticed that something else seemed to be troubling her.

"C.C.?" he asked softly.

She narrowed her eyes, then shook her head and finally looked at him.

"I just remembered something ... but not fully, it's strange." she began, trying to formulate what had happened.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean ... well, you know how I told you about James and Scott? Well, these events I remember clearly because they're recent. But just now, when you talked about Maxwell and you ... there's something ... I remember fighting with someone too, constantly, but I don't know who it was."

"Mmh ... maybe one of your siblings?"

"No," she shook her head fiercely "it's not someone I know ... I think ... I'm not sure. And it wasn't like the fight you had with Maxwell. It was different."

She frowned again, and he could clearly see how desperately she was trying to grasp that elusive memory.

"Different how?" he prompted her, thinking that maybe specific questions would trigger it.

"It was softer somehow, more playful." She broke into a sincere smile. "Like children that are teasing each other, but lovingly, not hurtful."

Niles was feeling queasy now with suppressed excitement, and it took all his strength not to shake her and ask her directly if she knew that it was them.

"Although sometimes ... sometimes it did hurt quite a bit, and I'd get mad, but then he'd do something or smile, and I knew that he didn't hate me."

"So you think it's a man?" he asked, his throat dry.

"Yes. I don't know who, but I'm positive it's a man. We do it constantly; there's hardly ever a moment where we don't bicker, but he looks almost pleased when I start or when I hit him well."

"What a peculiar relationship." he forced himself to say, tried to sound convincingly surprised, as if he'd heard about it for the first time.

"Yes, but it's fun." she smiled again. "It's what we do."

Niles' heart was still fluttering wildly, and the relief that flooded his senses was almost enough to make him cry. Yet he couldn't say more, or he'd only confuse or unsettle her. So he simply nodded and held his breath until she spoke again.

"Ah, this is gonna bother me for the rest of the day now," she finally said, focusing on him again. "I really can't remember when that happened, or who that guy was."

"Strange," he said again with a weak smile. "Well, my dear, I must be off, I'm afraid."

She nodded and her eyes grew sad.

"You'll be back tomorrow?" the hopefulness of her tone made his heart light again, and he smiled.

"Same time."

"What will you tell me tomorrow?" she asked when he got up.

"Maybe a little love story," he replied and winked at her.

"One of yours?" she sounded almost reluctant.

"No, someone else's. My love story," he paused and lifted her hands to his lips. "Well, you'll find out sooner or later."


	23. Chapter 22

**Hello, Hello!:) As promised, a quicker update!;) Thanks to the wonderful work that my editor is doing!:) Thanks to the lovely 2 reviewers who left me some feedback!:) We're slowly getting closer to the end, with only 3 more chapters and one Epilogue to go. I hope you're still interested in this. So please, folks, leave me some feedback. (do I sound desperate? lol )**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, they still aren't mine. :(  
**

Chapter 22:

He was excited and a little out of breath when he found Dr. Bort at their regular table that evening.

"She remembers," he exclaimed in a whisper, and the woman tried to remember when she had last seen his eyes shine so brightly.

"What does she remember?" she asked, waiting patiently for him to take a seat.

"Me, us ... I mean ... not directly. She remembers our fights, our little squabbles and she smiled, Angelica, she smiled!"

Even though her heart was breaking, she forced herself to smile, and took his hands in hers.

"Slow down," she instructed softly. "Now, what happened exactly?"

"Well, I was telling her about the reconciliation between Maxwell and I, and how it wasn't the same anymore afterwards, when she suddenly became pensive and told me that she remembered something. She can't remember who the other person was or when it was, but I know that she's talking about us. C.C. and I ... our relationship ... it's unique ... there isn't anyone else..."

"I think "odd" is the word you're looking for, Niles." Dr. Bort interrupted gently.

"Well yes, but be that as it may, she remembers! And she asked me to return! And the other day, I cannot believe I didn't tell you, she called me "Butler Boy"! It's my nickname, it's her term of endearment for me and she used it! That means she's coming back to me, doesn't it?"

"Niles? Niles," she cut in with a deep sigh, "I hate to dampen your mood, but don't be too sure, alright? You might be right and this may, indeed, be a sign that Miss Babcock's old self is slowly in control again, but the fact that she can't remember who it was she used to fight with, it means that we aren't quite there yet. She might remember you, but on the other hand, she doesn't consciously remember you."

"I'm not sure I follow," he said, his forehead crinkled into a frown.

"Miss Babcock is not a patient suffering from amnesia," the therapist started to explain, "she hasn't simply forgotten something. Miss Babcock had a mental breakdown, which not only means that she has suppressed parts of her life, but also that pieces of her have been broken ... some of them quite possibly beyond repair. The two of you bickering is probably among her most common memories, Niles, as it occurred on a daily basis. But it's also a double-edged sword. She was hurt by some of the things you did..."

"But she smiled, Angelica, didn't you listen? She smiled when she talked about it."

"This is precisely what's worrying me." She sighed again. "She's still repressing the part of your fights and pranks that hurt her, and is only remembering the good. But this might be exactly why she might never return to you ... why she might never fully remember you anymore, and simply choose to live in a world where the negative things are kept at bay."

"No, that can't be it," he shook his head furiously and rose to his feet. "I refuse to believe that. You told me to be optimistic and determined; how dare you take that away from me again now?"

Dr. Bort rose too, and comfortingly rubbed his arm.

"This isn't easy for me either, Niles, believe me. I just want you to be prepared..."

"I can't be prepared for that," he denied, lowering his voice again, "because if I do, I might as well give up. I trust her; I know she'll return … what else can I do?"

Once again Dr. Bort ignored her aching heart and smiled at him.

"It's not black or white, Niles, and you know that. So maybe..." she swallowed; her voice was trembling slightly. "Maybe you should just learn to love her the way she is now. She's still the same woman; it's only your relationship that has been altered a bit. She might never be the snobby Broadway producer again, but ask yourself: would that really stop you from loving her?"

* * *

Niles chewed on her words for quite some time, tried to wrap his head around the different levels of consciousness she had mentioned. But one thing was blatantly obvious: They might not share the same memories anymore, and she may never recognise him fully, but it wouldn't make him love her less. They had simply dismantled themselves, secret by secret, until their bared selves had met each other for the first time, all insecurities on display and nothing hidden anymore. He mused that it was like being given another chance for a fresh start and he'd take it. As a matter of fact, he'd take any chance offered, with her old self or the new one, just as long as it meant that he could stay with her. After he had reached that conclusion, he finally trusted himself to enter the hospital again. His walk was light and carefree once more and he smiled to himself when he heard her voice, asking him to enter the room. C.C. sat on her bed, as always, her back comfortably leaned against the headboard. Her hair had been drawn back into a ponytail, but a few strands had escaped its firm hold and were framing her face. She smiled at him with her eyes closed and the sunlight falling in through the window was showing the different shades of her hair. Niles stopped a moment to drink her in, before her light blues found his dark ones.

"Hey," she smiled at him again, and he only allowed his gaze to linger on her face for another fraction of a second, before he started moving again.

"Hi," he replied with a matching grin. "How are you today?"

"I'm," she paused as if to appraise how she was feeling. "I'm very good actually, thank you."

He faintly noticed a notebook that was resting on her bedside table, but paid no closer attention to it.

"So, would you like to hear a love story?" he asked, sitting back in his chair.

"I suppose so," she nodded and lay back down on her side, propping herself up on her left elbow. "Whose love story is it? You said it wasn't yours."

"No, not mine," he shook his head and ever so subtly allowed his eyes to wander over her body, "but Maxwell's."

She scrunched her nose and he knew that she was asking herself if she'd be interested in it, but finally, she merely shrugged.

"So you want to hear it?" he probed, just to make sure.

"Yeah, just talk. I like to listen to your accent."

It was an odd remark, but Niles knew her well enough and could tell when she was having trouble complimenting someone directly.

"Alright, it happened a couple of years after the last few stories I told you. Maxwell and I had finished University for quite some time and I had officially begun my butler's training, accounts of which I will spare you, because they are mind numbingly dull. Anyway, Maxwell ended up returning to the University to hold theatre workshops, the same series of workshops that had led him to take up directing in his time. He was quite good at it too, I suppose. Maxwell is essentially a very shy man, especially when it comes to his romantic life. A woman could practically throw herself at him, and he would only really register that she was interested when a close friend would finally spell it out for him. He had trouble making big decisions, being spontaneous and taking charge."

"He doesn't sound like he'd make a very good producer. Don't they like ... have to hire people and tell them what to do?"

"In a nutshell, yes." Niles nodded, trying very hard to hide his grin. "But later on, he hired someone who was much better at it, and who rescued the business."

He waited to see if she would remember, but there was no sign of recognition in her eyes that were still focused on him.

"Who did he fall in love with then?" she finally prompted him when he had made no attempt to continue.

"Well, like I said, he had just returned to his old college to offer a workshop in directing when he encountered a young woman called Sara Delany in one of his groups. She was several years his junior, plain-looking with short blonde hair, but a fire that filled her eyes and showed her actual temperament. He liked her instantly, not just because she understood what he was getting at in his workshops, but also because she was direct and not shy at all. It was her who asked him out after three days."

"She did?" C.C. grinned, "Well, good for her. I'd still prefer it if the man would ask me out, rather than vice versa."

"Would you?" he asked, smiling playfully and shifted his weight, which brought him a little bit closer to her. "Based on your previous reports, I'd thought that you'd simply take who you want, rather than wait around."

She shrugged, but there was a mischievous glint in her eyes as she moved closer to him.

"That's true, but that's how it works with the ones that aren't important."

He took a deep gulp of air, inhaling with it a scent that was purely C.C., lacking the Chanel No. 5 she usually wore, and which he liked as well.

"Well, Maxwell telephoned me on that very same evening, completely flustered."

"So you see, old man, I'm in a bit of a pickle. And wouldn't it be unethical to go out with her?" he finished after several minutes worth of rambling.  
"Unethical, Maxwell? She's not your student. You're just offering a workshop that is free for everyone for 14 days, that's all. Stop making up excuses and just grasp that chance that you've been given."  
"But Niles," he swallowed, "she's really pretty."  
I chuckled then because I became acutely aware that Maxwell really liked this one.  
"Well then, take her out. Take her to the theatre or something; that will provide enough material for a conversation. Then just see where the evening takes you."  
"You make it sound so easy," Max growled.  
"Listen to me. This girl asked you out. She wouldn't have done so if she didn't like you. So what have you got to lose, really? She already made the first step!"  
"I suppose you're right, old man." Maxwell begrudgingly admitted.

"So did they go out together in the end?" C.C. asked.

"Yes, they did, and apparently it was a first date to remember. Sara had Maxwell's sense of humour, but because she was more outgoing than him, she also managed to kick his butt when he needed it."

C.C. laughed again. "Sounds like a wonderful woman."

Niles sighed, a little bit of sadness creeping into his eyes. "Yes, she was."

"Did he take your advice?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, did he take her to the theatre?"

"Yes, he did. And eventually, he also thanked me for it. He told me it was the best start for him because he'd been so bloody nervous, but, as I had told him, theatre was their common ground, and it made things remarkably easier. They caught a matinee of something in London, and then went on to a nice dinner. I think Maxwell wanted to take her to a fancy restaurant and Sara, who was far more grounded, didn't. But she kept quiet this time, as it seemed to mean so much to him, and followed him. She was used to these kind of places from her own wealthy background, yet she was never one to fully enjoy them."

"Is that your idea of a perfect first date too?" C.C. interrupted again.

"Well, first of all, I don't think there is such a thing as a perfect first date. Both parties are nervous, so something is bound to go wrong. And secondly, I think it depends on the person you're taking. You can't just generalise your plan of action for every woman."

"So where would you take someone?" she wore a mischievous grin again.

"I do like the whole dinner idea, as I know quite a number of lovely restaurants. But then..." he shrugged "it could go anywhere."

"Oh Niles!" C.C. exclaimed, purposefully misinterpreting his words and giggled when he blushed.

"No, I didn't mean," he spluttered "I just meant that ... it could be more quiet or louder..."

"I guess that depends on the woman too, eh?" C.C. asked in a low voice and winked at him.

He swallowed and shifted nervously, resisting the urge to cross his legs.

"Well, C.C., I think ... I think I ought to -" he tried to rise to his feet.

"No, don't go." she said, shooting up in bed. "I was just toying with you; I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he said softly and cupped her face for a brief moment "and that'd never be the reason why I'm leaving. It's just getting late, and I have some preparations to make at home."

"But you didn't finish your story," she argued.

"What else is there to tell?" he asked with a grin, while shrugging into his jacket.

"Were they together for long, for example?"

"They were," he nodded. "They got married in the end. Sara stayed in England for a whole year. She was American, you see. So by the time she had finished, Maxwell had produced seven shows, none of which had been particularly successful. Faced with a career that didn't seem to take off, and the love of his life leaving, he made a quick decision and left for America with her and me, as his butler, in tow."

"That's how you came to New York, is it?" C.C. asked.

"Precisely," he nodded.

"Did you mind?"

"Well, a little bit at first, but this city so easily wins one's heart." He grinned.

"And did it pay off for Maxwell?"

"Like I said, he did marry Sara. And in terms of business, well, it was a struggle but he's been fairly successful so far."

"That's a lovely story," C.C. smiled.

"Yes, it is." he grinned, because he had repressed how it ended.

"Niles!" she called him back one last time before he could leave. "What will we do tomorrow?"

"Oh I'm sure we'll think of something," he gave her his boyish grin, "loud or quiet."


	24. Chapter 23

**Hello, Hello!:) So, chapter 23 is up and chapter 24 is in the works!;) A drastic change will happen in this chapter and hopefully it'll keep you in suspense :)** **Thank you for those lovely reviews, guys, they really do make me happy!This is dedicated, as so many of my chapters, to the lovely Miss Lauren Lane who -since yesterday- is probably doing a brilliant job in playing Barbara Fordham in "August:Osage County". :)**

**Disclaimer: They aren't mine...only Jason MAtthews is.**

Chapter 23:

Niles felt light-hearted and confident when he awoke the next morning. He had devised a plan of telling C.C. about his feelings in a way that hopefully wouldn't scare her too much. He was certain that she would question his honesty, seeing as he had mentioned before another woman he was in love with, unable to tell her, of course, that he had meant her all along. Now he thought he would simply allow events to unfold and if she would ask him, then he'd simply say that he couldn't help his feelings and that he had made no promises to the other woman, which was after all, true. He had just emerged from the shower, a white towel wrapped around his waist, when his private line rang.

"Niles Brightmore," he said.

"Good morning, Niles, Jason Matthews here. I've finally found a way of getting that therapist out of your way."

His heart sank, and his stomach cramped sickeningly.

"She's far too involved with Miss Babcock; she's been neglecting her other duties. I have some patients who are willing to speak against her."

"Jason, I have to—" Niles began, but was immediately cut off.

"You can thank me later. I've already talked to the press. Now come down to the hospital; we're all waiting for you."

As the line went dead, Niles felt as if his heart rate had flat lined too. Beads of water that had been glistening on his chest had disappeared the moment his body temperature had risen. Now he was hastily throwing on clothes while fumbling with the phone in his hand. He desperately tried to reach Dr. Bort, but no one answered the phone. Finally, he gave up, and putting on his coat and shoes, he ran down the stairs. He grabbed the car keys, as he wanted to waste no time, and drove to the hospital himself.

* * *

Once again, the lobby was filled with reporters. Niles tried to push his way through the crowd while trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible. But suddenly, the buzz of voices became louder, and just when Niles thought he had been caught, he saw a glimpse of Dr. Bort's black-rimmed glasses. Pushing his determination to get to C.C. aside, he walked back to the crowd and pulled the dark-haired woman with him. Unlike last time, the reporters didn't give up though, but followed them. Niles and Bort jogged down the corridors until they finally found refuge in a broom closet.

"What are you doing?" Bort whispered, her nose almost touching his.

"Saving you," he replied in the same hushed tone.

"Now that's funny," her voice was harsh and bitter. "Because I thought you were the one who caused this in the first place."

"Angelica," he sighed and moved closer, so she could see his eyes in the dark. "I hired that lawyer months ago when C.C. was first admitted here. You wouldn't allow me to see her and I was frustrated and desperate!"

"No, you were stubborn and ignorant! I had very good reason to keep you away from her." Bort snapped.

"Listen, I'm sorry. I forgot all about it ... C.C. became my priority and you and I became friends, so..."

Silence enveloped them both and Niles could clearly see that she was struggling with something.

"Mr. Brightmore, I want you to listen to me carefully," she said, her voice thick with suppressed emotions. "As of now, I release Miss Babcock from Presbyterian hospital and my care. She is no longer fit to be treated here, nor is she fit to live on her own. I have a colleague in Waterbury, Connecticut; her name is Dr. Rose Newman. If my name is mentioned, she will provide a weekly service in which the patient will have to see her at her clinic. Rental prices for houses are rather high but Miss Babcock is a wealthy patient and it is important that she is given the chance to recover in a peaceful environment. I reiterate: I will no longer be in charge of her treatment, and as such, it would be inappropriate to keep in contact in the future. Goodbye, Mr. Brightmore!"

A part of him wanted to stay and make amends again with the doctor who had been so helpful and who had become his friend, but he also knew how lucky he was to have been offered this olive branch.

"Goodbye, Angelica." he said softly and then embraced her with great ferocity and pressed his lips to her cheek, before he disappeared and left her behind in the darkness of the closet.

* * *

His steps quickly carried him up the stairs and into C.C.'s room. She eyed him silently as he stood before her, struggling to breathe.

"C.C., you have to listen to me closely now."

She nodded, her eyes serious, her gaze purely focused on him.

"Do you remember the reporters I told you about?"

"Yes," she agreed, though he could hear in her voice that she still doubted his words.

"You have to believe me that I am not lying ... there are reporters, and they're here now! It has to do with Dr. Bort, but they will probably come and interview you, and they have a lot of false information that I don't want you to listen to again. Dr. Bort has decided that it would be in your best interest if you weren't treated here anymore, but up in Connecticut, where a colleague of hers works. C.C., if you trust me, will you come with me to Connecticut?"

"When?" she asked, still processing it all.

"Today, later on. I have to hand in my resignation and pack a suitcase. But then, I'll rent a car and come and pick you up."

She smiled softly, and slowly nodded.

"Yes, I'll come with you. Everything I have is here in this room."

He wanted to kiss her, that's how relieved he felt, but he refrained from doing so, lest he overwhelm her. So instead he gave her a brilliant smile and approached the door again.

"Thank you," he said with deep gratitude in his voice. "I'll be back in a couple of hours. Be prepared to leave."

She nodded and then smiled weakly.

On his way out, Niles passed the reporters again but he strode past them so quickly, that they only realised who he was, when he was already outside. He was intoxicated with happiness, and it suddenly occurred to him as he pulled up in front of the Sheffield residence that he would have to make a lot of people unhappy now. First he headed up to his room and dialled the number of a rental car agency, to ensure that C.C. and he could indeed leave the city behind. Afterwards, he searched for Dr. Newman's number and, like Dr. Bort had instructed, he mentioned her name and briefly outlined the situation. The therapist told him to come to Connecticut first and find a place to settle in and to call back when that had happened to arrange for an appointment. Feeling encouraged by the fact that everything was running smoothly so far, he dragged out his suitcase and randomly threw in a number of shirts, pants, some socks, underwear, a warmer coat, and some towels. He then gathered all his toiletries from the bathroom and added them, and grabbed his pyjamas from his bed. The room looked strangely empty all of a sudden, and even more so when Niles filled a backpack with his books and picture frames and all the small things that meant something to him. Checking his watch, he decided that it was time for the inevitable; he had to see Maxwell and his wife about his resignation. Slowly he approached the office and almost timidly knocked, suddenly feeling sick.

"Yes, come in!" Maxwell called, and he entered.

"Niles, old man, aren't you supposed to be at the hospital with C.C.?"

"Yes, well," Niles began pacing around nervously. "I was, but there were complications."

"Is Miss Babcock alright?" Fran chimed in who sat perched on the edge of the desk.

"Yes, but..." he took a deep breath and told them everything that had happened, from the lawyer, to Dr. Bort, and his own part in causing the circumstances.

"That's awful," Maxwell commented, as Fran walked over to him to pat his shoulder.

"Ya know that this isn't your fault. You were just doing what's best for Miss Babcock."

"I know, but so was Dr. Bort, and I should've trusted her." He sighed. "Anyway, that's besides the point. She isn't going to treat C.C. anymore, and suggested that C.C. should go to Connecticut, to get away from the reporters, you see, and she can be treated there by one of her colleagues."

"Well, that's a good idea. Why do you look so glum, old man?" Max inquired.

"Oy ... you can be so thick sometimes," Fran muttered, shaking her head. "Dontcha see? Niles is gonna go with her!"

The butler nodded and gave his best friend a small smile.

"But why? She'll be in capable hands there!"

Niles and Fran exchanged a glance that expressed disbelief about the oblivious man in front of them.

"He loves her, darling." Fran softly explained.

"Oh Fran, that's preposterous! The two have been—" but then he broke off and noticed the look in his butler's eyes. "You really love her? Despite the fights and the names and the pranks?"

"What can I say?" Niles smiled sheepishly. "That witch stole my heart."

And, to his surprise, he found himself squashed against Fran a moment later, who held him tightly.

"You go, Scarecrow, be with her. But, I will send Ma your way if I don't hear from you once in a while."

When he pulled away, he saw that she had tears in her eyes.

"I will, Mrs. Sheffield, and I'll miss you most of all."

"I—I still don't understand," Maxwell stammered, confused.

"I am herewith handing in my resignation, Sir. If you need me, I'll be in Connecticut."

He gave his friend and employer another smile, and then turned around, leaving the office.

"What? What just happened here?" Maxwell asked. "And why are you smiling?"

"Because that is one Brit who's realised that he's wasted enough time already and finally follows his heart!"

"Well, he is part French." Max muttered under his breath.

* * *

Niles took a cab to the rental car agency, and after a few words and proof of identity, he was handed the key to a blue Toyota. He lifted his suitcase and backpack into the boot, and then slipped behind the wheel and drove off to the hospital. Reporters were still frequenting the lobby when he arrived, but he managed to sneak past unseen. On the elevator ride up to the top floor, nervousness befell him again all of a sudden. What if C.C. had changed her mind? It wasn't exactly like he could blame her, for it required a lot of trust. But he calmed his breathing and opened the door to her room with a smile that showed no traces of his inner worries.

"Hey," C.C. smiled at him.

She was sitting on the edge of the bed, her hair pulled back in a ponytail again, wearing a pair of business pants and her Bryn Mawr T-shirt. The combination of clothes looked odd and made him chuckle for a second, before relief took over when he also noticed the small suitcase that was placed in front of her.

"Are you really sure you want to do this?" she asked, slowly getting to her feet.

"Don't question me," he chided softly. "I wouldn't be here if I wasn't absolutely certain."

She nodded and smiled and slipped a notebook into her purse. "Then let's waste no more time."

He easily lifted her suitcase and led her out of her room and towards the elevator.

"There are reporters downstairs, C.C., I'm pretty sure they'll try to interview you. So stay by my side, and walk swiftly to the car."

"Niles, I'm not a child." she chuckled. "I can handle it."

He nodded absent-mindedly, all too aware of the ability of the reporters to catch her off guard. The elevator doors slid open, and he lifted the suitcase up again with one hand, while clutching hers with the other.

"Miss Babcock, are you happy with Dr. Bort's work?"

"What do you say to the accusations that she's been neglecting her other patients?"

The reporters were on them in an instant. Niles squeezed C.C.'s hand and pulled her closer as he increased the pace of his steps.

"Why do they care about Dr. Bort?" she whispered, so that only he could hear it.

"I'll try to explain it all to you later, alright? At the moment our priority is to get out of here alive."

His wink put her at ease, and she slipped into the car while he handled her luggage. A moment later, he was by her side again and buckled his seatbelt, as the engine of the car roared to life. Neither of them spoke as they steadily left New York behind, and C.C. looked outside the window to burn each subtle detail into her memory. She thought about her decision again and how rash and against her nature it might seem. But when he had briefly mentioned the sacrifices he was willing to make, without thinking twice, she had suddenly known that she could trust him, and that she was safe with him. It was only when they were halfway up to Connecticut when Niles voiced what she was thinking: "There's no going back now."


	25. Chapter 24

**Good evening folks and greetings from Sweden!;) I got here this morning and am now officially on Easter break-yay- and my wonderful editor has sorted out the next chapter for you guys to read!;) I'll get working on the next chapter asap and am SO happy to see that you guys are stll interested in this!:) Meanwhile, there are some lovely photos of Lauren Lane in "August:OSage County" and, as expected, it looks like a brilliant production!;) **

**Disclaimer: They aren't mine...but I love them very much. lol **

Chapter 24:

C.C. fell asleep on their drive to Connecticut. He couldn't really blame her; the day had been stressful for the both of them. It had taken them an hour alone to leave New York behind, and Niles breathed a sigh of relief when he turned the engine off at a gas station in Danbury; they were halfway there. He stretched his aching back until it clicked pleasantly, and then he turned around to look at the sleeping woman by his side. He was glad to find that no worry lines marked her face, but that she was simply resting peacefully. Her head was tipped to the side, leaning against the cool window, and her chest was rising and falling in a steady rhythm; he found it very calming to watch. His hand accidentally brushed hers when he moved to pull the key out of the ignition, and his head snapped around to see if he had woken her, but he hadn't. A small smile formed on his lips and he reached for his coat that was lying discarded in the back of the car, wrapping it loosely around her shoulders. Then he noiselessly slipped out of the car and went to fill it up with gas. As he did so, he couldn't help but wonder if C.C. would have ever run with him, if she hadn't had this breakdown. Somehow he doubted that she would have, and it saddened him, because it reminded him how distant and untrusting they had been. After a couple of minutes he went inside to pay, and while he was gone, C.C. woke up. She suppressed a yawn as her eyes fluttered open and she tried to focus on something in front of her. But the car was quiet and it was dark outside, and only faint noises reached her ear. She stretched and tried to remember how she had got there, and adjusted the coat that had threatened to fall off her shoulder. She pulled it up so that it was resting just beneath her chin, and smiled softly when the scent of Niles' cologne reached her nose. The memories returned easily nowand a feeling of safety wrapped itself around her like a warm blanket. Not a moment later, she saw Niles rounding the car, carrying a plastic bag. He moved behind the wheel again and winced slightly when he felt her eyes on him.

"I was too loud, wasn't I?" he asked apologetically.

"Oh you didn't wake me. I'm not sure what did ... so where are we?"

"Just outside of Danbury," he explained, rummaging in the bag, "so we're definitely getting closer. Here, I brought you some water and a sandwich. Thought you might be hungry."

"Starving, actually." She said with a grin and took the food from him with a nod.

He fastened his seatbelt again and drove away from the gas station.

"Aren't you going to eat anything?" C.C. asked, her mouth half-full.

"In a minute, just thought that the gas station didn't count as nice enough scenery." he said, and chuckled a little at her obvious hunger.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I should wait." she apologised and set the sandwich down in her lap.

"No, don't be silly. Go ahead; I'll eat in a second."

"Ok, it's just that this is so yummy. What's on it?"

"Chicken, tomatoes, salad." He shrugged and pulled the car over when he had found a nicer place to park.

"That's my favourite. How'd you know?"

"Lucky guess," he grinned sheepishly, hoping that she would believe it.

They ate in silence for a bit, but then he felt C.C.'s eyes on him again.

"There's something I don't know, isn't there?" she asked. Her eyes never left his, and he knew that he would have to give a truthful answer.

"Yes, you're right. And I hate to do this again, but now isn't the right time to tell you, or the right location, for that matter."

She nodded eventually. "Is it that bad?"

Her voice was quiet, and it shook him that she seemed so scared. Carefully he reached for her hands that were warm now beneath the fabric of his coat.

"No, it's not bad," he said, his tone as soothing as his thumb that was drawing small circles over the back of her hand. "It might just be very confusing for you, and I have to think of a way first to explain it to you."

"I'm not stupid," she snapped.

"I know you're not," he replied with a low chuckle, "and I have no doubt that you could follow me. But it's going to be emotionally exhausting, and you're tired today, so it'll have to wait, alright?"

"Can you at least tell me the story about Dr. Bort?" she asked.

"Well, I can outline it, but it will only create more questions for you."

"Tell me!" she demanded firmly.

"Alright. There was a time where Dr. Bort didn't allow me to come and see you and I..." he swallowed. "I couldn't live with that. I had to see you and make sure you were all right. So in my desperation, I hired a lawyer. I wanted him to find any slip-ups Dr. Bort might have made, and I wanted him to sue her and get her out of the way."

"So he found something?" C.C. asked, looking a little pale.

"No, not exactly. Dr. Bort is a marvellous therapist, and she cares about you a great deal. That's why she put the needs of her other patients aside to be in the hospital, and to be available if ever you should need her. Well, my lawyer found that out, and talked to a number of disgruntled patients ... so it's my fault that Dr. Bort had to let you go, and that we're here now."

"You shouldn't have done that." she said, but she wasn't scolding him.

"I know. She was the expert, and I was willing to remove her from you. I was a fool, but all I could think about was how badly I needed to see you."

He stopped then, afraid that she would ask why. She didn't quite understand why that man in front of her, whom she had only known for a little while, was talking like this, but she knew that his desperation was real, and felt it as if it was her own.

"Let's continue driving," she said softly, but gave him a reassuring smile.

They were both exhausted when they reached Waterbury, so Niles instantly pulled into the parking lot of the first hotel he saw. They left their suitcases in the car and only went inside with their hand luggage. While Niles talked to the receptionist, C.C. leafed through a couple of brochures. When he returned to her side, he didn't look all too happy.

"No vacancies?" she asked, shouldering her bag again.

"Well, they do, but only a double room."

"Can we please take it? I'm really tired, and just want to stretch out somewhere."

He pondered this for a moment, and then shrugged.

"Alright. I suppose I can sleep on the couch."

"On the couch?" she repeated incredulously and laughed. "Good God, Niles, I won't ravish you in your sleep."

He hurriedly turned away from her to hide the silly grin that had appeared on his face as countless inappropriate images had appeared in his mind.

"We'll take the double room," he told the receptionist, and paid for it on his credit card.

After that was done, he handed C.C. their keys, and headed outside again to grab their suitcases. When he entered the lobby once more he spotted her by the elevators, and hurriedly walked over to her.

"Isn't that the bellboy's job?" she asked with a grin and stepped into the lift once the doors had slid open.

"Well yes, but why trouble them if I can handle it?" he replied.

"My own personal bellboy, mmh?" she mused, her eyes dancing with amusement. "Well, you better come along then, Bellboy!"

He hesitated in the elevator as more forbidden thoughts flashed through his mind, this time memories of the mind-numbing kiss they had once shared. Maybe the double room hadn't been such a good idea after all...

They didn't do much that evening but order room service and watch TV. C.C. fell asleep by his side shortly after 10 pm, and Niles took that as a sign to go to bed. He went into the bathroom to brush his teeth, and rid himself of his pants, and then slid into bed next to her, switching off the light and the TV on the way. He made a conscious effort to avoid thinking about the close proximity of her body or how wonderful she smelled, and instead focused on her steady breathing, which calmed him so much again that he drifted off to sleep a little while later. C.C. awoke at some point during the night, and in her state between sleeping and consciousness, she only vaguely registered that she was lying curled up in Niles' arms. The warmth of his naked chest against her back was soothing, and she smiled softly at the arm that was protectively wrapped around her waist. Maybe it was the dream-like state she was currently in, or maybe it was because that despite it, C.C. Babcock hadn't been more herself for months than she was right then; it felt completely normal to lie like this with him. "Sleep well, Butler Boy." she whispered sleepily and rested her hand on top of his, intertwining their fingers.

The sound of rushing water awoke him the next morning, and as he blinked against the sunlight that was flooding the room, he tried to remember where he was. He yawned and stretched luxuriously, and then ordered a little breakfast for them. By the time C.C. appeared, wearing one of her skirt and blouse combinations, her hair still damp from the shower, he was already sitting up in bed watching the news.

"Did you sleep well?" she asked and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Yes," he nodded and smiled.

"Much better than the sofa, isn't it?" she challenged playfully, and he chuckled in response.

A knock interrupted their exchange, and Niles got up to answer the door. He thanked the waiter who had brought up their food, and then returned to the room where he positioned it all on the bed.

"How long can we stay here for?" C.C. asked, reaching for a slice of toast.

"It's booked for three days, but I'm sure we can always extend it too." Niles explained, pouring them each a glass of orange juice.

"Do you actually have a plan?" she asked, and leaned back against the headboard.

He frowned a bit, and wondered what could've caused her sudden distant behaviour.

"Well, I talked to Dr. Newman, but she suggested we'd find a place to live first, and once we've settled in, she'll arrange appointment times at the clinic with you."

C.C. nodded and chewed pensively on her food.

"Who's going to pay for it? You?"

"No, I mean ... I'm certainly willing to pay for half the rent. I just have to find a job here first. But Dr. Bort suggested that you had sufficient funds."

"So you're going to live off me?" she asked coldly and turned to face him. "Well, as a butler I suppose you don't earn a lot, and need wealthy people."

"Ok," he said, setting his glass aside "that's it. C.C.; what happened? No one forced you to come with me, all right? If you don't want me to stay with you, then say so, and I'll go back to New York."

"It's nothing," she muttered and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"You're getting defensive; I know you well enough to see that. Now what happened? What changed?"

"I don't know, alright?" she snapped. "You'll just leave, Niles. You've left me before. I feel like this is just some enormous prank!"

His heart stopped painfully, as he wondered what she was remembering.

"C.C., what do you mean when you say that I've left you?" he asked carefully.

"I don't know ... I just ... it's just a feeling..." she growled in frustration.

It wasn't a clear memory, he realised, but one of the repressed negative events Bort had mentioned.

"Hey," he said gently, and placed a hand on her shoulder, "I told you before; I'm not leaving. And I'm not here to use you for your money either, trust me. But you are right when you say that I don't have as much money as you. That's why, realistically, you'll have to pay for your treatment and the rent. But I promise I'll find a job and contribute."

C.C. sighed and felt foolish for bringing it up, and so she shrugged off his hand.

"I know, Niles, just ... go and shower. I'll dry my hair, and then we can leave and search for a place."

He tenderly ran his hand down her arm to reassure her, and then left the bed, heading into the bathroom. When she heard the sound of the shower, she too moved out of bed and went to stand by the window. She couldn't tell him the real reason why she had been so annoyed. When she had woken up that morning and found him curled up on his side of the bed, she had felt a pang of rejection. But had he really been holding her throughout the night? Or had it merely been a dream? Nonetheless, she couldn't shake the feeling that something like this had happened before ... She tried to think back, but only succeeded in giving herself a headache. So, she sat back down on the bed, and extracted the notebook from her purse. She leafed through pages and pages of text in a handwriting that was her own, but stories that seemed like fiction, like something that she couldn't have possibly experienced herself.


	26. Chapter 25

**Hello, Hello!:) I give you the final proper chapter of Dismantling Ourselves. :) I hope you like it and review please because the Epilogue is ready too,so once I've got enough reviews, I'll post it too!lol I can be evil sometimes... anyway, please read and review and you'll get the Epilogue tomorrow!;)**

**Disclaimer: Niles and CC don't belong to me, nor do the fantastic actors who play them. I love em though!:)**

Chapter 25:

They ended up renting a house in Cheshire Village instead of Waterbury. House prices, they had decided, were simply too high, and Cheshire Village was only a twenty minute drive from the clinic. It took them a couple of days to settle into their little pine green bungalow, but it was a beautiful house that had largely been furnished. Four large windows brought plenty of light into the living room and the kitchen, and a small door led into a separate part of the house that served as Niles' bedroom. C.C. slept in the only room that was above ground level, right under the beautiful wooden ceiling. They had bought their own car, and with it they'd driven to pick up missing pieces of furniture that added to the homey atmosphere of their bungalow. One day, before C.C.'s therapy started, they were sitting in front of the fireplace, their backs leaning against the sofa, with two glasses of wine by their sides. C.C.'s wet hair had been swept up, and was held in place by a beautiful pin. She concentrated on the crackling of the fire, only absent-mindedly adjusting the blanket that was wrapped around her.

"I can't believe we finally did it," Niles voiced, sensing that her thoughts were trailing off into a negative direction.

"We did what?" she asked, turning around to face him.

"That we finished decorating the house; that everything's working, and we can just sit here and relax."

She nodded, and a small smile stole over her features.

"Do you ever think about returning to New York?"

Her tone wasn't accusing, and he knew that she was merely wondering aloud.

"Ever since we arrived here, it hasn't once crossed my mind." he replied truthfully.

"So you don't miss it?" she took a pensive sip of her wine.

"Not yet. I'm sure I will. But it's only a three hour drive away, so we can always go back there for a weekend."

Now her smile broadened ever so slightly, something he only noticed due to years of observation.

"Yes, I suppose we can."

He let the silence stretch on for a little while longer and emptied his glass of wine.

"Are you nervous about tomorrow?" he asked eventually.

"No," she shook her head, "just about meeting the doctor. We don't know yet what she'll be like."

"That's true, but Dr. Bort did recommend her, and I have full confidence in her abilities."

"You mention her a lot..." C.C. pointed out quietly.

"I do? Well, I suppose I still feel bad about hiring that lawyer ... Dr. Bort was a good person, but she was complicated, and I hate that I caused her to lose her trust in me."

"Maybe one day you can try and talk to her again." C.C. suggested, but Niles remained silent; they both knew that it would never happen.

"So what will you do tomorrow while I'm gone?"

"Well, I'll drive you to the clinic, and pick you up again, and then–"

"About that," she interrupted, "I'd rather you didn't come."

Feeling slightly hurt, he moved away.

"Why not?"

"I'd just rather do this alone." she explained.

"But, C.C., it's all new, and maybe you'd feel better with someone familiar by your side."

"I don't need someone to hold my hand, Niles," she said suddenly, her tone sharp. "I'll drive there myself and back again. Deal with it!"

He looked out of the window, a frown carved into his face.

"It doesn't mean that I don't need you..." she added quietly, and he felt his anger melt away.

She never would've said something like this before.

"Alright then," he replied, unable to completely ban the grumble from his voice.

He adjusted the blanket around her shoulders, and unintentionally brushed his fingers over the bare skin of her shoulders that had been revealed when her bathrobe had moved.

"You're cold," he remarked softly. "I'm sorry it took me so long to get the fire started."

"It's burning now," she said in return, and moved closer to him.

Encouraged by her behaviour, he draped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer still, until she was leaning against him.

"Niles, do you ever think about that woman that you left behind?" she asked after a while.

His hand moved to toy with the damp blonde curls at the nape of her neck, and he sighed. All these difficult questions...

"Sometimes I do," he said softly, "but I'm more concentrating on the here and now."

"So you don't miss her?" she probed.

He smiled tenderly, filled with deep affection for her once more.

"I have you."

His voice was a caress, and his fingers tenderly rubbed her neck, his fingertips hot with the softness of her skin beneath them. He tried to feel for knots or other signs of tension, but instead he encountered goose bumps, though if they were because of the cold, he couldn't say for certain.

* * *

They found each other the next morning in the steady routine that they had developed over the past couple of days. Niles, still in his robe and pyjamas, his hair adorably tousled from sleep, was sitting by the kitchen counter pouring steaming hot coffee into two mugs. He'd already prepared breakfast for them, an English one at that, because he was sure that despite C.C.'s insistence that she wasn't nervous, she would be and thus needed a big meal to make it through the day. The eggs, sausages and bacon were kept warm in a pan, and were only freed when the creak of the wooden stairs announced C.C.'s arrival. He hopped down from the tall chair and moved around the counter to get to the stove, but took his time in doing so, in order to catch a first glimpse of the blonde. Her hair was neat; her make-up was in place, and only her hands that were uncomfortably smoothing out her skirt and blouse as she walked were giving away how she truly felt.

"Good morning." she said half-heartedly, and climbed on the chair Niles had just vacated.

"Morning," his answer was much more vivacious. "The mug to your left is yours. Milk and no sugar."

She nodded and instantly lifted it to her lips to drink. The bitter taste she so cherished filled her mouth, though she later on regretted the alertness that coursed through her veins. Maybe a nice cup of herbal tea would've been the better way to go...

"Sure that you don't want me to drive you to the clinic?" he asked, placing the food on two plates.

"Niles," she growled warningly, and he chuckled.

"Alright, alright. I was only kidding." he said and lifted his hands in the air to admit defeat, before turning around to the oven and getting out their grilled tomatoes.

"I'm not in the mood for jokes this morning." she sighed, and he gave her an encouraging smile.

"You'll be fine, Babs; you always are." With a light flourish of his hand he placed a plate in front of her. "Now eat."

"I'm not hungry," she said, and squirmed in her seat.

"I know, but you'll at least eat a little bit of this; it's important." he said firmly, and then joined her by the counter, digging in immediately.

They ate in silence, and as badly as Niles wanted to talk to her, he knew she was much too tense to make pleasant conversation. So instead, when she was done, he scooped the remnants of her food onto his plate and then walked her to the door.

"Here are the keys," he said, grabbing them and giving them to her.

She hummed and took them, then continued slipping into her heels. He helped her into her coat and once she was done she was almost out of the door, but he caught her by the wrist.

"Hey," he softly said and pulled her against him for a hug, "you'll be fine. Just trust Dr. Newman, and when you don't like her, let me know; we'll figure something out."

Her arms carefully wrapped around him; she wordlessly gave him a light squeeze to express her gratitude, and then she was gone.

* * *

While she was gone, Niles started browsing through the newspaper for possible job opportunities that would interest him. Unfortunately for him, there was nothing there that would've fit his skills, so he sulked miserably around the house for a few hours. Eventually, he told himself that he needed to pull himself together, and had a nice shower to revive his senses. During that shower, it occurred to him that maybe he should stick to what he knew; that's when an idea struck him. His hair still wet but fully dressed now, Niles made himself comfortable on the sofa, and aligned pieces of paper and pens in front of him. It was a long shot, but maybe this would work, so he began to write.

He was so focused on his work that only the loud slamming of the car door attracted his attention to the fact that C.C. seemed to have returned. Indeed, a moment later she headed through the front door, and took off her shoes and coat with a loud sigh.

"Everything all right?" he asked, attempting to assess her mood.

"Yes..."

"That doesn't sound very convincing." he insisted with a crooked grin. "How was Dr. Newman?"

"She was ... blunt ... obnoxious ... far too direct..."

He raised an eyebrow. This could be interesting.

"So you're unhappy with her? Should we find someone else?"

"No ... I...," she groaned, "I don't know ... that woman is insufferable ... but..."

It would work for C.C., he observed silently.

"She kept saying that I should stop running away from my feelings, but I'm not running! Still, she wouldn't give up, and now I have one week to think of a way to persuade the blasted woman that all I'm saying is the truth."

Niles tried to hide his grin from her, but failed. "Alright,"

"And what are you looking so smug about?" she challenged him, drawing closer.

"Nothing," he insisted with perfect innocence.

"Then what did you do? Didn't you want to search for a job today? Any luck?"

"Come here," he said with a secretive grin on his face and patted the couch.

C.C. complied and sat down next to him, their knees touching.

"What?"

"Look at this," he continued, and handed her a sheet of paper.

She scanned it, but opposed to his expectations she broke into a frown.

"Why are you showing me these recipes?" she questioned, looking at him.

"Because that's what I'm going to do, C.C. It's my milieu, so I thought, why don't I try and publish a cookbook? French cuisine, for example, Italian ... anything really."

But C.C. still failed to look impressed.

"This is a joke, right?"

"No." he replied, his jaw set firmly.

"Niles, please. When you talked about getting a job I thought something that will actually bring you money, not just something like this..." She carelessly dropped the paper on the table.

Niles rose to his feet, suddenly agitated.

"Like this?" he spat. "C.C., these recipes have been developed over years! They are good. People always compliment me on my food."

"Aren't we getting defensive!" she mocked, getting to her feet as well.

"I'm defending myself because you don't seem to realise just how much skill it requires to create something as refined as that!"

"No," she cackled evilly, "I think you get defensive because that's the only skill you have!"

"You don't know anything about my other skills!" he growled, getting dangerously close to her.

"And what skills would those be?" she said haughtily, her voice low.

"You'll never find out," he whispered.

"Oh, damn!" she replied dryly and moved even closer so that their faces were merely inches apart.

"Snob!" he growled.

"Domestic!" she retorted.

"Witch!" His face was becoming flushed with excitement.

"Servant!"

A rosy blush crept over her cheeks that suited her and made her even more attractive to him. And so, with great effort, he pulled himself away, and stormed into his room to cool off. His pulse had accelerated and he felt hot all over, not to mention the sudden surge of arousal he had felt in his lower regions. It was like it had been all these years ago, when their stubbornness had accumulated in a fight that had in turn given way to the underlying passion, only this time he couldn't kiss her, at least not without scaring her away completely.

* * *

He remained in his room until night had fallen, and he heard C.C.'s footsteps up in the attic room. Only then did he trust himself to leave his room. He prepared a meal and called her, but she didn't respond. He sighed, fearing that he had already made too big a mistake. He moodily picked at his food, but after a few minutes, he set the plate aside and decided that he had to talk to her. Slowly, he walked up the stairs and knocked on her door. She didn't answer, and he reconsidered his decision for a second, but then quietly pushed the door open and stepped inside. C.C. was lying curled up on her bed, her face hidden by the curtain of blonde hair.

"C.C., I'm sorry about earlier..." he started, but paused when she lifted her head and eyed him with a smile.

Wordlessly, she gestured for him to join her, and hesitantly, he did so. He sat down on the edge of the bed, and rested his hand shyly on her waist. She nodded at him with a soft smile and took his hand, pulling him towards her. Carefully he curled up behind her, warming her body with his, and slipped his arm around her waist so that it came to rest on her stomach. It was in this position that they fell into a peaceful sleep.


	27. Epilogue

**Hello, Hello!And the final update for you. Yes, I sense many unhappy messages coming my way but hey, to begin with this was meant to end badly!;) Thanks to you who are still reading and reviewing this. Special mention now also to L.I.08 who always sends me these lovely messages filled with reviews!:) And negs, my butler in crime, who was willing to wait until after her trip to Italy to read this. I hope you won't kill me once you read this...lol R&R please!**

**Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine, I just borrowed them!**

_Epilogue:_

_I do wonder now if things happened that way because they were meant to be, but at times my cynical self still struggles with an idea as romantic as fate. But maybe you and I were meant to be..._

_I am so frightened sometimes, Niles, that I'll never be myself again. There are moments when I am fully in control, but they are rare and brief and pass so quickly that you don't notice, or occur when you're not with me. _

_But I want you to know, in case I'll never return, that there were moments when I remembered everything, and in these moments I wasn't surprised to find you by my side. I want you to know that this is what I need ... that all of me wants to be with you._

_You see, this is how I fell in love with the butler, how we came to be. Dismantled or not, I've never felt more warm in my entire life. _

_But still__,__ I'm scared that something unexpected might happen that could shake the delicate balance we've established..._

There was a knock on the door that caused her to set her pen down. Closing the notebook, she rose to her feet, and walked downstairs to answer the door. And there, in front of her, stood a man she hadn't expected to see. "Maxwell!"


End file.
